8.31.2005

Snarklings take on the Snarkometer, round 42



"I'll take it, thank you."

The man's large, almond-brown eyes widened involuntarily and gaped at her as if she had asked for twenty-two melons to go, please, before he began to digest the true meaning of her words.

"But--"

Reyna smiled sweetly and insisted, "I'll take it, thank you."

The silk slipped through his fingers much the same way as water and she was off with it, the scarf tucked partway into her belt, streaming behind her.


"much the same way as water"?...how about "like water". You're creating a simile not describing an action.


The merchant was still trying to muster support from the crowd.

"Help! Thief! THIEF!"

Reyna doubted any would come to his aid; his wares were priced so high that one felt sickened just standing near them. All the same, she increased the pace, her booted feet thudding smartly against the stone-and-cobble streets of Arunai.

At an intersection, she slowed, properly folding the delicate silk and stowing it into the knapsack slung over her shoulder for later. She hadn't planned to steal it, but the gold, amber, and rose hues had drawn her to the stall. She chuckled lightly, and concentrated on blending in with the crowd, pretending to inspect the nearest selection of crabmeat. The next time that particular merchant thought to sell something so gaudy, he would think of her.


This was labeled "high fantasy" and I'm not sure what that is, but so far it's ok despite the fact this girl thinks stealing pretty things is a good idea..heck, it's probably because she does that I'm willing to read on.

There's nothing particularly fresh and new here, and I do know SF/Fantasy is a competitive field and you're going to have to do something pretty spectacular by page ten to keep that crowd reading.

6 comments:

Kayla said...

Thank you. :) Not great, but not as bad as I was expecting. I'll work on it to see what I come up with.

Anonymous said...

High fantasy- think Lord of the Rings. Grand, epic-scale quest type that all takes place in some other place.

Maxwell said...

Fantasy and romance are highly competitive genres. What are some less-competitive ones?

Bernita said...

Nit-picky...aren't cobbles stone?

Maxwell said...

Cobbles, stones, whatever. Just show me to the low-hanging ones.

Anonymous said...

Fantasy and romance are highly competitive genres. What are some less-competitive ones?

The ones with less people writing in them.