Miss Snark is even less amused

Miss Snark,

Been reading your blog and it seems that quite a few people are not so much interested in having their work published and rather interested in writing or starring in movies about themselves. That's fine, it helps to see their aim. (starting out an email to me by patronizing the people who read this blog is stupid)

I have a question that I may already know the answer to, but would still enjoy seeing it: (yea, that's called masturbation and it'll give you hairy palms) I am a writer who has written several things, has a stack of 60 or so rejections, two or three publications and a reading in San Francisco under my belt. The reading was for (college), and after that I am hooked - strung out - addicted. I want more of it. How? (yea cause wanting to be the center of attention for college students is so much more high brow than say..wanting your book made into a movie)

A former professor at Arizona State told me to "write with a fury" and that the "writer is the one who stays in the room" - not that he was advocating me being a shut-in, just motivated and savvy to the time it takes. I've been writing and submitting to big journals, small journals, very few e-journals and it all seems rather hit-and-miss, like hunting butterflies with a shotgun from sixty paces . . . (yea, so?)

I'm not looking for an easier way, I'm looking for a more effective way. My system now of writing and polishing short projects and long projects concurrently with September and February submission seasons in mind helps me get the writing done - but isn't padding my resume. Should I consider columns and essays? Go the route of Nataro and Sedaris? Or should I just continue to follow Ron Carlson's advice and write when my fingers itch, and write with a fury?

What's the question? You want to have more readings? Hire a publicist. Meet event curators. Write a book and go on book tour.

Meanwhile, get your head out of your ass.


d said...

snarkling water

what I just spit all over my monitor ...

Lynn Raye Harris said...


Screw my fiction. When I'm finished with this here master's thesis, I'm gonna try to get it made into a movie. Starring myself as Virginia Woolf, of course.

I ain't no Nicole Kidman, but Nicole wasn't Nicole either when she played good old VW. Prosthetic noses can do wonders...

Watch for it. I shall thank my agent, Miss Snark*, for everything when I pick up my Oscar. I may even thank my husband. And the devotion of snarklings, of course, without whom none of this would have been possible.

*MS is not currently my agent. This will change when I send my thesis to uranitwit@wtf.com.

All said snark-in-cheek, of course. :)

Elektra said...

Did any of these professors think to teach him--oh, I don't know--grammar or punctuation?

Elektra said...

The reading was for (college), and after that I am hooked - strung out - addicted.

Or consistent tenses, for that matter.

Tribe said...

Is this that Squid guy you were talking about?

Barbara Sheridan said...

Meanwhile, get your head out of your ass.

And comments like this are why Miss Snark is my Hero.



It's 4 a.m. cut me some slack ^_^

Stacia said...

Now, now. We shouldn't be snarking on the man.

I mean, we're just a bunch of glory hounds, whereas this esteemed writer is looking for shortcuts to win the adoration of college kids.

See the difference? He's so much better, so much more serious, so much more...intellectual than we are.

Buddy, some lessons in how to actually write in English might help you reach that lofty goal. Just a suggestion.

Anonymous said...

As a courtesy to snarklings with delicate sensibilities, can we agree not to have nekkid pictures on this blog?

The posts and comments are funny and edifying, but the masturbation picture makes me uncomfortable. (December Quinn, not to single you out, but yours is the one I noticed.)

That kind of picture does not seem to fit with the tone of the blog.

Miss Snark said...

nekkid pics?
where? where?

Bernita said...

"strung out?" as in string?
What a line.
Sounds like he's aFreyed knot.

Anonymous said...

"September and February submission seasons?"

Huh? Am I missing something?

Stacia said...

Thanks, anonymous. I'm sorry my picture was so offensive to you. I hope your delicate sensibilities can take this one-I didn't want to lose the link to my blog by posting anon, so I changed my pic. (I write erotic romance, so my "passion for reading" pic fit right in with my own blog. There does not seem to be a way for me to disable my pic when commenting.)

Thanks for not embarrassing me by singling me out publicly, instead of by email.

DD3123 said...

Butterflies can get (Queen Alexandria's Birdwing) up to 11-12" evidently. That's quite large enough to use ordinary birdshot on. Although at 60 paces, you might want a choke - but it's still do able I think.

Maybe we should put out a wager of some sorts? Just need someone who lives in Papua New Guinea.

Fish Monkey said...

River Falls --
I believe s/he is referring to submission periods of many literary journals run by colleges. They usually do not accept subs during the winter and summer breaks.

Of course, there are other places to send fiction. But it sounds like the snonymous author is trying to build a literary reputation/resume (which really helps if one wants to teach fiction to the undergrads).

Anonymous said...

I don't want to play myself, I want to play Jane Austen.

Or Catherine Morland, but only if Henry Tilney is really, really hot. Like Adrien Brody hot.

Gosh, I'm glad I didn't get into that MFA program now.

Mindy Tarquini said...

Miss Snark? If I ever send you an email like that, please send Killer Yapp and his buddies to remove the stick from my butt.

Jo Bourne said...

>>> I am hooked - strung out - addicted. I want more of it. How?<<<<

This sounds like someone who should go into teaching.

It's a high calling.
And if you come to the job because you like showing off a bit ... that's cool too.

Maya Reynolds said...

Good for you, December Quinn. He was just talking to hear himself. Another form of self-stimulation. Gosh, I'll bet Freud would have had a ball with the projection in his blog directed at you [VEG].

I don't care who I play in the movies as long as I get to play with Johnny Depp.

Feisty said...

Ah, academia, where no one is prepared for real life and everything is a dream.

This poor child will soon realize that life does exist outside the university's walls and that it requires more than lofty thoughts to succeed.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark, I love you.

Anonymous said...

This query was an absolutely wonderful laugh. What was the point of this? He thinks that people will be impressed by his rejections and his one reading. What a sad sack!!! Get a reality check please.

Lisa Hunter said...

Not to pile on too much, but...

I think his comment that he wants publication "to pad [his] resume" says it all.

Also, those of us who write articles and essays aren't doing it as a last resort because we can't get our stories in college literary magazines. Some of us actually choose to write articles and essays and have even worked at the craft.

McKoala said...

nekkid pics?! December, if it's on your own blog you just be as nekkid as you like. He who does not like it need not look.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, December Quinn, for removing the picture. I really appreciate it.


Anonymous said...

You know what really bugs me? ONE person's delicate sensibilities causes someone else to feel a) uncomfortable and b) obliged to remove something NO ONE ELSE objected to. That pic was tiny. How could it bother you unless you were clicking on it and increasing the magnification to 150?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude to you, I really really don't. But this is the freaking world wide web! How do you get around it on a daily basis without being offended? I can't stand graphic pictures of violence, and I darned sure wouldn't like it if someone had one as an avatar, but you know what? I know how to scroll! I know how to keep on trucking right on by that offensive picture.

We're writers for God's sake. The 1st amendment is our friend. We should fight to defend it, even when we don't like what's being said.

I am sorry if this sounds mean, but you weren't very nice to December Quinn when you publicly said her picture offended you.

Scroll, baby, scroll. You'll be a lot happier for it.

Anonymous said...

Well now I really, really want to see the nekkid picture and I'm offended that I'm not able to partake in this pleasure. So December Quinn-I expect you to consider my offended sensibility in not subjecting me to nekkidness and put it back up. Anonymous-I feel that my offended sensibility far outweighs your sensibility, for no other reason than I say so.

Stacia said...

Thanks, everyone. I really, really appreciate the support and kind words. For the record, those who want to see the picture can follow the link on my blog to my deadjournal, where the pic still stands in all its tiny glory.

But I removed it not just because anonymous made me feel bad, but because Miss Snark apparently had to disable all userpics to keep mine from showing. That isn't fair to anyone else here. So rather than be the cause of that, I just changed the pic.

But seriously, you guys made me feel so much better.
So thanks.

Miss Snark said...

Once someone, anyone, complains about a picture -justified or not- there is a window of time in which people might be tempted to say things like "you thought THAT was offensive...here's a pic of Killer Yapp in the bath, chew on this, ya perv".

I figured the discussion could rage on for a while without benefit of visual aids.

That said, I wasn't offended, I couldn't see the damn thing. I just don't want a to be the test case for Blogger closing a blog for violating TOS if I can help it.

Anonymous said...

Get the to Rabbitonia.


Anatidaeling said...

I'm a librarian in a large public library, and one of the things I enjoy about my job is having the opportunity to refer library customers to Miss Snark's blog when they have questions about publishing, agents, etc. However, if I thought there were naked pictures on the site, I would hesitate to specifically recommend this site. (I would let the customer know how to find the site on her own, but I probably would not give her the specific URL. Or, maybe, I would give the URL but with a nudity warning.)

I didn't see the naked pictures while they were up, but a lot of my customers do have "delicate sensibilities," so those pictures might have been enough to turn them off the site. (And make them mad at me for referring them to such material.)

Anonymous said...

Tribe, your comment cracked me up.


Anonymous said...

Ron Carlson is the one and only author that has inspired a fan-letter from me. Tear-stained, at that! The thought of his warmth, grace, talent, and general all-around good vibe attached this Sensitive Artist dude just sort of makes me sick.

He's like Mother Theresa and this kid's talent is his leprosy.