1.23.2006

Why Miss Snark is Not Miss Winfrey

A few weeks ago I emailed you with the idea of creating your, and your faithful snarklings, list of great books to read. Sort of like Miss Snark's version of Oprah's book club. I never saw anything mentioned on the blog and now feel as if my email were mistakenly deleted. ??

Bad idea? I for one am sick of searching around the bookstore, spending twenty-or-so dollars, only to find myself home with pages of crap that bore me to bits.


The Scene: Miss Snark's evil lair. KILLER YAPP paces the perimter checking for feline intruders. MISS SNARK slumps in her red leather chair, reading her slush pile, bemoaning the rules of decorum that forbid gin before noon. She is stealthily adjusting her watch to London time when we hear

TELEPHONE RING

MS: Snark Agency. You called, you talk.

Client #1: So, I see you have a book club on the blog of yours.

MS: -reaching for emergency gin- uhh...yes

Client #1: You've been telling people about books to read. Good books. Books you love.

MS: -reaching for straw- uhhh...yes, that's right.

Client #1: You didn't mention any of MY books. None.

MS: -swilling gin silently- uhh...no, I didn't. I felt it would be unethical to tell Snarklings to buy my client's books without revealing I had a stake in it.

Client #1: Well, I can solve that problem for you. I'm leaving the Snark Agency. And don't send the blasted dog over here with the 30 day termination letter. Last time he was here, he sent my cat into a gender identity crisis with that pink tam. I had to get neuticals at the vet to make him feel like a tom again.

MS: -sliding to floor in a sodden drunken heap, moaning softly- my last client has left me. What shall I do? Where shall I go, I might have to (sound of satanic laughter) get a real job.

The End

15 comments:

M. G. Tarquini said...

Um...if we don't know who you are and you don't know who you are and we don't know who we are and your clients don't know who we are or who you are and none of us knows nothing about nobody...

How will your clients know you're purposely leaving them off the recommended reading list?

OR...

Is this part of the Nefarious Snarkling Plan to make Miss Snark reveal her true stilettos by creating a cross-referenced diagram of books recommended and agents who represent those authors until we are left with a giant black hole which can only represent...

dum dum dum

Miss Snark.

Debra Kemp said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Miss Snark said...

mg, cause one of these days it will come out. These things always do. I like my clients a lot. I love their books. I don't want to hurt their feelings ever. But I also want to keep doing the blog. NOT doing a book group is an ok sacrifice from my persepective.

There are lots of good books to read. I always read Sarah Weinman to find out what they are.

Miss Snark said...

sorry Debra, this is not the classified ad section of the local Prose Emporioum=post deleted.

M. G. Tarquini said...

You're really very sweet, Miss Snark.

I won't tell anybody.

Voix said...

I agree with your most logical and tasteful decision, Miss Snark. I've got plenty of ideas about what to read next, but the information you provide here is invaluable.

Book clubs are nice, but seriously -- there is only one Miss Snark. Why would we want to take away her precious time from enlightening us about the degree of our nit-wit-atude?

(I'd better stop before I sound even more ridiculous. I just think book club would be a very silly use of your pixelated goodness.)

Anonymous said...

Plus, if the blogosphere knew what books you liked, wouldn't that encourage more queries to uranitwit@wtf.com?

Anonymous said...

Cynthia writes:

Personally, I think the mystery of Miss Snark is something that should be left alone, sort of like the identity of Deep Throat. Didn't you all go, "Huh?" when you read who THAT was? I'd have much rather had my imagination left unimpaired by reality.

And besides ... we already know what Miss Snark DOESN'T like in the way of reading material: Robert Parker and James Frey, not to mention Nicole Richie.

Miss Snark, don't change a thing. You're perfect as-is.

stay_c said...

If you don't want to drop $20 on a book, check it out at the library. Or spend some time reading the first chapter. Or do you just blindly buy books?

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark should seriously consider writing a non-fiction book from the point of view of Killer Yap.

--Lizzy

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark deserves repayment for the devoted attention she lavishes on her nitwit snarklings. Based on the sheer number of snarklings, and the concept of six levels of separation, SOMEBODY knows SOMEBODY who knows George Clooney. This somebody surely can get GC to invite Miss Snark to drinks, or at the least, get him to view her blog--at which point he will fall in love with her wit and wisdom and the carefully concealed goodness of her heart. Get to work, Snarklings!

rkcooke said...

The (somewhat) near future:

A small article appears on the online site for National Enquirer, revealing Miss Snark’s true identity.

Two of her clients depart her agency. One thousand Snarklings immediately send her queries under her real name, and Miss Snark Literary Agency LLC becomes the toast of Manhattan. Every author of quality signs with her. Her agency swells to take over dozens of neighboring cubicles. Interns crawl to her door, and famed agents who previously sold downloadable pdfs for $24.95 beg to become her lackeys.

Weird Al Jancovic’s “Take the Last Train to Snarkville” tops the charts.

Miss Snark’s fame and power spread, even to Hollywood, where a still-single actor in his mid-40s sits alone in his Malibu bungalow. Like a moth to flame, he hops on his Lear and wings his way to Snarkopolis, and on bended knee he pops The Question.

Miss Snark dithers….

Miss Snark said...

Snarkopolis!!!!

dither?
does that mean "falls at his feet and clutches his ankle yipping "Im yours! Im yours!?"

Debra Kemp said...

My apologies, Miss S.

Anonymous said...

Hehehehe