Category: Best Disqualification for Verbosity
Clooney broke down. "No. I hid the ring her gin pail, and her poodle, Killer Yapp, swallowed it as he gnawed on the leftover ice." Both agent and star await the proof of his affection.
Category: Best Entry Calling Miss Snark a Horse’s Ass
she battled her big brown eyes, shook her massive head no, turned around and vanished into the sunset swishing her tail behind her.
Category: Best Use of Canine Characters
Miss Snark said, "Do you think I am filling this Jacuzzi with gin to bathe Killer Yapp?"
Miss Snark’s spokesperson, Killer Yapp, denied pregnancy rumors, but confirmed both the engagement and the incident of the pot-bellied pig and the gin pail
he lowered his voice and smiled. "My Tango's loaded with Bombay Sapphire...and a T-bone for Killer Yapp, to keep him busy while we...celebrate."
the proposal of a lifetime, Miss Snark was tragically unavailable. The only response was from someone calling himself Killer Yapp, who said "Bite me."
Category: Best Entry From A Clearly Demented Snarkling
She reportedly told Georgie that the diamond "needed work" and she'd send him a "revision request" once she got back into the office.
Category: Best Integration of Diamonds
she replied, "Alas, it's something I can't discuss." Rumor has it Snark suffered an emotional break-down herself following publication of Nicole Ritchie's trashy novel.
Category: Best Use of Medicinal Liquids
Snark replied, "I adore George, but Killer Yapp discovered George prefers bourbon. Torrid affair? Certainement. A lifetime with a man who doesn't drink gin? Impossible!"
Category: Best Use of Nitwit
Miss Snark shook two pleading writers off her slim ankles, flashed the diamond, and declared the reporter "nitwit of the day" for asking the question.
the actor said she was very polite, telling him that he had some
original lines, but that the bribery attempt marked him as a nitwit.
Category: Best Use of Rules for Submission
Clooney sighed. "She said I had to prove my love by reading her entire slush pile. I love her, but I can't handle that!"
Mr. Clooney was curiously mum. Later reports revealed that he'd forgotten to include an SASE, and therefore never received an answer.
he said his proposal was accidentally delivered to a "C. Rapometer," who wrote back,
"Show, don't tell."
"Next time," said Clooney, "I'm using registered mail."
he sighed. "Not yet. I gave it to her with the beginning of my novel rolled inside it. She's asked me to revise and resubmit."
And the winner WAS, until I checked the word count
Miss Snark screamed "Hurray!"
Hauled out the Tanqueray.
that is what I call a query."
Later, caused a flap;
best man was Killer Yapp
So the Winner is:
When asked if she accepted, Clooney lamented, "I never should have opened my proposal with 'Dear Agent.'