I had awoken to find myself eye to eye with Igor, a very green and incredibly naughty diamond back terrapin, named by my wicked seven-year-old son. I'd be happier having a muddle of promenading pink poodles walk across my eight hour support bra, that I insisted on wearing to bed every night to keep my thirty-five year old breasts in their original place, for a bit longer. Yes, I also believe in the Easter bunny, the legend of galleycat and that vinegar burns off bunions.

I quickly placed Igor on the floor so that he could chew on the telephone and computer wires and cause a major snark. It was time to wake up and pretend I was looking forward to my relentless day. I had a big to do list, which included unintentionally embarrassing my lovely son Robert at school drop off. Working as a theatre costume designer, meant I tended to carry a few props and costumes around and was what the other normal mother's unaffectionately labeled eccentric. Last week little Lizzie had looked at me with blue popping eyes and exclaimed to Robert, "Your Mom wears army boots??”

Sure, I wasn't the typical mom, but I loved the roar of the greasepaint, smell of the crowd and the hot young actors didn't hurt much either. Currently, I was working on “Will of the Wisp”, a rather pathetic vampire epic, but it paid the bills and I got to make fake blood and randomly scare people. I stumbled into Robert's room inhabited by dinosaurs and many accident inducing toy cars and yelled in a Shakespearean bard, “Wake up! And drop everything and give me ten...books”.

It was library day in Miss Miriam’s class and we never seemed to return our books on time. We stilled owed fifty cents in late fees.

Robert cocked one eye open and chose to ignore me. I usually needed to yell at him at least three times before he opened his eyes, maybe today would go better than expected.

I meandered down the creaky stairs, ignored the cluttered kitchen and headed to the back yard to greet Bat Segundo my black lab, and give him his morning grub. “Bat!” I called. He didn't come running out of his little blue house.

That was odd. I walked over and poked my head in and saw it was empty, nary a bone. My baby Bat was missing.

oh no!! Missing doggie!! Miss Snark doesn't like this one turn of events!
Scoring to come

1 comment:

JLB said...

Long live the eccentric mothers!