3.20.2006

Nitwits in the Slushpile today-Elaborated

1. "This novel is the first to explore the highly charged theme of gay marriage now that it is safe to do so since the movie Brokeback Mountain".

Brokeback Mountain was a novella. Published even. That's why McMurtry's Oscar that says "Screenplay adapted from another medium" isn't talking about a clairvoyant. Secondly, you'd have to be under not just one rock but several to think publishers haven't been dealing with gay topics. You didn't know Heather Has Two Mommies? How about the entire publishing company called Alyson Books?

2. "Every male in Chicago will respond to this book". Even the ones that are under age six and can't read? You think 16 year old boys respond to book that babies do? oh honey...you don't have teens do you?

3. "There is a vast conspiracy between the Catholic church and the US Government". The US Government can't conspire among its own branches let alone adding the Pope and his good fellas to the bunch. Gimme a break.

What joins all three of these nitwittery statements is that they are grandiose assumptions that have no place in a query letter UNLESS they are followed by: and here's three facts to support it. Just telling me something doesn't mean I'm going to believe it. no no, I learned my lesson the hard way when that book that was sure to "be a New York Times bestseller" was missing not just an ending but a plot.


Lesson for the day: Don't worry about querying me for something off my list. As you can see, that's not even in the nitwit ballpark compared to these things.


And if anyone isn't sure why 1-3 are nitwittish, let me know. I'll be glad to stand on my soapbox and yap. and yap. and yappppp.

22 comments:

December Quinn said...

Now, the partial of a gay marriage-themed novel, written by an author who is apparently completely unaware of the body of gay literature in history, has GOT to be worth a read.

I hope you requested it. It's important to get people thinking about a subject so generally untouched, like gay marriage.

December Quinn said...

Oh, yeah, and Brokeback Mountain was a book first. (Or was it a short story? Can't recall offhand.)

Miss Snark said...

it was a short story. And oddly enough, I didn't request pages. My loss,I'm sure.

Sariah S. Wilson said...

I want to hear the nitwittery explained only because no one serves up the snark better!

M. G. Tarquini said...

EVERY male in Chicago?

No...don't comment. Leave me my illusions.

Sigh.

*rips up current obvious best-selling manuscript regarding current obvious yet unknown vast conspiracy between the Ikebana Society of Rabbitania and the Rodent Anti-defenestration League.*

K Jones said...

Now, if you could say those things all about the same book, it might be worth a read. I am picturing a long line of gay Cubs fans with their faces painted lining up on Michigan Avenue to be married by Catholic priests. Hmmm...

Anonymous said...

LOL! Gee, why didn't I think of writing a book after a movie covered the subject first -- and calling attention to that fact?

Anonymous said...

It's really a shame how good this makes me feel about my own query...

December Quinn said...

Some mistakes we never stop paying for, I'm afraid. :-)

Anonymous said...

That is precious. Yep...there wasn't a TV show on this weekend about all the lesbian books that were published back in the 60s and earlier...nope...not at all. It was very fascinating too.

Anonymous said...

Yes, just think of the gems you're not getting for the crapometer. :o__O

Anonymous said...

I'm tempted to claim ignorance on why they are nitwitish just to hear the rant.

Anonymous said...

I feel like snarking about these nit-wittish points, but I wouldn't want to take away what Miss Snark's best at.

Miss Snark, if you feel like explaining why these are nit-wittish, please do so. If you don't, please allow me...

Anonymous said...

If terrible queries are what you're looking for, check out this website. It's quite the ego-booster.

http://queryletters.blogspot.com/

Charlie (Colorado) said...

And if anyone isn't sure why 1-3 are nitwittish, let me know. I'll be glad to stand on my soapbox and yap.

Me, me. I don't know.

(Oh boy. This should be good. Everyone ask her, it'd be a shame to lose this rant for posterity.)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the terrible queries blogspot! How satisfying can you get?

Anonymous said...

And yet, most of the movies Hollywood produces aren't that much different from the rejects. How sad is that?

Then again, it makes me think of The Producers. :-)

anon-y-mouse

Mad Scientist Matt said...

The third one could have worked it were the premise for a bit of Davinci Code - style fiction. I presume the author was serious?

Jordan said...

Please explain! **trembling in anticipation**

PaulaO said...

In addition to Alyson Books, there's:
Regal Crest Enterprise
Bella Books
Bella After Dark
Firebrand Books
Artemis Press....

the list goes on.

claire said...

I know we're being snarky, but anyone who doesn't know "brokeback" was a story first hasn't read it, and it's really wonderful. here 'tis: http://mister-don.livejournal.com/89313.html#cutid1

That Girl Who Writes Stuff said...

"If terrible queries are what you're looking for, check out this website. It's quite the ego-booster.

http://queryletters.blogspot.com/"

Or watch this video of Ali G pitching agents. It's hilarious. I wonder how Miss Snark would deal with him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
=2GuzBkmVp2k&search=book

(If the link doesn't work. Go to my blog.)