Come back to the five and dime Crap O Crapometer

Dear Miss Snark,

My husband dared me to put "query" in the subject line and refer to you as Ms. Snark, but I resisted.
(excellent choice!)

I am indescribably fond of your blog, and want to thank you for providing such a uniquely helpful service. I learned more from it in a few sittings than I did in a semester at the feet (or at the end of one of those ubiquitous oblong workshop tables, at any rate) of the critically acclaimed author who taught my undergraduate fiction writing class. "Bloodless, self-absorbed crap" was the phrase for it indeed, although "hopeless mediocrity" is a better match for the teacher.

I know it's only been two months or so since the last one (regrettably, before I stumbled upon the blog), but are you planning to run the Crap-O-Meter again any time soon? I'd like to submit to it, of course, but watching and learning are nearly as good.

Your obedient servant,

Oh! I like that obedient servant thing!!! Does this involve warm towels, Mallomars and private screenings of Mr. Clooney's movies?? Sign me up!

I'm very sorry to report the Crapometer was deported to Paris, France. Something about undesirable alien, or maybe it was just undesirable influence, or maybe it was alienation of affection. Those legal papers had such a small font it was hard to tell. Dick Wolf has optioned the rights so I'm sure the true story will be revealed soon enough.

The State Department is working night and day to resolve the matter, given the clamor of Snarklings, but someone may have to step up and pay for a peace bond before Law Enforcement is assuaged.

I'm pretty sure this won't be resolved till Summer. Meanwhile, keep writing.


Christa M. Miller said...

Oh, but come to the COM's website!! Those folks may not be Miss Snark, but they are Snarklings. They helped me sooo much with my query letter, which got me a request for a partial in my first round of queries. :)

Anonymous said...

The Crapometer stands shivering beside the Seine, his shoulders hunched, his hands thrust deep into his coat pockets. He hears nothing but the rush of water at his feet.
"Ah, Mademoiselle Snark," he murmurs, "you should not have betrayed me with Monsieur Clooney. I hate Paris, Piaf and poodles. And I can't handle any more rejections."
He pulls a small pink tam from his pocket and flings it toward the dark river. "And it was too damn windy in Winslow, too!"

(with apologies to KY)

Anonymous said...

Dear Miss Snark,
Any chance we could get a hint of what the crapometer's summer treat will be? Query letter, manuscript pages or some other delectable goodie? Thanks for your amazing and wonderful blog. I have learned so much from you.

termagant2 said...

K, folks, now you've done it. Aroused T2's insatiable curiosity. What, or who, is a Crapometer and how can this humble multi-pubbed & multi-rejected author get one of her very own?


Bernita said...

Read the archives, T2

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark's FAQ blog explains it too

S.R.C. said...

Thank you, Miss Snark. I'm just glad to hear that, like Frosty the Snowman, it will be back again someday.

Termagant2 said...

Thank you Senior Snarkophiles, for showing me the light. I am now one of the Crapometer Elite.

Your obedient, humbled (huh?)

McKoala said...

Paris! Le lucky Crapometer.