2.17.2006

Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams

From the agent's side of things, what are your expectations for writers?What do you want from your clients as far as attitude, actions, questions, responses, etc?

Ohhhhh, this is a good one. I want a weekly box of chocolates and a posh gym membership to counteract the sugar. I want flowers on my birthday and a steady stream of "Man, you are the greatest agent in the world! And mighty fine, too." emails at random intervals. And a surprise pail of vodka wouldn't hurt every now and then.

But from the writing side of it, I want perfect manuscripts that don't need any editing. Writers with bountiful platforms and Oprah beating down my door (ummm, well, maybe.) Certainly no nagging, mandatory hand-holding, or questioning of self-worth. (Why won't anyone buy my book? Don't they like me? Did I use the wrong font? Aren't I a good writer?) A gentle, pleasant disposition and proper table manners are a plus.

Of course, I'll settle for good ideas, good follow-through, logic, reason, trust, and a normalized sense of self and ego. And a Christmas Card.

8 comments:

Just Jess said...

So, what you really would like is a little recognition and appreciation for being wedged between a publisher's demands for product and your writing client's ego, desperately trying to negotiate a reasonable agreement which benefits both parties . . .

I admire that you are so willing to do what you do.

BuffySquirrel said...

Sheesh, I can't even manage Christmas cards these days.

kitty said...

Man, you and Miss Snark are the greatest agents in the world!

Jim Winter said...

Manuscript's ready to go. Did you want Smirnoff or Stoli with that query letter?

(Personally, I prefer Svedka, but I'm an Irish whiskey kinda guy.)

Your gym membership is contingent upon the size of the advance. I am on a budget here, ya know.

Anonymous said...

So, you need me! I do all that and I can whip up a mean feast. Yeah, I can cook too.

Eileen said...

Writers are an emotional blackhole of neediness. Tell me you love me, tell me again, how about now? Now? I can't imagine how much fun it must be to deal with us- no wonder you turn to drink.

Laraqua said...

Y'know, I never woulda thought of the Christmas card. What about Easters and birthdays - if they tell you - or is that pushing it?

AzGhostWriter said...

I've had nightmares of Oprah beating down my door wearing a pink teddy and holding a box of chocolates...errr...what could this possibly mean?