Second prize is two weeks in Philadelphia, right?

I just read your blog for the first time, and I believe you deserve a double header. So I'm giving you a shot at both my novels. In fact, if your response is correct, I will throw in a third, my debut novel published by me at 1st Books (AuthorsHouse).

This query is being sent because I am seeking an agent who has strong, close and personal contacts with editors and publishers who are committed to working with serious, literary talent offering broad commercial, universal appeal. If you are such an agent and suffer from the incurable Max Perkins Syndrome, I'd like to hear from you.

Hear this.
This is the query of an idiot.


Existential Man said...

see what i mean about dumbing down?
giggling out loud

Stay At Home Writer said...

Wow...all I can say is wow. Obviously a newbie that doesn't read the blog very well.

rachel said...

Sign me up for Philadelphia!

pinch said...

You are mentioned in Publishers Lunch at PM today! famous is as famous does and they will be coming at you from all idiotic sides.

Bernita said...

Even I know better than that.

Melly said...

Oh, gees...
Too busy laughing.

This isn't for real, is it???

kaolin fire said...

You. Hero. Mine. =)

occasional_anonymous said...

No punches pulled in Snark HQ!

Ric said...

And we wonder why agents have tendency to get testy on occasion.

Curious as to whether you have ever gotten a query as follows:

Dear Miss Snark,
Bob's Way is very similar to the best selling Tom's Way by Tom (who I have discovered is your biggest client). Of course, Bob's Way is probably written better and I'm sure will sell even more copies.

Would you be interested in seeing it?


Ira Rosofsky said...

The idiot got bitch slapped.

Anne Merril said...

Ooh! Ooh! I can do that! Let me try!

I want to make you cry :)

Stephanie said...

Are there really people this stupid and obnoxious out there?

Anne Elliott said...

Is this for real? Or a collage of your favorite idiot letters? No one could break so many cardinal laws simultaneously.

My favorite part, cute and subtle:
"This query is being sent because..."


Mistakes were made here, as they say.

I could never do your job, Miss Snark. Being a magnet for the bizarre and grandiose is exhausting.

Miss Snark said...

I wondered if it was a practical joke too.
My first response to him was simply an email saying "I don't take queries on the blog."
I figured if this was a joke, that would end things.
But no.
Quick as a wink, comes the response "oh. Then where?"
If this is someone pulling my leg, I fell for it!
But sadly, experience tells me, this is the real nitwit deal.

Anonymous said...

Damn, now I wish I had posted a terrible cover letter for kicks. That's gotta be a joke and I wish I'd made it. That way I'd have earned two nitwit alerts. Perhaps I could make a worse one under another pseudonym and send it in.

I kid! I kid! Miss Snark, please don't hurt me.