12.19.2005

Big Red Flag on S. Claus Literary Agency

The top ten reasons you should not query Santa Claus:

10. Santa is very lax about responding to query letters even if you include an SASE.

9. Santa has no known street address or telephone number.

8. Santa doesn't publish guidelines for letters at all.

7. Santa is not in New York City, and in fact, only visits the city once a year.

6. Santa appears to have very superficial knowledge of editors; he lists them only as "naughty" or "nice"

5. Santa doesn't read his own query letters; he makes the elves do it.

4. While Santa appears in many books, he's never acknowledged as the agent of sale.

3. When Santa was quizzed about royalties at a recent writing conference, he appeared perplexed and responded "I'm not royalty but I am a saint, does that count?".

2. Even for publishing, Santa's work schedule of one night a year is pretty lax.

and the number one reason not to query Santa is:

1. Santa has no sales; he gives it all away.

7 comments:

brainlesionssuck said...

Oh shit. Foiled again.

Kathie at housewifecafe.com

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Another reason:

Never trust a man that calls you "Ho, ho, ho!"

Yikes...did I say that...bad Bonnie...bad Bonnie!

Bernita said...

~keyboard alert~

kim reid said...

Very nice Miss Snark. They could use you on Letterman.

Rowan said...

If one does wish to query, Santa can be reached at:
S. Claus
North Pole
H0H 0H0
Canada





(Canada Post forwards these to retired persons who answer in the name of Santa for the kids - gives everyone a feel-good all around)

M. C. Pearson said...

Hilarious and very true to life, eh?

Dawno said...

This should be sent ASAP over to Preditors and Editors before one more unsuspecting writer falls into his insidous trap!!