Dear Miss Snark,
I couldn't resist sharing this email exchange with you:
"Dear Miss Fabulous:
Thank you for reading my book (manuscript) and responding. As you don't feel that it is right, I am asking that you return TITLE by AUTHOR. You may use either FedEx or UPS COLLECT. The return address is: AUTHOR, ADDRESS, ADDRESS.
I was looking for a good agent and had hoped you would be it. I would not have sent you an unsolicated email if I had not made a statement in my original letter to the effect that if I didn't hear from you within a certain period of time, I would mail you a copy of my manuscript. I felt you were giving me an opportunity. Thank You for your time and for returning it.
To which I responded,
"Dear NUTJOB AUTHOR,
I'm afraid I've already recycled your manuscript, as is our policy when return postage isn't included with a submission (link to agency website), As for your approach to finding an agent, I suggest you rethink it. I don't recall seeing the original letter you sent regarding your novel, but sending your manuscript because you didn't hear a response (and sending same manuscript without a cover letter of any sort) was a questionable move at best. Did you send an SASE with that letter? If not, we would have disposed of it without responding, as is our policy. We are quite literally inundated with letters and manuscripts, a reality that unfortunately requires such measures.
I'm sorry we've disposed of your manuscript, and I suggest in future you adhere to the submission guidelines of the various literary agencies you contact.
oh Miss Snark guffawed all the way down Madison Avenue on that one!
It's a new strategy! I'll send you something and if I don't hear back I'll assume the best! You've taken me on as a client! You've sold my work for zillions. Hey...where's the money??
Miss Snark retires to the settee with pail of gin and Norman Vincent Peale "The Power of Positive Thinking".