11.04.2005

I writer right wing claptrap...do I have a chance at fame?

Okay. To find an agent, I need to find someone who represents the work that is similar to
mine (by similar, I mean - my work is a fawning photocopy). After much thought, I realize
that Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged is the closest thing - except her book is smarter and my novel
is more exciting.

In case you are curious: my novel is set in an alternate future where America has lined its borders with patriot missiles and has retreated into a position of radical isolation. No one outside the US knows what's going on in there. The protagonist starts off in Montreal and through an adventure of sorts, finds passage into the U.S. When he gets there, he finds the country completely abandoned and the denouement leads to the discovery of where all the people went.

Don't you think it would be very hard to find an agent who would consider the clap-trap of a right-wing nut?


No. Just google the name of every person working in the White House or married to a Vice President and find out who agented their novels. If that doesn't produce a long enough list, find out who published the FIRST edition of Bill O'Reilly's novel THOSE WHO TRESPASS and and query them. He chose that publisher cause they promised not to change a single word.

Under no circumstances should you query Miss Snark. Her theory of the alternate future involves Mr. Clooney, sunny beaches, and an indestructible liver.

9 comments:

Savannah Jordan said...

All I have to say is WooHoo on your alternate future, Miss Snark!

Chuckercanuck said...

You are the snarkliest, Ms. Snark. Did I mention that in my book, you indeed are on a sunny beach by warm waters with - oops! -I wrote Brad Pitt in - not George Clooney!

Stupid me! Stupid me! Back to revisions, I suppose...

Rhonda Stapleton said...

LOL - Ms. Snark, can I join you in your future? It sounds divine...

Harry Connolly said...

Make a list of authors published by Baen, then find out who works as their agent. They're obviously good at selling to right-wingers.

David Isaak said...

Wow. The whole right-wing, left-wing thing is such a crock of shit viewed in the longer term.

As far as Ayn Rand goes: "Atlas Shrugged" was pretty amazing when I read it...as a young teenager. Today, it has all the authenticity of a record by Sonny and Cher.

"The Fountainhead" is a good book, though I have problems with some of the male-female things (and I speak as a male; some females are so put off by the way it is handled that they thay can't get past it to realize the book's essential quality).

Ayn Rand's "Anthem," though technically a novella, and generally neglected, is a masterwork. And "We the Living"--her first novel--is pretty damn good.

Whne Rand was at her best she was no more right- or left-wing than Orwell. But "Atlas Shrugged" is impressive...and Rand at her worst. "Atlas Shrugged" is an embarrassment--an insincere, didactic, bloated piece of crap by someone who had something to say about human nature, something vitally important--but she lost her way in a morass of theorizing and fakery. Turns out reality was more daunting than Ms Rand’s didacticism. The fact of the matter is, as Sam Goldwyn put it, if you got a message, use Western Union.

Personally, I strive to produce things that will, in my time, annoy both the right and left. The fascinating thing about writing that endures is that most people today haven't the slightest idea what the political slant of the author was.

You write as if right-wing reactionary penis-speak were somehow discriminated against by some liberal left-wing publishing establishment. Ah, would that it were so. Tom Clancy and a gazillion other authors of thrillers that wave the flag and ignore the complexities of the world that we have created are the darlings of the industry. The biggest problem is that you can't get published if you don't follow their tired formula.

The Ayn Rand of "Anthem" or "The Fountainhead" would never in a million years describe herself as 'right-wing' in today's climate. And even the Ayn Rand of "Atlas Shrugged" would be backpedaling like crazy to distance herself from what would today be described as the ‘right wing.’

Ayn Rand had her faults. But I can guarantee you that she never conceived of a religiously-dominated bunch of idiots, governed by a clot of social conventions, as being the solution to anything. Ayn Rand was, if anything, ultrarational. To describe her as anywhere right of center in today’s political arena is laughable. The Bush White House would be expending all of its capital to smear her.

The current ‘right wing’ is anti-privacy, anti-individuality, anti-freedom, anti-state’s rights, anti-balanced-budget, anti-Everything-Ayn-Rand-Stood-For. And, sad to say, the publishing industry bows down, more today than ever before, to what the White House and the current polls, suggest.

The publishing industry as a whole is venal and cowardly—sort of like Wall Street—but they are currently miles to the right of center. If you are truly right-wing in today’s climate and can write worth a tinker’s dam, you ought to get published in a matter of moments. Hell, nanoseconds. In terms of new authors, what the industry is struggling with is whether they will be acceptable to the sharp post-9-11 swing to the right.. For every Al Franken, they are publishing ten Ann Coulters.

Worried that you won’t be acceptable to the current publishing mafia? Ha. If you don’t find a top-class agent, it means you can’t write your name in the dirt with a stick. Ellsworth M. Toohey may not be President—but he’s right there in the persona of Mr. Rove.

The people in power today—the “right wing”--would make Ayn Rand sick to her stomach. They are the kind of slime she warned against.

You want to get published? Fine. But try to live up to your avowed mentor. And, if you have the courage, aim for “Anthem” not “Atlas Shrugged.”

Chuckercanuck said...

David Isaak:

Get a sense of humour! Give me a break. Do I deserve that kind of attack? No friggin' way.

Maybe I can't write for shit. Does that make me worthless?

What kind of small-minded dork would waste his time posting something so over-the-top as you did?

Frustrated? Call an escort.

Chuckercanuck said...

PS, Davy-boy,

You silly toad, I've read Rand's work too. Including "Anthem" - but "Anthem" isn't as well known as "Atlas Shrugged". Look how I got a reaction out of you by saying "Atlas Shrugged" - obviously, if it made you write 6,000 words about, I chose the write book to get you going.

I'm still boggled at why you would be so aggressive - did mom tell you you had to move out of the basement and find your own place to live?

David Isaak said...

Yes, indeed, you did choose the right book to get me going.

If you feel I flamed you, I apologize.

Over the years I have come to view Atlas Shrugged as a betrayal of Ayn Rand's own art--an abandonment of nuance and character, and a move from a discussion of meaning to simply preaching.

I don't, however, believe that right-wing content is a bar to publication. Outside of Lit Fic, these days, more like an asset. But I wouldn't mention Atlas Shrugged in my query letters--not because you will suffer from left-wing backlash, but because agents and editors will fear they are being sent a tract.

In all sincerity, best of luck.

Chuckercanuck said...

Thank you, David.

I agree with your assessment of Atlas Shrugged - it is very preachy. And yes, "Anthem" is a more subtle work that does an excellent job of getting her thinking across.

Generally, I like to laugh at my own expense. But, I can be a sensitive baby like the best of them.

I appreciate your kind wishes and send them back to you.

That's the fun of blogolia.

If you want to know what a right-wing nut in Canada thinks about, please visit at http://chuckercanuck.blogspot.com

(Of course, Canadian right-wing translates into Howard Dean supporter in American.)