A novel idea!

Dear Miss Snark:

I found out about your Blog courtesy of Anastasia Suen's listserv for people who write and illustrate children's books. I love the blog and I check it out every day. It's a warming cup of java and a healthy kick in the ass at the same time. In my business--the children's book world--anything that puts a smile on my face is something I hold on to; it seems like there is yet another Madonna lurking around every corner. Don't even get me started on Martha.

My question for you is: why aren't you writing novels? You know what's good and what's not. You know the industry. Your Snarkliness is extremely entertaining. Or, maybe you have and I don't know it, since I am a new Snarkling and off in my own little kids' book universe.

Nosey minds want to know...


P.S. Please try not to go on vacation again any time soon.

Miss Snark came back from the summer hols and immediately got out the date book to figure out when she could close up shop for Christmas. Not not not a good sign. But I digress.

You're kind to suggest I'm entertaining and capable of writing a novel. I assure you I am not. Novel writing requires imagination, and of that I have none. I'm a literal minded, semi-colon sniffing, snarkly eyed, snake oil salesman. I do know what's good, but I can't create it.

To misquote Justice Stewart about pornography "I know it when I see it but I can't actually do it".

I have the utmost respect for people who can look at a blank page and come up with something other than "it was a dark and stormy night". Almost everything I write about here, I've seen elsewhere or stolen shamelessly from colleagues. I can come up with a sentence or maybe a page, but then..nada. The blog post is a PERFECT size for me, as are cover letters, and Christmas cards.

Thanks for the compliment, I consider it highest praise.


Tribe said...

I could see ya writing something...shit, at least you know humor, the only thing that has made me laugh out loud over and over agains that I've read in the past ten years is Joe Lansdale's Sunset and Stardust...and on your blog there is new funny stuff virtually every day.

doghousereilly said...

"To misquote Justice Stewart about pornography 'I know it when I see it but I can't actually do it.'"

What a waste of stilettoes and good gin.

Brady Westwater said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Brady Westwater said...

You are missing the manuscript under your nose. Think... epistolary. Just sketch out the story of a young... or youngish... book editor in the wilds of NOLITA... telling her life in literature and... life... and her eternal search for George Clooney... in a series of letters and submit that with your blog - and if you can't get a deal out of that.. I'll be your agent and collect the 20%..

Breathe said...

Perhaps you could compile the blog, toss in a few chapter headings and POD it as a non fiction tome: Submitting to Agents for Dummies.

Or not.

Miss Snark said...

Agents get 15%.
Submitting to Agents for Dummies would be shelved in the Erotica SM section. Miss Snark's stilettos are polished and ready to go!

Brady Westwater said...

Agents get 15% - people who come up with the idea - and then sell it get 20%. And I'm dead serious. Just throw in a couple loose plotlines - and you've got an epistolary novel. Think Pamela informed by Hogarth with attitude.

kitty said...

Breakup Babe turned her blog into a soon-to-be released book (Random House).

Rhonda Stapleton said...

Ooooh an epistolary novel based on a snarky blog - I love it!

Maya said...

Tribe: I haven't read Lansdale's Sunset and Stardust, but the first chapter of his Bad Chili--where Hap and Leonard are trying to escape a rabid squirrel--remains one of the funniest things I've ever read. I can read it over and over and crack up every time.

Remodeling Repartee said...

As if you need more encouragement; I would buy anything by or about Miss Snark.

Isn't it delicious to be wanted?