well, ok, that's a trifle overheated but there are days Miss Snark's tolerance for idiocy drops just enough that Mayor Bloomberg personally hands her a ciggie and says "here, relax"
1. You send your query letter and pages on a CD. Do I really need to explain why this is not not not a good idea?
2. You are a lawyer and you send your query on office stationery so Miss Snark thinks Dewey Cheatham and Howe is sending her something she needs to read. This annoys me so much I barely read the letter cause it is an irrefutable sign of pretension. Doctors too. English professors too. Unless you want to apply to be Miss Snark's personal physician don't send her letters from the clinic/hospital/morgue.
3. You get the name and address wrong, and you don't include an SASE. I'll spot you one stupidity, two is break even but three in one query indicates nitwittery in the extreme. I do NOT want to work with people who are careless about their stuff. Not here, not at the bomb disposal squad (aka the dog run porta potty) and not at the eyebrow styling emporium. Get your damn act together or don't be surprised at the results.
4. You send me a letter one week after I got the first one to ask if I have had a chance to read it yet. Short answer: yes, just now. Zap.
5. You don't include your email address. Yes I don't take email queries but if you have something I want, I email you. Or if you forgot pages and I like the query, I email you. Or if you are Mr. Clooney's valet with a tell all narrative, I will email myself to you.
Don't be stupid is really good advice.
I heard it from Miss Genoese first.