1.19.2006

Giant Squid Posts Come in Threes!

ok, this is surreal.
I've had 1038 posts on this blog is six months or so.
I've never mentioned giant squid before today, so today I mention it twice.

In the mail (I swear this is true) a friend sent me...taaa daa...a stuffed squid.

Now, the reason she sent this has nothing to do with the blog. It's a long running joke with some of my girlie co-conspirators.

It seems Miss Snark found herself on a date with a man who wanted to attend the cinema. Well Miss Snark likes popcorn and Junior Mints and a good action flick as much as the next chick so she said "sure".

first warning sign: no refreshments appeared.

first mistake: not objecting when man selects seats in back row

second warning sign: empty theatre

second mistake: accomadating the fellow when he wanted to move to the far end AND sit so that Miss Snark had a wall on her right side and behind her.


third mistake: no electric cattle prod in handbag

fourth mistake: waiting till he tried TWICE to read Miss Snark's tattoo using the Braille method before standing up, stepping smartly on his ankle with a stiletto and walking out of the movie.

fifth and final mistake: telling friends about the event. They've never ever let me live it down.

We call that guy "the octopus". And today, a pink squid in the mail...cause now that I have NetFlix I "might need some company watching movies."

sheesh. friends. what would I ever do without them.

30 comments:

AzGhostWriter said...

Let me get this straight. Giant squid, movie theater, lots of panting, drama, some emotional outburst and you didn't get to see the movie? This sounds like one of those fifties movies with Steve McQueen.

Jude Hardin said...

Damn. THAT'S where I went wrong. I'll have to remember the Junior Mints and popcorn next time.

By the way, people tell me I look like George Clooney, except that I have a better body.

the green ray said...

This is so revealing about you, Miss Snark. Where is your tatoo? Do tell. Truman Capote once made a bizarre generalization about people with tatoos: he said they're all very strange, or something like that. I'm still trying to decide who I should vote for (I'm a SAG member)in the SAG awards. It's between Heath and Philip, but I'm leaning toward Heath. They don't serve refreshments in these posh screening rooms. No popcorn, no junior mints - and nobody munching or crunching in your ear. I prefer it that way. Seeing all these movies has been a nice escape from the literary world; but I always rush home to get my fix of your blog. More entertaining than most of the movies I've seen.

McKoala said...

My first ever date was with a boy who took me to a movie that we were technically too young to get into (lipstick works wonders). Then he only laughed at the dirty bits. Short relationship.

Tribe said...

This almost sounds like that scene from Taxi Driver where DeNiro takes Cybil Sheppard to the movies. You sure he didn't give you a Kris Kristofferson album too?

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

word verification: chweesy

That about sums up Miss Snark's experience with that nitwit!

Yasmine Galenorn said...

Yay for tattooed chicks! (I know, I'm covered with them). :) And using a stiletto to ward off Mr. Tentacles? Woohoo! Spikes have their uses. Miss Snark, I knew I liked what I've read of you so far.

Kristen Painter said...

I think I dated that guy...

kitty said...

Reminds me of this fab quote from Tootsie:

I think I'm gonna give every nurse on this floor an electric cattle prod, and just instruct them to just *zap* him in his badoobies.

Kaycee said...

Thanks for the coffee snort at 6:43am. Yer a hoot.

Rhonda Stapleton said...

LOLOL - I've been on dates like that.

Back in high school, a guy wanted to take me to some new "psychological thriller" movie called Basic Instinct.

Having never heard of the movie, I agreed to go...

...and promptly left the theater during that first explicit scene, once I realized what kind of movie we were actually seeing. hahaha

Kristin said...

I know the Million Little Pieces thing is getting played out...but...you have seen this, right Miss Snark?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44479

I don't care too much about the controversy of the whole thing, but I do enjoy good satire.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

I don't have a tatoo. I don't own a cattle prod. (Are they expensive?)But, I have met a few two-legged squids.

My defense is an "I will bite you" scowl. I'm really good at putting my hands on my hips, drawing myself up to my full four feet ten inches and staring the "squids" one meets squarely in the belly button.

Your story reminds me of a trip to LaGrande, Oregon. We were visiting my aunt. I was ummm 14 I think. Maybe I was 13. My older cousins and their girl friends dragged me off to see some movie. I cannot remember what it was. I spent the entire time watching them locked at the lips. I didn't know human lips could be squished into that many funny shapes.

They invited a friend, some poor boy probably about 15. He was my un-date. He white knuckled the theater seat and refused to look anywhere but at the screen – unless he thought no one else was watching.

At first I was terrified he's grab for me and smush up my lips, just to go with the flow. I figured I'd have to bite him. But, well, as I said, he was terrified. ...

Maya said...

Green Ray: Review Capote again and vote for PSH.

Brokeback Mountain was the better film, but Philip's performance was the better acting job.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark,

Speaking of giant boneless sea creatures (take that however you like!), have you checked out the picture of the giant jellyfish in the world section of cnn online?

--Lizzy

Miss Snark said...

Just to really throw a scare into you Pixie Princess, Miss Snark knows where LaGrande Oregon is, AND has been there. Be afraid, be very afraid.

lady t said...

Never ran across any squid but I do recall one movie date where the fella in question took me to his car afterwards and showed me his family photo album(mind you,this was our first date)-not a small compact album,nope one of those big binder types.

That was a sign unto me to not have a
second date-the movie was To Wong Foo,Thanks for everything love Julie Newmar,btw

the green ray said...

Maya, they're both terrific. And I'm hoping to see both films again before I vote. But Hoffman's is a brilliant character performance, while Ledger's has a more quiet kind of power, and the way he says his last line is still haunting me, can't shake it. But I saw Capote a long time ago. It'll be interesting to see who gets the Oscar. It's definitely between the two of them.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark,

I've been told the universe speaks in 'threes"...so its saying something important...pay attention. Something to do with squids. Perhaps there is a manuscript buried in the slush pile called "A Million Little Squids" that will make you millions. Or perhaps its a warning not to have the calamari at your favorite eatery. Who knows? But pay attention, I'd say.

p.s., my first boyfriend used to put a junior mint on my bare knee when we'd go to the movies on a hot, California night. Later, he'd lick it off. We were both eighteen I think...is that weird?

Anonymous said...

'SQUID' as Literary Craft Terms

The famous "Turkey City Lexicon"--a list of critique-group labels (mostly centered on sci-fi) actually uses 'squid' in two of its analytical terms. (I'm particularly fond of the first.)

>>Squid in the Mouth
The failure of an author to realize that his/her own weird assumptions and personal in-jokes are simply not shared by the world-at-large. Instead of applauding the wit or insight of the author's remarks, the world-at-large will stare in vague shock and alarm at such a writer, as if he or she had a live squid in the mouth.

Since SF writers as a breed are generally quite loony, and in fact make this a stock in trade, "squid in the mouth" doubles as a term of grudging praise, describing the essential, irreducible, divinely unpredictable lunacy of the true SF writer. (Attr. James P Blaylock)

>>Squid on the Mantelpiece
Chekhov said that if there are dueling pistols over the mantelpiece in the first act, they should be fired in the third. In other words, a plot element should be deployed in a timely fashion and with proper dramatic emphasis. However, in SF plotting the MacGuffins are often so overwhelming that they cause conventional plot structures to collapse. It's hard to properly dramatize, say, the domestic effects of Dad's bank overdraft when a giant writhing kraken is levelling the city. This mismatch between the conventional dramatic proprieties and SF's extreme, grotesque, or visionary thematics is known as the "squid on the mantelpiece."

Just a little more synchronicity...

Feisty said...

That's what friends are for, Miss Snark. If a friend can't give you a squid, who can?

Sylvia Hubbard said...

Nikki Woods directed me to this sight and oh my goodness, I know how you feel.

Bad dates are the worst and I've had almost similiar experiences.

I loved the Braille reading of the tatoo remark. LMAO

kaytie said...

There are five references to a giant squid in my novel. Timeliness is everything!

Jaye Wells said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jaye Wells said...

Am I the only one who is confused that a demand exists in this world for stuffed squids?

I really should be writing...

Jaye

BJNewman said...

Geesh..I think I am having a time warp moment--that sounds like a drive-in date I had with someone named Angelo in the summer of 1968...BJN

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Oh My God! The Great Snarky spoke to me! Didn't scare me much though. I own a guard goat!

How 'bout Lincoln City? Can't go to Oregon without visiting Lincoln City. Moe's! I'll meet you at Moe's. We'll have clam chowder and gossip about squids!

Miss Snark said...

Miss Snark prefers Cannon Beach to Lincoln City, thank yew. Valerie Ryan's bookstore there is the cat's pajamas. Oh, wait, I hope it's still there!!!

Anonymous said...

Memoirs of a squid: A Million Little Suckers

Emelle

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Humm,you mean Cannon Beach Book Company? I don't know who owns it.
I'm a used and rare book person myself.

I was tempted to go off to Cannon Beach for the Midwinter Mystery Weekend. Long treck for me though. It would be fun.