Is it Crap..Cover Letters...Four
August 1, 2005
Mayor Mike's Metropolis,
Dear Ms. Snark:
MISS Snark. Miss Snark is relentlessly NOT PC.
If you know someone uses Miss or Dr or Great Grand Poobah, use it.
Otherwise Ms is fine.
I have perused your webpage extensively and would like to submit "Executive Lunch" for your consideration. Please find included both a synopsis and the first three chapters per your guidelines. Here is a quick teaser from Executive Lunch
You're bringing me lunch? Yum. Oh wait. you mean it's a ....novel? Book proposal? poem?
tell me what it is upfront. Otherwise I'm clueless as I read the teaser.
And I hate hate hate that "perused your webiste extensively" only cause it either means I'm so damn witty you bookmarked me, or I was so damn unclear you had to read the thing six times to figure out what I wanted.
Generally we both know you're the writer and I'm the agent. We know you've got pages and you want my attention. You can skip to the good part right away: whatcha got??
Sedona is given the opportunity of a lifetime: play an up-and-coming executive with all the trappings of wealth with someone else footing the bill. The catch: find out who is stealing computer equipment and charity checks before the criminals find out that the program is being debugged. Unfortunately, Sedona is better at writing computer code than deciphering political vitriol, and if she doesn't compile the clues quickly, her tests won't be the only things dying. By the time Sedona puts two and two together, the man that hired her has disappeared and her friend Turbo, able to put together a clue or two himself, is also gone. It's time to change the name of the game and soon, because if she doesn't, her friends will be shut down for good!
What's with these names!
And what the hell are you talking about here?
Give me six sentences of less than ten words that tell me WHO is doing WHAT to WHOM and why why I should give a rat's ass.
Start with telling me it's fiction so I don't panic.
I have a few credits; they are listed below. Please feel free to email me if you would like to see the full manuscript. If you have questions or suggestions, you may also email them to me. An SASE is included for any reply if this is more convenient. Thank you for your time.
they are listed below? List them here. I'm not going to email you. I'm going to write you a nice note. I don't give out my email address to anyone unless I want to see more than just a partial.
Consider: My writing credits include (being brave enough to submit to Miss Snark's blog). An SASE is enclosed. Thank you for your time and consideration (and the home phone number for George Clooney is underneath this page).
This needs work. LOTS of work. Query letters are a bitch to write. Writers tend to drop a synopsis into the center of it forgetting that characters and why the reader will care about any of this is more important.