4.03.2006

68!

I have a bunion the size of a terrapin on my foot from all this
walking. The darn thing throbs like nothing I've felt before. At
least I'd finally reached the bookstore everyone has told me to go to.
"Go to the Will of the Wisp bookstore. It's the greatest. You'll
love it. It's right next to that GalleyCat pet food store on 9th."
My friend Alice said.
I entered the store and the small, rusty bell above the door announce
my arrival.
"Hi there. Welcome. Let me know if you have any questions." The
girl with a Louisiana twang said from behind the counter, looking up
briefly the looking back down at her computer.
I looked around the store. There were only a handful of customers
perusing the dusty, dark oak shelves. One man was opening books, then
sniffing them. I headed over to the magazine rack. I'd never heard
of more than half of them. Holistic Fish Healing, Bus Driver Monthly
and even a porno mag for hairy gay men called Bear.
I moved to the fiction section hoping to find something I'd never
read before. I picked up, Your Mother Wears Combat Boots and flipped
through the pages, stopping on page 42. The first sentence I noticed
ended, "to the roar of the greasepaint, smell of the crowd I bellowed
forth." What? That doesn't make any sense. I closed the book and
put it back in its place.
"Are you finding everything alright?" The girl and her twang had
wandered away from the computer.
"I- I was just looking for something interesting to read."
"Oh, well, that book is great. It's a comedy about lesbian soldiers
in Vietnam."
"I was in the Army, I've never heard of such a thing," I said.
"You were in the Army? Say something soldierish."
"Uh, drop and give me ten ... books." I laughed at my ridiculous joke.
She stared blankly for a moment, then went back to her counter
without a word. I hung out in the store for another ten minutes the
headed out without buying anything.
I turned left and headed home. Just as I reached the pet store, two
promenading poodles got in my way, then one of them started barking
viciously at me.
"Oh, Oh, I'm so sorry. Down girl." The woman tugged a little to
hard and sent the poodle crashing back on its rump. "Are you ok my
dear?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. That's quite the dog you have there."
"Yes, that one is Miss Snark, she's the loud one, as you know. That
one is Killer Yapp. She's the smarter of the two and really runs the
show. What's your name?"
"Pat Seclundo." I said.
"Bat Segundo? What an unusual name. Well Mr. Bat, lets go have a
drink, you can muddle me up some gin.
We walked off toward her home and she handed me the leash to Miss
Snark. I would find out later that Miss Snark also had quite a bite
to go with that loud mouth.

Disqualified for word count: 506. Let me know if you count different.

5 comments:

Termagant 2 said...

Aw! Even the cops will give you 5% over the speed limit!

T2

JLB said...

Bummer about the word count. I might have to take a peek at Bear though, just out of morbid curiosity.

Sal said...

I might have to take a peek at Bear though, just out of morbid curiosity.

Inside BEAR MAGAZINE

Sal said...

Aw! Even the cops will give you 5% over the speed limit!

My first word count was something like 762. Painful to pull it down below 500, it was.

JLB said...

Thanks Sal - I thought that was a total creation on behalf of the author! I appreciate the link. ;)