Of course, postage..what ELSE is there to ever discuss?

Dear Miss Snark,

I’m nitwit of the day and it’s not my fault. (well, it's not mine, and it's not KY's...that leaves only...Bill E. Goat!)

I just got back from the post office, sending out another batch of queries to my potentially favorite agents.

Following your advice, I’ve enclosed five pages and put together a neat little package in a 9 x 12 envelope with an SAE.

To save myself time, I had the post office weigh the package so that I could buy the right combination of stamps.

They advised it 63 cents and sold me a book of 39’s plus a book of 24’s == 63. I sent out four of these packages to my top agent choices just the other day.

Today, at a different post office, they weighed one of these letters. It was 24 cents off. Now, I live with the fact that these queries, to my top choice agents, will come with a “postage due” stamp. What can I do? Is there anything I can do? And if you were to receive such a thing, would you toss it in the trash?

It is obvious that I put the stamps on myself—that I was trying to do everything right. Does that count for anything?

I’ll be dipping into that bucket of gin shortly.

Ok, Miss Snark confesses she has not left the confines of the 212 for some time but surely "electronic scales" have arrived in at least the lower 48 states. Haven't they? These are handly little free standing machines, somewhat like ATMs. It weighs the package and dispenses the postage. You affix postage. You mail packet. They beat the hell out of standing in line I gotta tell you.

Now, if a packet arrives here and there's postage due, someone else deals with it, cause Miss Snark isn't allowed to interface with members of the US Postal Service after that disturbing incident wherein she mailed herself to Mr. Clooney...was a riot squad and homeland security REALLY necessary?

When mail does arrive with postage due, they pay it and throw it in the incoming basket. Mistakes happen. Just don't do it again or we'll stamp you "return as tinder".


Bill E. Goat said...

Hey! It isn't my fault either!

I may occasionally try to eat the mail, but I don't work for the USPS. You've got me confused with someone else.

So which of you two legged ones works for the USPS and gives bad advice? Probably the same one that told my mistress she couldn't send her manuscript media mail.

Good thing she's tough and made them look it up!

Did you know that dried leaves are good for the digestion? Do you feed KY dried leaves? I'll share.

Oh, and about my book? Is it all right if I send it out with hoof prints on it. It’s hard to keep your hooves clean when there is so much mud in the world. Besides, I spilled a little coffee on it. Holding a coffee cup is hard when you don’t have fingers.

I'd rather spill gin on my manuscript, but Rachael said she can't abide a drunken goat any more than she can a drunken sailor. And I read what an editor wrote about drinking coffee. I thought I'd emulate Miss Genoese.

Elektra said...

SAE...doesn't that mean she's from England or Rabbitania or somewhere?

is_big_hair_out? said...

I don't know about the 212 or Rabbitania, but out here in the rural hinterlands of the New Mexico (or even the urban hinterlands of New Mexico), I have never seen a freestanding, kiosk-y postal scale machine. Please remember, it takes AT MINIMUM five years for advances in technology, fashion or anything else to migrate inland from the East or West coasts.