5.01.2006

Top Ten Reasons You Can Not Query Miss Snark

Miss Snark leases all her clients from Alloy Entertainment.

Miss Snark purchases her clients from estate auctions at Sothebys.

Miss Snark only signs self published writers hawking their novels on subway lines above 59th street...east or west side.

Miss Snark only accepts clients who have queried her with illuminated manuscripts delivered by footmen.

Miss Snark only accepts referrals from the Nobel Committee.

Miss Snark opens only that mail with a return address of Lake Cuomo, Italia.

Miss Snark is so famously distant anyone who actually wants her as an agent is automatically rejected.

Miss Snark has decided to forgo the query process entirely and move directly to selling things she doesn't actually represent--- thus cutting down on the amount of client interaction required.

Miss Snark accepts only those queries for work that excludes the letter e...as must the query itself.

Miss Snark accepts only those queries traded on the Chicago stock exchange--commodities market, sorry -- with pork bellies, chocolate futures, and other such low-risk items.

9 comments:

McKoala said...

Miss Snark doesn't take queries, because she's um, not real...

Sarah Addison Allen said...

**Miss Snark accepts only those queries for work that excludes the letter e...as must the query itself.**

Queries without vowels? This must mean Miss Snark accepts text message queries!

I'm getting out my Sidekick right now.

"Dr Mss Snrk: Plz rd my bk. It's gr8! L8R!"

Anonymous said...

** Miss Snark accepts only those queries for work that excludes the letter e...as must the query itself. **

That's a qury, of course. Or quris, in the plural.

Jan Conwell said...

Drats. I did quiry by illuminated manuscript. But it was raining and the liveried footman was more concerned about his damned wig, the quache paints ran, and...oh what a mess.

Catja (green_knight) said...

Miss Snark accepts only those queries for work that excludes the letter e...as must the query itself

Miss Snark,
do you want to hawk my book 'Diary of an Awkward Magician', VAL's story who must find his own soul? He wants to move mountains, but in doing so, would start further wars.
With his companions ITISH and TASLIN Val fights strong and nasty B'NVAR and a group called 'MAGICIANS OF DHIA,' who blackmail OTARITH, Val's archmagician, which Val cannot stop, but Val finds strong opposition to YAKO, who follows Otarith in his position.

Ooops. That was not too horrid.

Brady Westwater said...

If the address says Italia, then it would be Lago di Como if it really comes from there.....

Anonymous said...

"Oovil sntch," h growld in his mind.

WindyCityWriter said...

"Miss Snark accepts only those queries traded on the Chicago stock exchange with pork bellies, chocolate futures, and other such low-risk items."

Pork bellies, chocolate, etc. don't trade on the stock exchange. They're commodities, not shares.

Sorry, Chicago pride kicking in.

Carter said...

Miss Snark is so famously distant anyone who actually wants her as an agent is automatically rejected.

As Groucho once said: "I wouldn't belong to a club that would have me as a member." Do 2 "wrong for each other"s make a right? Or should we just continue to turn left untill we fall over?