What's wrong with this query?

February 24, 2006

Dear Ms Stark,

(paragraphs about specific novel deleted)

Would you PLEASE give me your opinion. I also NEED a crap-o-meter of my query and my full snyopsis. (sic)

Thank you for your valuable time.

My professional regards,

(several thousand words of synopsis deleted)

This has to be some sort of wager from guys who ran out of steam debating whether Wilma or Betty is the better cook. I can see them now, gathered around the bar, dreaming up ways to toy with Miss Snark's sunny nature.

If by some horrid chance, this was a legitimate query, stand back, the sunny nature is about to have a solar flare up.

First, you spelled my name wrong AND got my title wrong. You also didn't even bother to spell check or even spell czech the email before you hit send.

Second, this blog isn't a drive through crapometer where you get to send stuff and I'll just merrily work away on it. Even a cursory exam of the blog, let alone a trip through the FAQ would reveal that.

Clean up your act. This kind of sloppy writing and thinking is the bane of my existence.

MY professional regards, right back atcha.

PS Clearly the best cook is Betty-Barney doesn't even own a car to go for take out.


Anonymous said...

Barney owns a car. He's got that two-seater job that's made out of a log, chiseled to a point at the front, as I remember, for better aerodynamics.

WannabeMe said...

Who's Miss Stark?

Christopher said...

Barney's living on the technological edge!

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

its so sade that use have to spell rite to get attnton. we creatif spellurs nefer get the respect we diservice. Y is dat? You agin' us or summat?

I'll call you Snarkie if I want!
It's my right as princess born.

Yes, I know I'm quite a thorn,
But I'm also very cute.

You can rave all you wish
And throw a rock or two,
But you cannot shoot!

If I could write like Shakespeare,
No one would publish me.

I'd rather write and post on here,
Just to torment poor Snarkie.

--With more thanks thank I can express,

R de V

Anonymous said...

How about throwing the synopsis up here for the ever hungry Snarky critique-piranha to chew on? I'll bet we could skeletonize that particular cow in seconds; and it might even save some other innocent passers-by from the jaws of death...

Anonymous said...

Who's Miss Stark?

Remember those wormhole parallel universe episodes of Farscape? Nuff Said.

Good seplilng cuotns bueacse it sohws we are prfoesisaonls who use our crfat tolos porprely.

In reality, a query letter shouldn't have any mistakes at all. It's short enough that we should be able to catch the mistakes.

For those who find spelling a bane, I found a neat trick to catch spelling mistakes; I run the piece through a different word processing program, ie Word vs WordPerfect.

As for a crapometer...


Thank you, Electra. A fun read.

Verification: Pee-pee kef weight.