12.11.2005

Miss Snark is Not Amused

Dear Miss Snark
I'm hesitant about submitting my new novel for publication because I do not want to see it remaindered. There are so many great works of literature in my local bookstore, all at knock down prices (my God, you can even get The Bible for a couple of bucks) and I don't want the same to happen to my magnum opus. I have a large opus. My question is, how can I be assured that my genius will run and run?


This is a joke, right?
If by some horrid chance it's not, please turn in your thesaurus, dictionary, and computer at the door and return to civilian life.

21 comments:

someone paranoid said...

This, to me, seems like a legitimate concern

Rick said...

I was waiting for your response to that one, Miss Snark, and of course you did not disappoint.

Why do I somehow doubt that this magnum opus of genius will ever make it as far as the remainder table?

Christine said...

Ack, that hurts my head.

Brady Westwater said...

I see my post here was one of the ones deleted last night. And it was... brilliantly... snarky.

Alas, I can no longer remember what it was.

Thus still yet another great loss to literature takes place and will never to make it to the remainde tables.

the chocolatier said...

On first read (skimming) I thought it said Magnum Optimum (a carmel filled ice-cream bar coated in dark chocolate) and thought I was in the presence of a literary genius. Literature compared to a 1500 calorie chocolate siren, brilliant.

Then I read Miss Snark's comment and didn't get it at all. Now, I feel really stupid, but - what the hell is a magnum opus?

Bernita said...

It must be a joke.
No one could be quite that conceited.

Bill Peschel said...

If Miss S. won't tell the poster, I will.

A simple, 3-step way to preserve a large opus:

1. Remove carefully. Be sure to get the roots.

2. Place inside a large brown paper bag until it has dried completely.

3. Store in a dry place, preferably away from sunlight.

A properly prepared opus can be preserved for many years, and can be passed along to your children. Consult your lawyer for details.

Dee said...

sometimes genius runs and runs...away from the person...like this one !

Miss Snark said...

Choc, a magnum opus is also a BFB...big fat book.

it's latin for "big work", or most usually "big achievement".

sheriff lamb said...

No dissing on the remainders table, either! I read a heckuva lot of great books from the $.50 box at the library book sale. And the Strand used to sell proof copies of novels in a dusty, dusty corner for $.99. If I were the original commenter, I'd maybe just be glad that my genius even has a shot at being read.

Cheryll said...

Hey, that's what vanity presses used to be for! And with computers and the local Kinkos Copy Shop today, one can typeset and self publish to stay forever in print.

Don't need an agent for that, right?

Of course, no one might ever read it...but it would stay in print...

Sonarbabe said...

Okay, I can see sighing when you find your masterpiece in the 10 books for $5 bin, but seriously, one should be happy with the fact their manuscript was good enough to be published in the first place. Call me nutty, but I think I would rather risk seeing my book for $.75 at the local thrift store than sitting under my desk still in 8.5"x11" format. At least then, I know that someone at some point paid the $6.99 to get it.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

I'm glad you cleared that up Miss Snark. Personally I like the chocolatier's version better.

But alas, from my younger days: bigger is not always better! :-)

imp (Iva-Marie Palmer) said...

Miss Snark...

I think you might have a lawsuit on your hands. 'I have a large opus" sounds awfully dirty to me.

To the writer: I recommend you put that thing away, far away, or you might take out someone's eye. (Not to mention needed shelf space at my local bookstore.)

As for the cheapie Bible, I would like to tell the writer: Actually, you can get it for nothing ... thanks to the free copies the Gideons stuff in Super 8 nightstands nationwide.

Lastly, speaking as a devout reviler of Bible Bangers, to have the Bible at least a weensy bit remaindered might do this world some good.

Maxwell said...

But isn't that the whole point?!? Long after I'm dead and gone, somebody finds a copy of one of my books a yard sale for 25 cents. Suddenly, I live again, at least in a limited way.

Rowan said...

Not only could you live again, but I have quite a few new-to-me authors I picked out of the HC remainder bin, and have since bought many of their other books when the cheapo HC turned out to be really good. Besides, from what I've seen, most HC remainders mean the PB is out, not that it's bad or something. I just happen to have a hardcover fetish, so I always look over the remainder stacks.

Stacy said...

Sheesh!

Stacy said...

Now see, this is why would-be authors (who are not independently wealthy or famous for being famous) have such a hard time. Some of them just don't get it. At all.

Maxwell said...

Hardcover fetish ... How funny. I have a paperback fetish, it goes back to years of commuting via public transportation. I could read a paperback standing, no matter how bad the crowd. A hardcover would often leave me standing in a crowd with nothing to read but the back cover, avoiding eye-contact with all the other working stiffs. Even though I now have a short car commute, I still avoid anything heavier than a pocket-book sized paperback whenever possible.

THRILL said...

Snort of laughter! This is coffee on keyboard time again!

Miss Snark said "it's latin for "big work", or most usually "big achievement".

Now Freud would have a great time with this Snarkling. I can think of a LOT of interesting translations...

lmharmon said...

I think I inhaled a whole ice cube when I read the line "I have a large opus."