Crapometer volunteer #6
It was an invitation from a sword.
She almost hit delete. Spam sometimes evaded her filter for nubile schoolgirls, viagra-on-line, watches on e-bay and the rest of the rubbish.
One thing moved the arrow down the screen: her name and title in the header: "Dr. D.D. Tempest: Forensic Consultant."
Point and click.
Not spam. They had even spelled her name right.
On behalf of the Conyers Foundation a Cordial invitation was extended to Dr. Damery Tempest to participate in a symposium and documentary on the Conyers Falchion. A brief summary of the Conyers Legend was attached. See Attachment One.
Her Unique expertise in Myth, religion and occultology would provide Essential substance to the Success of the project. A list of experts in various fields who had already agreed to take part and lend their Valuable insights was included. See Attachment Two.
She didn't recognize any of the names listed - but that was no surprise. She had little contact with anything seriously academic for a number of years. They represented a variety of disciplines, from historical geography to medieval weaponry to cryptozoology.
Acceptance would involve a one to two week commitment. The symposium would be held in Darlington, England. The fee proferred was astonishingly fat. Not plump. Fat. Almost obese. The conference was scheduled for the last week in April and would run into the first week in May.
The captials resumed. A faxed or emailed acceptance would be Quite satisfactory and followed immediately by a more Detailed itinerary and description of the project, as well as Essential information regarding travel arrangements and accommodation. They would be Most happy to add her to the list of Distinquished participants for this Significant historical documentary. A list of Patrons of the Foundation was also included. See Attachment Three...The email positively beamed.
Damie coiled her hair on top of her head, laced her fingers over it and sat back in her chair.
Miss Snark stands on a chair and screams.
The only thing worse than e-queries are reading about people reading their emails. I'd rather watch paint dry.
You have to GRAB OUR INTEREST. At this point we are reading email. Unless Mr. George Clooney's face is lipsyncing the words, I'm soooooo not grabbed.
Also: you've got an attack of the "had" - to wit: "They had even spelled her name right" . Leaner prose: "they even spelled her name right" or better "they spelled her name right".
There are much more enticing ways to have someone get invited to a symposium that is clearly Not What It Says It Is. Find one. Use it. Otherwise it's the dreaded "not quite right" form letter.