12.26.2005

Crapometer #10

Thriller

THE WRONG PAGES

Twenty-something hotshot literary agent SELINA SNARK is still searching for the George Clooney-alike of her dreams. Meanwhile, she sifts mss in her tiny New York office, with her faithful poodle at her feet. (Killer Yapp has his own chair)

Selina's well-ordered life takes a dramatic turn when CIA agent LANCE POLLARD sends her secret documents relating to the War on Terror by mistake. Expecting a five page extract from Lance's spy novel 'When the Bombs Fell', Selina is instead horrified to find herself reading details of the imprisonment and torture of American citizens in secret prison camps across Europe.

With Lance and his colleagues moving in to retrieve the documents--and silence her--Selina must race against time to convince investigative reporters that the documents are genuine, and not a publicity stunt intended to boost sales of a client's literary thriller. In desperation, she
turns to old flame PAUL LANE, who reports on Middle Eastern affairs for a prominent NY newspaper.

Selina fights her way across NY City to meet with Paul, impeded by an incontinent poodle, (hey!) holiday traffic, foreign cab drivers, and a fortuitous subway strike. When they finally find each other, in a tiny bar near Ground Zero, he tries to persuade her to give the documents into his safekeeping. Yet something about his manner convinces her that he has been approached by the CIA. She pulls a switch, and escapes, leaving him with only a full ms of a cozy in a brown envelope.

Lance corners Selina and, after a short struggle, immobilizes her by snapping off her stiletto heels. He tells her that since she has destroyed him by handing the documents to Paul, who, he reveals, is an agent for Al Qaida, he is going to take her down and then kill himself. With a gun to her head, Selina produces what she thinks are the documents, but which turn out to be the cozy ms. Paul has pulled a double-switch!

Selina and Lance team up in order to retrieve the documents and expose Paul's treachery, pursued by a sniper and mysterious men in black vans. Only Selina's poodle's noble self-sacrifice (HEY!!) saves them from a dangerous encounter with a paid assassin.

Together, they trick Paul into returning the documents to Selina and accepting the cozy instead. When Paul hands the cozy to his Al Qaida contact, he is brutally murdered for his incompetence.

Lance captures the contact following an exciting chase across NY City and, with the help of Selina's exceptional negotiating skills, makes a deal to roll up his entire network in the US, publish Lance's novel and even make it into a film--starring George Clooney--with Selina attached as a consultant.

THE WRONG PAGES will appeal to readers of fast-moving political thrillers like THE SUM OF ALL FEARS and THE RUSSIA HOUSE.

not to mention literary agents. Killer Yapp wants a few changes though.

8 comments:

otto said...

Very clever!

LJCohen said...

This made me laugh. I would definitely read the book. :)

ljc

MissWrite said...

Hey, ya'all. We now know 'Miss Snark's' first name! It's Selina. She didn't deny it. ;)

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and a blessed New Year to all of Snarkville.

Anonymous said...

Kitty, is this you? I think you have a bestseller here!

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Yikes...they killed off the poodle! I don't think that's gonna' make Killer Yapp read it!

Very well done. I agree...it sounds like Kitty's clever hand!

kaolin fire said...

google will give a hint if you know how to search. :)

Miss Snark said...

Time spent googling Miss Snark is better spent polishing your prose. Everyone back to work.

kitty said...

Anon ... No, I didn't write this. In fact, I have nothing for the crapometer this time.