4.02.2006

47!

Bat Segundo, younger brother to Bat Primero, Cabana Boy Supremo and all around nice guy, watches this year's parade of promenading poodles - a hundred lip glossed, cheek blushed, eye mascara'd, Fracas-doused members of the literati who swill their low-cal Whine Spritzers while they yap in a disorganized muddle across the commercial-grade carpet.

"Roar of the greasepaint, smell of the crowd," Segundo mutters, moving a hairsbreadth closer to Lala Scrivano, auteur de l'excellence, fashion diva and certified bitch. He breathes deep of her heady elixir of overgrown ego, vintage vanity and brand new stockings, then
refills her Galleycat with a Twist, a sublime concoction of hundred year old moonshine and printer's ink that smells like mimeographs when they first roll off the machine, tempered by the aroma of used litter from a dyspeptic puss. He gestures. "That new one, the one wielding
the whip, is going to give you trouble, Lala."

Lala peers over Versace lenses. "She's a wisp. I have a bunion bigger and more bothersome than her."

"That wisp has a will, a heart of snark, and terrapin stilettos."

"The will of the wisp can be found at the bottom of a gin pail, her snark comes out of a bottle and what do you know of stilettos?" Lala extends a very long, very thin, and very well-manicured forefinger to point at Segundo. "Your mother wears Army boots."

"Keep my mother out of it." Segundo removes his gayly colored bandana. He wipes it across his brow. "You know the day will come, Lala. Might be best to yield the spotlight before the spotlight yields you."

"Drop the subject." Lala dots her 'i' with an emphatic thump. She adds another tome to the pile. "Drop the attitude. Drop everything and give me ten....books."

All Segundo really wants to do when Lala takes that superior tone is drop his pants, fling her to the floor, and tweak her syntax until she begs him not to stop. Instead he reaches into the box beside him and hands off Lala's latest. He hates writers' conferences.


tweak her syntax!!! Miss Snark adjusts her diction accordingly!
Scoring to come

5 comments:

Nightfahl said...

that last paragraph is great lol

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

Yep, that last paragraph made me spit my organic juice soda.

McKoala said...

Risque and funny.

JLB said...

I'm saving "a heart of snark" for someone really special.

Anonymous said...

:rotfl: