Mike rotated several cards sideways, then put another from his hand on the table.
"I play Promenading Poodles. It destroys your Giant Terrapin when it hits the table."

Nick scowled and swept the Giant Terrapin into his discard pile. Mike smirked and passed the turn. Nick drew a card from the top of his deck, furrowed his eyebrows, and passed the turn back to Mike.

"You're getting screwed," Mike taunted. "I'd tell you your mother wears Army Boots, but your playing is insulting enough."

"Lucky for you Ma was in the infantry," Nick muttered, waiting for the move he thought Mike would make. Then it came.

"I play Will of the Wisp so I can search for a card," Mike said.

"Don't think so," Nick replied, revealing a card. "I'll counter with Muddle the Muck."

"Fine," Mike replied disgustedly. "I'll just drop Huge Galleycat."

"That it?" Nick replied. He could feel sweat beading on his forehead, hear the roar of the greasepaint, smell the smell of the crowd, and could still through it all only vaguely wonder if his clammy hands was causing the ink on his cards to run. He knew the stakes for the game. The winner would receive an exclusive Bat Segundo podcast. The loser-- Nick didn't want to lose.

"Yeah," Mike replied. "I'm done."

"Well then," Nick grinned, drawing a card, "I play Paul Bunion."

"Shouldn't that be spelled 'Bunyan?'"

"I thought it was funnier this way. Shouldn't you have spelled it out instead of saying the word though?"

"What's it matter? This is written dialogue being read off a computer screen!"

"Mike, quit breaking the fourth wall!" Nick shouted. "You're not supposed to know we exist for the sole purpose of a writing contest."

"Yeah, well you know also," Mike said.

"Yeah, whatever," Nick replied. "Just go already."

"I believe I will. Now why don't you drop everything and give me ten... books!" Mike proclaimed, laying ten book tokens out on the table.

"Quit showboating," Nick said.

"It only gets worse," Mike said, rotating most of his cards sideways. "I'm coming at you with everything."

"Bring it," Nick seethed, flipping several cards in his hands, picking one out and getting ready.

"I'm still coming at you with everything," Mike said, grinning.

"I'll stop your Galleycat with Paul Bunion."

"That should still be 'Bunyan'."

"We already talked about that. And you should be spelling it out instead of just saying it. And watch where you put your punctuation."

"It's not my fault!" Mike protested. "The guy writing this isn't sure where it should go with the single and double quotes!"

"Whatever. I get to draw a card, though," Nick said, pulling one off his deck and grinning. "I play 'Snark of the Damned' for the win."

"That doesn't do what I think it does, does it?" Mike asked, suddenly worried.

"Oh it does ... you lose!" Nick announced, looking at Mike's smoldering corpse. "I can't believe they make a card that actually kills the opponent.

Miss Snark checks to make sure all her cards are not only off the table, they are shuffled off to Buffalo.

Score to come


Anonymous said...

his clammy hands was?

McKoala said...

LOL! We are but pawns in the game of life...or Miss Snark's game of cards.

Anonymous said...

Interesting approach.

Nightfahl said...

oooooo if my kids were allowed to read this blog they would be SO disappointed that I wasn't the one to come up with this idea. my husband too for that matter.Trading card game freaks, all of us! er..them! all of THEM...

s.w. vaughn said...

I would have SO voted for this one, bald-facedly admitted Yu-Gi-Oh card player that I am.

Great piece, whomever wrote it.

"Snark of the Damned." I'm going to be on the floor for days...