Crapometer Volunteer #7

One day, there was a new person working the phones at SkyeVisions. We'd all been told to give him a warm Skye Family welcome, but no one had bothered to mention that he looked like he was eighteen.

"We corrupt the innocent now!" Lydia said.

His name was Alexander . He sat with Kim and watched what we all did. Selling and taking orders was easy -- it was the fellowship with Partners that was hard. We all had Bible concordances, but ninety nine percent of the listings weren't useful. "Depression" came up a lot
more often than "Acacia Trees."

So, we improvised. Kim used *Everyday Verses* to minister to callers. I used a Bible with color coded tape tags. Pink for inspiration, blue for guidance, yellow for divine promises, red for warnings. Scott's was highlighted. Bella's was all plastic bookmarks. I never asked Hank
what he did, he'd probably have talked about it for a week.

Then there was Lydia, with her notebook and tarot cards. She said it was easier than trying to find a Bible verse, and it made people happier. As long as she didn't mention the tarot part, of course.

I watched Alexander listen to Kim's calls. He had a look on his face what I couldn't quite place. *You thought you were here to sell Jocelyn Skye lasagna pans*, I thought. That's what got to his
predecessor, who got tired of the ministering that came with selling SkyeVisions bakeware, t-shirts and compact discs. He snapped at Partners.

"He has a new girlfriend," Scott said at the time, and not too much later Lydia had the details: Michael's girlfriend was an atheist, and wanted him to go to machinist school.

oh yes, yes yes yes.
this is definatley not crap. It's relentlessly commercial so all you literary snobs just go away and come back later.

Notice Snarklings how everything is not explained fully. No one is decribed by hair or eye color? We get dropped right into the action. We get a sense of conflict straight away. And there is an undercurrent of humor.

Mostly though what is great here is the energy and pace.

I'd read on. Eagerly.


Anonymous said...

"One day, there was a new person working the phones" shoots all the rules of a beginning hook.

I rolled my eyes and could barely finish the rest. Are they selling stuff or giving bible lessons? I am confused. Not for me.

Anonymous said...

I agree. Totally weird and dull

author #7 said...

First: thanks again, Miss Snark.

Aw c'mon, anons, don't hold back!

Anon #1, thanks for the points that are hidden amidst the eyerolling -- they're valid. Anon #2...got an example or two? Otherwise, I just have to assume things about your comment that have nothing to do with the excerpt.

Laraqua said...

It's funny how much you're against describing people by eye/hair colour when at one large critique group I get blasted when my shape changing Main Character - who doesn't even have a preferred shape - isn't described properly in the first scene. Sure the MC is masquerading as a prince so a description of the prince might be nice but the prince is dead -- his description is redundant.

I'm of a mind that character descriptions only work if they help show a person's character. The prince's looks don't show a shape changer's character.

I'm just hoping it's a critiquer thing and not a reader thing. At least you get that the first few pages don't require masses of physical description.