oh fudge

Oh, Lord. Gifts? My book is also forthcoming next year. Gifts are a lovely idea, but--What kind? What if I forget somebody?

Of course I know my editor and her assistant and the publicity director, but this past Sept. I went to NY and met about 8 other people in the office and have no memory of their names. (I know, I know--I should be flogged with a gin pail.)

What about a gift to the office, with separate notes to the people I know?Compounding my anxiety is the fact that last year I sent a box of gift fudge (made by actual live monks in a monastery) to my agent and received no acknowledgement. Which made me wonder if a) I'd committed some kind of nitwittery; b) the monks charged my Visa then ate the fudge themselves; c) the agent's assistant snarfed it and hid the evidence.

Would Miss Snark have acknowledged monk-crafted hazelnut fudge? Or had I crossed some invisible line of etiquette? I've never seen this kind of stuff addressed anywhere else--thanks again, Miss Snark!

First, your editor's assistant knows the names of the people you met most likely. Ask him/her.

Second, never send fudge. It's one of those gifts that sounds good, and it's easy to send, and who doesn't like fudge, right? Well....almost none of us. It sits in the too hot mailroom OR it sits on our waistlines. Ugly choices, both.

Give fudge to boys or men in their 20s who can eat entire buffet tables and not show it.

It's also entirely possible that the card got lost. You did include a card right? Cause the stuff stacks up here at the holidays and it's not always possible to read shipping labels.

And yes, Miss Snark acknowledges gifts. Hand written notes even. Even if they are fudge.

In her young and impressionable days, Miss Snark received a lovely box of choccies one Christmas week day. Too bad they weren't for her. She knew this cause the card said "to honeypie from grandma" and Grandmother Snark calls her granddaughter "Miss Snark" of course, not "honeypie".

Being a good soul (I told you, this was LONG ago) Miss Snark called the company to say the package was delivered incorrectly. The call center person promised to correct it. And did. Another package arrived, also addressed to a honeypie from Grandma, at Miss Snark's address. Miss Snark called AGAIN (very young remember) and was told "yes, we fixed that and resent it".

Nuh uh you didn't.

Miss Snark then got on the blower herself, looked up the honeypie in the local phone book and said "hey y'all Grandma sent you candy but you gotta come git it". Newp, no non-snark arrivals.

MissSnark waited two days.
Then she ate it ALL.
This may explain her aversion to fudge...and why she had to leave town after taking candy from a baby.


Kat said...

Dear Miss Snark and my Fellow Snarkettes,
I offer for your reading pleasure this page from Penguin UK:

Editorial, Contracts, Rights, Design, Production, Marketing, Sales, Finance, Publicity and HR each briefly answer a set of questions including: "What do you spend most of your time doing?" "What's the worst thing about your job?" and "How did you get into Penguin (what was your 'break')?" (via BoingBoing.net)


Anonymous said...

Thanks, Miss S! Of course you're right about the fudge--color me nitwit. From now on, I'll eat the goodies and instead send lovely heartfelt cards. This, at least, I know how to do, and I'm glad to say I've already sent a couple. I LOVE my agent and editor. Meeting them in NYC was a 2-day warm fuzzy. Better even than gin, by God.

Brady Westwater said...

For the one or two people you really interact with - an gift should be personalized and the more personal and the less it costs, the better a gift it is. It shows you care and know the person; and yet it does not create any financial obligation on them.

For the rest of the crew - something they can enjoy en masse; a classy fuit basket usually has something for everyone.

Ftuir basket

Whirlaway said...

Here's one: what if your agent is Jewish? I feel like an idiot sending him a Christmas card, and "Happy Holiday" cards basically seem like the same thing, but worded namby-pambily.

Tess said...

While I adore everyone I work with in publishing, I am one of those people who can''t even figure out what to get my own family for Christmas. At the risk of sounding like Ms. Scrooge, I wish we could dispense with all this stress of business gift-giving. Every year, I agonize over choosing business gifts that are: 1. Tasteful 2.Appropriate 3.much appreciated 4.Not too cheap yet not too expensive, so that the recipient won't feel either inadequate or forced to be equally extravagant in an escalating arms race of gift parity. Please, can someone call a halt to this, so I can go back to writing my novel?