12.31.2005

#74 Crapometer

Genre: Middle readers/horror-fantasy

Synopsis: The Waas and The Riddlers' Realm

In an age now forgotten, a race of people slowly died out - leaving one. Retreating underground, this lone survivor - The Waas - toiled away, protecting his people's legacy, making sure they would never be forgotten. He devised a plan that would allow his people to rise again. That was thousands of years ago, and now, his world - The Realm - is thriving once again with despicable creatures of human form. They leave their world and enter into ours unseen through concealed tunnels, hollow tombstones, and vacant mausoleums. And they are taking humans to populate their world. Don't shrug off strange ideas that pop into your head. It is them - The Waasms - and if you don't believe, you may have just become a Forgotten Memory.

A glitch in the carefully crafted security system of the Realm is about to unleash havoc that has been slowly brewing just a few miles below the ground. The Waasms did not prepare for two eleven-year-old friends to uncover their secret.

EHRIN MARTIN and BRENDAN LOUGHRAN, are cutting through Abbington cemetery while running from another botched attempt at spying on their freaky neighbor, SICKY NICKY. While a crumpled piece of paper snagged against the base of a tree catches Ehrin's eye, NANEEK, a creature of the Realm, enters the cemetery through a pine tree, his eye on the treasure now safely tucked into Ehrin's front pocket. But he must wait, as he has been waiting for ten years, to retrieve the paper that might make him human again. Ehrin and Brendan can not see this creature, for Waasms become invisible when they leave the Realm. The winds from an approaching storm awaken the smell that oozes from Naneek's decaying body, and the two friends know that they are not alone.

Fearing that his plan to become human again might be jeopardized because of the paper's ability to write on its own, Naneek stalks the two friends. He plans on waiting for them in one of their hideouts - The Secret Hole. Sitting silently, listening to movements coming from inside the overgrown backyard, Brendan and Ehrin watch as a door appears in an old pine tree. A repulsive odor and blinding light send the two spies tearing out of The Secret Hole, heading straight for their spy headquarters in Brendan's garage.

Before they investigate, they devise a plan. Using the strange looking pen found in a neighbor's yard, Brendan begins to scribble on the old piece of paper. Instantly, Brendan begins to write, but they are not his words. Line by line, a riddle appears, revealing clues to a dangerous journey that is about to be taken, and it will only reveal itself to Brendan and Ehrin.

They tuck away their new discovery and head to the Secret Hole to find the door that they can't see. With a tug on a hidden knocker, Brendan and Ehrin discover a world that is buried right in their own back yards. They are instantly on the run, darting inhabitants and fleeing from hideous creatures. They must stay out of the way of an internal war raging on between the Waasms and THE BANISHED.

Naneek finds the two friends, and being desperate to keep his plan hidden, he has to help them make their way safely back to the entrance of the tunnel, not before he takes their memories. With The Waas and the new leader, Sicky Nick, on their heels, Brendan and Ehrin exit the dangerous world two days later. But there is one catch: Ehrin remembers.


I’d move everything into the present tense to keep the sense of immediacy: Naneek finds the two friends, and desperate to keep his plan secret, he helps them safely back to the tunnel entrance. He takes their memories. The Waas and their new leader Sicky Nicky on their heels Brendan and Ehrin exit the dangerous world two days later.

This is pretty good, not awash in unnecessary details or descriptions.

2 comments:

Ski said...

I found your site last evening, read 'till after three in the morning, and now I'm back. I'm like a stray cat, feed me once and you'll never get rid of me.

The Crapometer should be published and on the bestseller list. With regard to publishing, this is the most amazing stuff I've ever read. I’m not exaggerating, that's the truth. I had no idea there was anyone out there who could read so many submissions in a row and not fall into a coma, and - all the while pay such close attention to each one, offer immediate analysis and suggestions, not be cynical, not be arrogant, point out the worst in a way that is straight forward without being malicious, seek out everything positive and find a way to compliment and encourage, and do it all with a writers talent and sense of wit that made me laugh out loud! Who the hell are you, and where have you been all my life?

In one visit you have turned around every preconceived negative notion I had about agents, and provided an experience I have not been able to find anywhere else on the planet. I think that’s a respectable amount of work for one evening. I’m hooked, I’m a fan, and I want lots more.

Because you’ve asked, I won’t pay any attention to the woman behind the curtain. I have to say though, anyone who has read what you’ve written understands what you really are. Sorry, you’re good, but even you can’t hide a generous nature and a good heart. Clooney must be blind.

With My Honest To Goodness Best Regards,
Ski

Anonymous said...

THanks for the review, Miss Snark. You made me a litle happier today!!!