"Miss Snark. You called; you talk,"the beautiful agent answered.
"It's you! I knew it! Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." It was a man's voice. It didn't sound like George. At all.
"How did you get this number?"
"Listen! I'm going to make you rich! I've listened to everything Bat Segundo has ever said, I took a three-day class over at Galleycat, and I've read almost the whole front page of your blog! The best thing is, I have a great idea for a book! It's your lucky day!"
"Oh dog." She threw back a shot of gin and whimpered. If she hung up, he'd just call back. Killer Yap nuzzled her hand sympathetically.
"It came to me while I was sitting out back watching the will of the wisp and filing my bunions,"he continued.
"I know! I was just sitting there scraping, taking in the smell of the swamp when it dawned on me! "Promenading Poodles and Killer Turtles From Space"! Isn‚t that brilliant! And I know you like poodles, so we couldn't possibly be a better match!"
"Possibly... Look, I don't take science fiction, so..."
"I know! I totally read your blog! But this is the perfect break-in title for you. Oh, and while we're on the subject of your blog, what's up with the green header and orange titles? That's so 2005. But I could help you muddle through that. We could trade! I'll set your blog up and give you 5% when you sell my book. You gotta admit, that's a sweet deal. So what do you say? Should I start writing?"
Miss Snark threw back another shot of gin. She had to find a way to close, lock, and seal the door between them forever. She scratched Killer Yap behind his ears and took a deep breath.
"Here's what I want you to do,"she said. "First, drop everything and give me ten... books. Dancing canines and murderous terrapin are the perfect break-in to science fiction, but one book won't do it. We'll need a series."
"You're obviously brilliant,"she continued. "If we're going to sell this series, we'll have to do it right and I can't sell it until it's all written. Science fiction tends to be wordy, so each of the ten books must be at least 200,000 words. Got that?"
"Good, so once you've got that all done, you'll edit them thoroughly, then write a ten page, single-spaced synopsis for each book. Zip it up in a file with a query letter and send it to this address: u.r.a.n.i.t.w.i.t at w.t.f. dot com. You got that?"
"...f dot com... Got it!"
"Good, because I rarely take phone queries. You probably missed that page of the blog."
"So you're not going to call here again. We're going to handle all further business through email."
"Great! I think we're going to have a fantastic relationship. Get busy!"
Miss Snark thumbs through her OED for "doppelganger".
Scoring to come.