Is it crap...Cover Letters...Final Entry

Dear Miss Snark,

Hello. Sorry to trouble you but I just wanted to pitch you my crime thriller, Danny Dreams Of Guns.

If I ever, I mean EVER see you do this again I will track you down, duct tape you to a chair and make you chant "I AM somebody" accompanied by Up With People, the Reverand Jesse Jackson AND Tony Robbins. Then I"m telling Dr. Phil.

Get it?
Never start a query letter like you're chopped liver.
Miss Snark is a vegetarian.

Danny and Christina. Danny and Christina. For years, they've dated, fought, broken up, gotten back together and then started the circle all over again. But now that he's been framed by the Sicilian mafia for a murder he didn't commit, she has to risk her future to save him from both death and the FBI.

and we should care..why? He sounds like a jerk. She sounds only slightly better.
I'm rooting for the Mafia.

As for myself, I grew up in New Jersey but have lived for the last decade in London. I work as a freelance journalist and write occasionally for [a tiny little news service you've never heard of]. I'm also a member of the Foreign Press Association and have a long-ago stint at Newsday under my belt.

That's nice. Does it have anything to do with the novel at all? Or maybe you're inviting Miss Snark to London. If so, first class Virgin Air, leave the tickets with the doorman Mr Henry and I'll be there this afternoon.

If my logline sounds interesting, I'd be more than happy to send you a copy of the manuscript or a synopsis with some sample chapters. In any event, thank you for your patience and attention.

well, this is the best part of the query.
Sadly, (since I was really hoping for that trip to London) this would be a pass for me.

Give me some meat baby. Make me care at least a little about these folks.

And why is the Mafia framing this guy? Is it the classic Hitchcock common man in unexplainable peril, or is Christina really the love muffin of the Mafia Capo who wants Danny to die like a dog for putting his sticky hands on her firm young flesh....Miss Snark needs a shower.

This ain't the Associated Press and Dragnet motif time. Just the facts isn't gonna cut it.

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