#34 Crapometer

Genre: Paranormal Romance

Psychic Appeal Synopsis

The manslaughter charges have been dropped, but Sofia Parker, a Salem
psychic antique dealer and private investigator, (wow that girl multi tasks like nobody’s business) still can't shake her past. Her boyfriend might be dead according to the coroner, but he's far from gone. Ever since the funeral, he has haunted Sofia unwilling to accept the relationship is over and preventing her from moving past her guilt at being the driver of the car that killed him.

As if that wasn't problem enough, she's agreed to help Jacob Sanders find out who murdered his brother. Both struggling with fresh grief, they find themselves drawn to one another. But, in the face of Mark's phantom jealousy, Sofia isn't sure she's ready to get involved again.

Sofia realizes the case is more than a murder investigation when her clairvoyance reveals the killer is a necromancer who is raising an army of zombies. Discovering the lead detective is a zombie under the necromancer's control only confirms it and sends her, along with Jacob, running for their lives to hide in Fairy until the zombie cop loses their trail.

Fairy..is that like the Bronx, only with lower rent?

While in Fairy, Sofia earns safe passage by helping the dragons locate stolen gold and prevent a breach of their safe harbor treaty with the fay. She also has to decide how to handle her intensifying attraction to Jacob. His touch makes her feel alive again and chases away the
dark pit of grief inside. Sofia realizes if she's ever going to heal, she has to let go of her guilt over Mark's death and stop living as if she too were a ghost.

Before she can do so, she is betrayed by the dragons who arrange for her to be kidnaped by renegades (the magic mafia). The dragons have forged an alliance with the magic hungry renegades to take over Fairy and the human realm in order to further their political agenda.

I gotta wonder what a dragon's political agenda is. Mandatory breath mints? More dragons hired as firefighters? Teaching Intelligent Design?

Jacob is left for dead during the fight with the kidnappers and the renegades give Sofia to their ally, the necromancer responsible for killing his (which his?) brother. At the necromancer's stronghold, Sofia meets az ombie that doesn't rot and whose cool, dead touch reveals the
presence of Mark's soul trapped inside.

Sounds just like my last love muffin

Mark isn't as unhappy (or disgusted) as Sofia with the arrangement. Being a zombie allows him to pretend he's not dead and continue his relationship with Sofia. He's not the only one who wants a relationship with Sofia either. The necromancer reveals that psychics who see ghosts are necromancers in the making and he wants Sofia for his apprentice. Through superior psychic strength, he doesn't have to take 'no' for an answer.

This actually explains a lot about Donald Trump, now that I thnk about it.

Using the skills the necromancer forced her to learn, Sofia shakes off his psychic dominance long enough to attack him. In a brutal fight, Sofia takes a blow to the head just as she slices through the necromancer's throat with a knife, killing him and all his zombies with him.

Several days later, Sofia wakes up in the hospital to find Mark, a ghost once again, hovering next to her. Mark and Sofia have a last conversation where she convinces him to let his spirit move on. Mark finally accepts he will never live again and says his final goodbye to Sofia, fading into the afterlife, his soul at peace.

Jacob survives and manages to negotiate a compromise with the dragons and the fay resolving the breach of the safe harbor treaty. The police and their fay equivalent deal with the magic mafia, putting most of them in jail.

Disaster averted and crime solved, Jacob and Sofia reunite, planning to put their tragic pasts behind them.

Didn’t Whoopi Goldberg get an Oscar for this movie?

Agents reading synopsis want to know what makes this novel special. I don’t even read this genre much and it all looks familiar to me. You’ve got every fantasy element ever invented thrown in here; it’s Fibber McGee’s closet for SFF.

Coupled with that you’ve got some really clunky sentences like “moving past her guilt at being the driver of the car that killed him”.

There are hints of humor here but the synopsis doesn’t develop that at all.

You could have a really good book but this synopsis doesn't show me that.


Motherhood for the Weak said...

Thanks Miss Snark. I realize now that I've been focusing too much on summary and not enough on voice. And straight summary isn't always the best way to convey context.

“moving past her guilt at being the driver of the car that killed him”.

I hate this sentence too. It's driving me nuts.


J.R. Turner said...

Here's your original:

"Ever since the funeral, he has haunted Sofia unwilling to accept the relationship is over and preventing her from moving past her guilt at being the driver of the car that killed him."


"Since the funeral he's haunted Sofia, unwilling to accept the relationship is over, compounding her guilt for driving the car that killed him."

Or better yet, try some snarkiness:

"Sofia thought the funeral would give him a clue the relationship was over, but no--he's got to hang around and rub in the fact she drove the car that killed him. As if she didn't have enough guilt on her own. Men."

Just for fun ;)

Hope that helps!

Motherhood for the Weak said...

Thanks! I've actually rewritten the whole thing and elminated the whole phrase and need for it.

I'm still having trouble injecting voice into the synopsis although I think its much improved over what it was.


Motherhood for the Weak said...

Oh and is there really a Whoopi Goldberg movie? Have I somehow channeled a movie I don't remember seeing? That would be bad. Someone tell me please.


Miss Snark said...

"Ghost" with Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore and Whoopi Goldberg. She got her Oscar for it.

Motherhood for the Weak said...

Is my synopsis really similar enough to Ghost to be a problem?

Yes, I have a ghost, but he comes back as a zombie and there's no Whoopi, or I should say the protagonist is Whoopi and there's no Demi.

*sigh* I'm going to have to go watch Ghost again now.