Miss Snark Reaches for the Clue Gun..again

Ah, the slush pile, Miss Snark loves it so.
Grist for the blog.

Today, a lovely large white envelope. Nice query letter for a novel. Some pages even...all good. Then, what to Miss Snark's astonishment should appear but a "blurb sheet".

Miss Snark was fascinated. Normally one sees blurbs for books that are PUBLISHED. In fact, obtaining blurbs is one of Miss Snark's favorite tasks because it means she gets to yap on the phone with friends and pass it off as work.

Perhaps this was a book previously published, or a sequel? No no. In fact, it's a list of blurbs from...can this be right...editors?

In fact, what this NITWIT has done was cull phrases from his REJECTION LETTERS and use them to try to persuade me to represent the book. And not even personal rejection letters, this guy thinks “due to my heavy workload I can’t take this on” means that.

Clue 1: a rejection letter from an editor means you've already pissed in the pond so taking you on means I have fewer places to submit.

Clue 2: rejection letters from editors mean they aren't willing to BUY it, a sure clue for ME that perhaps this isn't going to be a project I love

Clue 3: the fact you think this is a smart marketing move; that perhaps I don't recognize the names of editors means you are the nittiest of nitwits and thus absolutely ineligible to be a client.

Miss Snark is retiring to the gin parlor for a stiff one.


Devoted Snarkling said...

If anyone has doubts about your veracity, this post is the ultimate proof. Blurbs from rejection letters--you couldn't make this up if you were J.K. Rowling!

Carter said...

Maybe you should have a last-ditch letter for these folks that says something like "Get a clue, get a job, get a life!". For some, or course, even that might be too subtle. Like the idiot who inspired "Second prize is two weeks in Philadelphia, right?".

E. Dashwood said...

What about blurbs from other agents? Something like Heidi thought it would be bigger than Da Vinci, but she was too busy buying waterfront property.

Tribe said...

No more anonymous commenting? What the hell? You mean I have to actually expose myself here?

Travis said...

Holy shit, tribe! I Googled "tribe" and figured out exactly who you are. Then I paid a Russian $50 for your Social Security and Visa numbers (including those three numbers on the back that everybody wants these days). I used your stolen identity to buy a vacation condo in Oklahoma and the world's largest collection of vintage Chiclets. I hope you don't mind, but you were practically begging for it. :)

Bernita said...

That is more than sad...it's downright pitiful.

Miss Snark said...

Yanno...it makes me fear for the fate of the free world when someone goes to the trouble of stealing Visa numbers and then uses it to buy a vacation condo in...Oklahoma. Miss Snark has been to Oklahoma. Miss Snark has been ACROSS Oklahoma. Remember the scene in Hitchcock's North By Northwest when Cary Grant gets chased by the plane? Oklahoma.

Stephanie Bose said...

Ya know, this makes me feel better. And here I thought I've done the most stupid things when approaching editors and agents...


P.S. Miss Snark is the cat's meow.