9.30.2005

We all scream for ice cream


In response to the "firing your agent" post:

I "fired" an agent who never sold a thing for me (and who spelled my name wrong on submissions to publishers -- and who actually had an assistant do the pitching, though I was given the impression that Agent would be doing it).

I consulted with my lawyer, followed protocol, and terminated. I did not use any unpleasant language, and, indeed, wished Agent well.

I then received a phone call from my now ex-agent, in which I was yelled at, accused, called names, and hung up on.

After spending many days in terror that I would be black-listed in the wake of Agent's fury, I settled down and was simply thankful that I could at last move on.

What the heck? Surely this isn't a normal response?


There are six reasons to scream at a client:

1. Client's hair is on fire;
2. Client has stepped into traffic on Third Avenue, forgetting it goes both directions at 14th Street;
3. Client has won the Edgar and the applause makes it hard to hear;
4. Client has swilled the very very last bottle of gin;
5. Client is getting ready to sit upon chair that is occupied by a reptile; or
6. Client has eloped with George Clooney.

You'll notice none of those involve your manuscript. Or your contract.

Of COURSE this isn't normal. This is rude, hostile and if I may say, indicative of a person lacking impulse control and social skills.

There are three things you can do:
Post this agent's name and your experience on every writers blog you can find;
Tell the agent to fuck off and die;
Move on.

I vote for two out of three.
Guess which.

1 comment:

Remodeling Repartee said...

Miss Snark,

(Apologies for posting in the Comments, but I can't get the e-mail to work, and I am a quivering snippet of Snarkling.)

Your devoted Sushi Snarkling here, with yet another possible blunder in submissions:

I received a charming e-mail from an agent I met at a conference, saying she's looking forward to receiving my manuscript.

I sent 250 pages to another agent from the same conference and gave her a six-week exclusive.

I e-mailed the agent, and told her I had given another agent an exclusive ('cause I met her first and she asked), and wanted to let her know, since, if I was rejected by the agent to whom I had granted exclusivity (highly likely) I'd like to send her the material, and didn't want her to think I was blowing her off, a procrastinator or disorganized. She e-mailed back a thanks-for-the-update.

Was this correct conduct to play it straight, or did I commit a faux pas by letting one agent know I had sent on my stuff to another?

Your quivering, sniveling, piece-of-Snarkling-Sushi

P.S. This is the second e-mail of this sort I've received, regarding manuscript status. Normal agent after-conference etiquette? Could I possibly have a hot property in my hot little hands?