8.30.2005

Snarklings vs the Crapometer Round 27



"Paeder Brogan called," Michael said. He sat at my kitchen table amidst a pile of half-finished score sheets and a precariously balanced keyboard. I was at the sink washing up. Lately we had only written with specific singers in mind. We had contracts to fulfill. Today, we were messing around--writing for our archives in case someone needed an original song quickly.

"He did what?" I thought I did pretty well at keeping the dismay out of my voice, but Michael chuckled behind me. I slipped my hands out of the soapy dishwater and flicked the suds in his direction. I did my best thinking when I was in motion. We had twelve gold records and a Grammy as proof.

"He called." Michael gingerly blew soap bubbles off his shirt. "And careful, Andrew. This shirt's Armani." Michael acted like his Achilles' Heel was hidden in the inseam of a designer shirt. Catch a snag and watch him fall apart. I knew better. His weakness was solitude. Michael hated being alone. It was a secret that kept him on my couch when he didn't have a girl to keep him company.

"Clothes whore." I smirked and plunged my hands into the water to scrub a cheese-encrusted casserole dish. "What does he want?"

Paeder Brogan was the lead singer in a three man Irish boyband called Icon. Our paths crossed on occasion; the meetings almost always ended with my getting embarrassed and Paeder calling security. The other two members of Icon, Keelin and Russell, were nice guys, but in comparison to Paeder, so was anyone. The pattern of our relationship had started at a children's awards show in 1994 when I had mistakenly pronounced his name as "Peter" instead of "Potter" and he had asked security to have me removed.


You keep your keyboard and your scores in the kitchen? Wow. Every composer I know, and I do know more than a few, would have your head, not to mention your life, if you put their music near soapy water.

And a boy band with the clout to get someone removed from an awards show? Not that Miss Snark hasn't had to do some fast talking when discovered on the set of 1. Oceans Twelve, 2. Oceans Eleven, 3. Oh Brother Where Art Thou 4. Three Kings 5. Out of Sight...well you get the idea.

This raises my suspicious little hackles about authenticity. Like watching June Cleaver vacuum in pearls, I suppose it's possible, but its not anyone I know.

You've got underlying tension, you've got a good quick start, and I'd probably keep reading to find out if you know what you're talking about about songwriters.....

1 comment:

Amber said...

Thanks for the critique. Good call on the effectiveness of boybands on security--We soon discover Paeder can't get somebody removed. He's just ass enough to think he can.

Don't fret about the music too much. It's a big kitchen.

I am very glad to know that this is a decent start. Thanks again.