3.31.2006

And the first Clue Gun recipient of the night is...

Ms. Snark

How are you? I'm a long time reader of your blog. I'm an aspiring author and have found your blog to be immensly useful. Because of this, I'm going to offer you my latest book, a 4200 line novel called "Red Star". It got great reviews from everyone who has seen it! Please read it and get back to me as soon as possible, if that's okay with you.

Star Kr'welin is a spunky teenage boy on the planet Argenn, under the rule of the evil galactic kingdom of Golzak, whose royal line has been in existence over a thousand years, and who is about to change kings. Star was waking up one day, and he found that his father had left. He was abandoned, and a dry kvel was about to blow through the arid desert region. He got in his yellow speeder and raced off, but the blazing kvel approached quickly.

Far off, on the planet of Mal'Rel 1, prime minister Sloo'f is about to attempt to assassenate old king Lirpa. He will use poison in the king's food. But what does Star have to do with this ongoing Saga? Find out - read my novel!


Signed,

(redacted), Author

PS: just email me and let me know if you want me to send pages!

35 comments:

McKoala said...

For real?

Simon Haynes said...

4200 line book? This has to be a wind-up.

S. W. Vaughn said...

You cannot be serious.

This is a joke.

Please, please tell me it's a joke...

Miss Snark said...

one prays this is some clever beast's idea of a good joke.

M. G. Tarquini said...

I'm a long time reader of your blog

Obviously, not long enough.

Rei said...

Why even redact the name? :)

Dhewco said...

I've got it! Someone's a day early with the April Fool's...right?

NL Gassert said...

I’ve got 330,941 characters suspensefully arranged. Would you like to see them?

Anonymous said...

This must be a joke. Nitwits happen, but this is too funny to be a real nitwit. Nitwits can be one-time nitwits, or two-time nitwits, or pack five cases of nitwittery into a letter, but in my experience, they don't manage to pack a punchline in every other sentence.

spaulson said...

And I've just got the joke.

Read the names in the last paragraph backwards.

Kudos to the author!

Mark said...

No I'm afraid I've done enough research to know it's real.

Pepper Smith said...

One hopes this is a joke. If not, you may want to put that part about not querying you in very large red letters at the top of your blog. Though one thing I learned about signs a long time ago is that most people don't read them.

christine fletcher said...

Lirpa Sloo'f!

Clever, clever beastie, indeed.

Anonymous said...

Hey! I don't see what so nitwity about this.

I have a seven hundred and thirty eight thousand syllable epitome of Goat History from the rescue of Tanath by my most distant ancestor to my love affair (unrequited) with the cute French Alpine in the next pen.

I'm sending it to Miss Snark as an attachment along with a free coupon to Dairy Queen for goat milk based ice cream.

Anonymous said...

spaulson is right. Read the names in the last paragraph backwards.

Anonymous said...

Yep, nice prank.
All the wrong things, and misspellings.

But who would've thought to:
"Read the names in the last paragraph backwards."

Was this your prank, spaulson?

Anonymous said...

spaulson, you are either very, very clever - or you wrote the durned thing!
C.

Anonymous said...

Sloo'f Lirpa to you, too.
And if the author is Australian, it's not a day early.

Amra Pajalic said...

I am so, so relieved it's a April Fools joke. I was getting some relief by convincing myself this was a young person pitching who didn't know anything. Wheew, I'm wiping the sweat off my brow as we speak. What a cheeky, cheeky bugger!!!

Ellen said...

Hahaha! Happy April Fool's Day to you, too, Miss Snark!

Ig said...

Isn't this the same author who wrote about Princess Payrel'lik from the Tek'cub Nig galaxy whose people have been at war with the Wintin race for thousands of years? The one that ended abruptly when she created their ultimate weapon of destruction, the terrifyingly effective Nugeulc.

Did that ever get published? 'Cause it was awesome.

Ig said...

Oops. I met the Tiwtin race. This is what happens when you don't read over your work before you send it out. Lordy. Why am I up so early?

Anonymous said...

Well, you are sending for the pages, aren't you?

Georgia Girl

lorra laven said...

This has Best Seller written all over it. Please send each and every one of those 4200 intriquing lines as an email attachment. I will turn off my Norton and wait with bated breath.

And Happy April Fool's Day to you and yours.

christine fletcher said...

I believe you mean the Tiwtin race, ig, rather than Wintin. And isn't Payrel'lik a prince? (Unless, of course, this is set in the alternate universe of Ainiatibbar, in which the Mat Knip may only be worn by the ruling high female of the immortal line of Eldoo'p.)

Anonymous said...

It's a joke. But I've got a question for Miss Snark. I've finished a MS and I've been sending out email queries to agents who accept them. I've sent out about twenty so far. Half didn't respond at all. Seven wrote some version of "no thanks" three have requested the full manuscript based on the query + ten pages. But the kicker is that all three are big shot agents, all three got back to me in less than twenty minutes (twenty minutes!) and all three seemed genuinely excited. Why would these big shots be so excited when other agents didn't even bother to respond?

One Girl's Opinion said...

Maybe that's why they're big shots, Anon. They see potential where others don't. Hoist the gin bucket and send out the partials. Don't fret over the passes. Good luck!

Caitlin said...

I didn't notice the thing about reading the names backwards but this did scream April Fools joke to me.

Anonymous said...

Anon with the e-queries - I sent out 29 e-queries in January. 13 never responded, but I had read beforehand that that is the norm - if they're not interested you get no response.

I was pleasantly surprised therefore when I got 12 very polite rejections in my inbox. And 4 agents wanted to see partials or full. All the responses came within a day or two, some within minutes or hours.

I sent only the query letter [this was just before I discovered Miss Snark]. And the agent who asked for the full called me this week and offered representation. This is a top NY agency, and she is excited about my book. I had thought my chances were close to nil, odds etc considered.

Responses to paper queries I sent in October and November are still trickling in, and with the exception of one agent who asked me to make changes [she read 50 pages] and resubmit, they were all rejections.

I'm now a great fan of the e-query. It's fast, you know right away whether someone is interested and you don't have to bite your nails bloody waiting months for a form rejection to come in the mail.

Also, e-queries save trees! And that's important to me.

Anonymous said...

*snerk*

This is worthy of anything I've heard on NPR, my favorite being an in-depth report on the new republic of Trashcanistan.

anon-y-mouse

Rei said...

So, Miss Snark, was the author, perhaps, a F. A. Stone? :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh!

heidi said...

And if the author is Australian, it's not a day early.

I solemnly swear I am up to no goo--

Er, I mean, it wasn't me.

spaulson said...

It wasn't me. I'm not that, er, clever.

Rei said...

I guess Miss Snark isn't here any more. Probably downing a swig from her gin bucket before judging the oodles of contest entries. Well, if she stops by, I should let her know that "F. A. Stone" says hi. :)