Miss Snark, I have a question of your expertise, and no, not the literary kind. Outside of the frozen kind, what's the wimpiest kind of drink a man can order? I need it for my novel, but, not being a drinker myself, decided to come to the best.
And the helpful comments ranged from short and sweet:
Have you ever seen a guy order a cosmopolitan? Fruit-flavored beer?
Elektra,If you want a whimpy drink for a guy, write it as a Pink Squirrel.A cutesy drink from bygone days that looks like Pepto Bismol and is normally served in a martini style glass. Meaning cutesy little stem with a vee shaped top.
to the full fledged cris de couer:
Normally, I would not dare presume to answer for Miss Snark. But I figure I'm qualified to speak on the subjects of masculinity and booze, so I'll give Elektra a little help while Miss Snark gets her official answer together. Here is a primer on determining a drink's macho level.
1. Any mixed drink that was popular with any historical or literary character with a reputation as a manly man is automatically something a tough guy can drink without fear, as long as it remains close to the original. For example, lime Daquiris on the rocks are quite acceptable for Real Men, since Hemmingway liked them. Frozen bananna daquiris are not.
2. Take off macho points for any use of fruit juice except lemon or lime. Only a tough guy could drink pure lemon juice anyway.
3. You can make up for fruit juice if you add enough alchohol. Lots of alchohol makes a drink macho, especially if it tastes like it could clean a stove. With its 151-proof rum, nobody dares call a Zombie a drink for wusses. (The Zombie also doesn't violate Rule 4, below).
4. Under no circumstances may a macho drink have a cutesy name. Nothing, and I mean nothing, kills a drink's reputation more than an unmacho name. If a name doesn't have tradition behind it, it needs something ominous or tough like "Zombie" or "Godfather." ( KY: or Killer!)
So, what drinks break as many of these rules as possible? I'd have to say that the least macho drinks I know of would have to be the Fuzzy Navel and the Woo Woo.
While I certainly agree with all of the above, Miss Snark's Final Word is:
The least macho thing a male can drink (even if not wearing a pink tam) is toilet bowl water.