1.16.2006

Pay Attention

If you're new to reading this blog, there are some things you will not know.
I think they're obvious, but I'm wrong.

First, don't query Miss Snark.
Ever.
No.
Under no circumstances.
If you can't figure out the reason for that, read the archives.

Second, don't send me email you don't want on the blog.
Ever.

The function of this blog is to answer questions.
People email those questions to me.
I answer them on the blog.

I do not undertake private, one on one, helpful Q&A emails.
Ever.
It's an inefficient use of my time.

And if you think Miss Snark is being cold, nasty, and hard hearted,
you're right.

22 comments:

jason evans said...

Just a suggestion from a humble Snarkling--perhaps you should post the "no queries" commandment prominently in your "About" information to the right. I hate to see you needlessly provoked.

AzGhostWriter said...

I know I'm getting old, but wasn't there another message from some poor slob who mistook Miss Snark's blog for a literary agency? Please tell me I didn't imagine this?

I have enough problems with disappearing hair. Oh, the mysteries of age.

jason evans said...

P.S. The current instruction gets a little lost down there.

Miss Snark said...

Don't send queries is now in big fat letters above the links.

Anonymous said...

Oh shoot, too late. Errr...

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that thread was killed. We're not a nice bunch sometimes. Can't blame the guy for reading some of Miss Snark and wanting her to be his agent.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Dear Snarky,

The rules are self evident. A few minutes on your blog would make them clear to most reasonable people. You are not being mean. You are being plain. There is a big difference.

I don't see you as "provoked" either. If someone acts thoughtlessly and is then hurt, most of us hurt with them. That's true even if we find their act stupid and a tad funny.

The man whose synopsis you posted has no clue. I've spent my life being marginally clueless. I sympathize. But, he said that his proposal had been repeatedly rejected. Doesn't that indicate something is wrong with it? When you're clueless it can be hard to figure out what is wrong with a query letter, synopsis, or anything else we might have submitted. But submitting the same failed material does not fix the problem. And any time on your blog should have told him that you did not accept queries through the blog.

I seriously thought of writing to the person who sent you the query. I didn't write. I don't think it would have been received in anything like the spirit I intended.

You cannot control the foolishness of those who read your blog. (At least someone actually reads your blog. No one reads mine at all, which is probably a good thing.)

You do not have to accept blame or responsibility for the foolishness or unperceptiveness of those who visit your blog. You just don't. We may be responsible to help those who cannot help themselves. We are not responsible for the bad decisions of others.

Oh, Bill E. Goat wants to know if Yap is male or female. I think he's looking for a penpal. Tell Yap not to stress. Bill can't write. So Yap is safe.

Rachael

Dave Kuzminski said...

Nope, the note about not sending isn't high enough to be visible when they first open the page. It needs to be in the About section. Otherwise, they'll still miss seeing it and click on the link to reach this comment section.

boopsievixon said...

Miss Snark,
Perhaps they are confused because of your blog title?

I know how much you dislike reaching for the gin when you receive yet another e-query!

Suppose you could [just a nitwit hint] include on your sidebar a link to the national/global literary association of agents? Perhaps with additional words to check this out before [unsolicit] querying anyone?

M@ said...

I will add another suggestion: read the snarchives before you post or e-mail a question. Many questions have been answered before. No need to annoy Miss Snark unnecessarily.

Anonymous said...

The other problem is that the Yahoo article that mentions you says:

"But once you finish, if you want to see your masterpiece on the recommended shelf, you better get yourself an agent. Not just any literary agent. Make it one who swills gin from a pail, wears stiletto heels, and carries an unhealthy obsession with George Clooney. Make it Miss Snark."

Talk about misleading! Does Yahoo get "Nitwit of the day?"

Miss Snark said...

Holy horsefeathers.
What's the link to yahoo?
They ARE the nitwit of the WEEK

Kristin said...

http://picks.yahoo.com/

Yesterday's pick.

Miss Snark said...

oh geeze, it's actually a really nice mention with links to past posts and everything.

No way to contact them of course about the misleading idea that Miss Snark takes queries or clients.

Oh well.

thanks for the link

Kristin said...

Street Address: Yahoo! Inc.
701 First Avenue
Sunnyvale, California 94089
Phone (408) 349-3300
Fax (408) 349-3301
Office Hours 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. PST

If you really want to contact them, that's all the info I can find. Located at http://docs.yahoo.com/info/address/

Hope it helps! Wouldn't want your inbox inundated with questionable queries. Sorry, it's a Monday and I'm feeling alliterative...and I don't care to look and see if that's actually a word. It is now.

Anonymous said...

jason evans said: "I hate to see you needlessly provoked."

I know it's wrong and evil of me, but I'm afraid I DO like to see you needlessly provoked--it results in some of your most entertaining responses.

Jen said...

I didn't ralize being cold, hard-hearted, and nasty were the same thing as knowing how to use your time effectively.

Gee, I guess you learn something new everyday.

When I first found the blog, I don't remember seeing the no-querying instruction, but I just assumed that would be the case. Otherwise, you'd be completely inundated -- er, even more than you probably are already.

Miss Snark said...

Miss Snark enjoys presenting herself as cold nasty and hard hearted. It cuts down on the query letters with hearts, flowers, and glitter.

Somehow though, it brings out all the lawyers.

Anonymous said...

Dear Miss Snark I am loving your blog its so great and i think it will really help me. I am wondering what kind of a poodle is Killer Yapp, is he one of the big poodles or a toy poodle, and what color is he. I just loooooove poodles and have two myself. Is he real or not

Miss Snark said...

There's quite a bit about the Yappster in the archives.
I've never actually googled him...but you could start with that!

Actually a lot of the best KY material is in the comment tails. KY is fond of tail.

SAND STORM said...

First, don't query Miss Snark.
Ever.
No.
Under no circumstances.

So like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber "You're saying there's a chance"

giggles said...

Unfortunately for you, Ms. Snark, smarm is attractive. The harsher you are, the more people will flock to you. Why? because everyone wants to be the one who tames the shrew. ;)

Chrissie