6.05.2006

Get Your Hands OFF Mr Clooney if you know what's good for you.

Dear Miss Snark,
I have read all the current posts, I loved your comments, but feel somewhatmislead. The photo on your blog states; How to win an Agent and MarryGeorge Clooney. Truth be told, I originally visited this site after I viewed your comments on AW and other sites, I was looking for guidance and information of which there was plenty, but I stopped short when I came upon
the abovementioned title; winning an agent can wait, but marrying George
Clooney? I'm not getting any younger! What gives? When will you be addressing this?

I anxiously await your instructions, I think my poodle cross will get along

swimmingly with George's pet pig!


back off you claim jumping poodle cross bearing AW refugee. I know your sort.
If you think I'm going to reveal my secret plans, you are crazy.

I made them seal the court records for that nasty little stalking complaint too.
You'd think Mr. Clooney would be used to girls in stiletto heels lowering themselves onto the picture windows facing Central Park via bungee cords. Dog knows I wasn't the only one on the roof that day.

Did you know too that travel expenses for stalking aren't tax deductible? I was just plain shocked when the auditor mentioned that.

28 comments:

overdog said...

Okay. This is OUT LOUD laughing. Now I'm an addict. Good thing Miss Snark doesn't blog all day or I'd never have time to write.

whitemouse said...

I'm dyin' here. Why didn't that one come with a beverage alert?

Word verification: efoxo (George being the fox, of course)

Greta LaGarbeaux said...

Miss Snark, I don't really think you need to work the stalker angle so much for now. The man ain't givin' it up for a while.

More effectively, my guess is you should mark this date in your calendar: 6 May, 2011. That's the date that Himself turns 50, and I'm betting that's about the time he will do a Warren Beatty.

To whit: "Yikes, boys, this whole God of All Bachelors thing ain't so adorable any more. Time to find the Moral Equivalent of Annette Bening and grow the hell up."

This is when Miss Snark, stilletos and ur-chic poodle at the ready, should strike -- hard, fast and true.

He can be had, ma'am, just be there when.

We're all counting on you -- woman, man and all-of-the above.

Cheryll said...

Fortunately, the header warned me to put aside my morning beverage and swallow fully before continuing my reading....

Termagant 2 said...

Re: the Clooney Code. We need some spin doctoring here.

Miss S, I'm certain you were not STALKING Mr. C -- you were merely allowing fate a bit of a nudge. Granted, the bungee cords do stretch the imagination (pun intended), but...to let George come to NYC and not bump into him? Unthinkable! To deny Mr. C the opportunity of meeting, ogling, fawning over you --You just could not do this to him!

Spin, m'dear. Spin.

T2

Cynthia Bronco said...

Of course I assumed the book would not be published until after the wedding of Mr. Clooney and Mrs. Snark-Clooney.

Anonymous said...

Did you know too that travel expenses for stalking aren't tax deductible?

They aren't?!?!?!?!?@@@@

Nick said...

Wow, the Snark has claws. Her wit still seems to be sharper, though.

Incidentally, if you walk up to George Clooney on the street and tell him you paid to see Batman & Robin, he'll give you your money back.

Anonymous said...

Did you know too that travel expenses for stalking aren't tax deductible?

That may be true, but expenses related to hobbies are, and that should cover a wide range of items from new stilettos to weekends in Italy. Kick you accountant in the butt for overlooking that one.

wvkiuytg said...

Oh, but if you then write the Guide to Stalking, THEN they are deductable.
It's all research.

Dave Kuzminski said...

Hmmm, what I see here is a failure to use proper tactics. What you should be doing is covertly causing Mr. Clooney to stalk you. Perhaps if you sent him a book on How to Stalk the Snark, he might get the hint. Just don't send him anything titled Jumping the Snark. ;)

Yasmine Galenorn said...

ROFL...I needed that laugh! Thanks, Miss Snark. Have you convinced KY to track Mr. C. yet?

just Joan said...

LOL! Oh thank you for this. I needed a laugh today (not that I'm implying that Miss Snark isn't serious about Mr. Clooney . . . consider yourself warned). :-)

lsgbii said...

Ah, but hobby expenses are only deductible as offsets to hobby income. So if you get Mr. Clooney to pay you off to leave him alone, then it's all deductible.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Well, girls, I'm glad you all found a love interest in this Clooney fella. But, my goodness and grandma's preserves, have you listened to him talk? Dear maidens, semi-maidens, and formerly maidens, I prefer someone with no hollows in the brain case.

I don't mean to insult your taste in humans of the male species, but my goodness and potato flour donuts! A vacuum in the head diminishes attractiveness.

Besides, does he like goats?

diane s said...

Ok, I'm sorry but didn't the pig die? We have to move on, the George is what's important, people! ;)

angie said...

Thanks a lot, Miss Snark. I'll be sending you the bill for a new keyboard. And dammit, it was a really GOOD double mocha.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark, now that AW is up and running again, I have to thank you for helping to spread word not only of our troubles, but more importantly the 20 Worst Agents List.

Thank you!

Jen said...

Oh-so-lovely Miss S!

We are no longer AW refugees. The Absolute Write Water Cooler is back up and running!

The data is intact and things are as they should be. Everyone can come back home. :)

Quick said...

Rare that I crack a grin before midday. That's possibly the first time I have sniggered out loud at 10am.

Ballpoint Wren said...

Thanks, Jen, as I was wondering what "AW refugees" meant! And it's not like I didn't know about the whole AW thing, either. I even used the acronym once or twice myself... eh, I'm getting old!

Mark said...

I watched Ocean's Eleven last night but I must have missed the pool table scene, if they used it. I was in the Rat Pack with Ray Liotta and played the Henry Silva character actor in that scene from the Sinatra film. It was a film in a film type of deal.

uiwmy said...

Ah, but Miss Snark, your dear new fan has a point. Truth in advertising. If you give us a title that includes "how to marry George Clooney" we can reasonably expect SOME CLUE!

I think you should get out the clue gun for this. Even if all the darts can only be executed by the inestimable Miss Snark. At least we'll know what to be watching for!

Now, back to writing, revising.

using my word verification code for my name--uiwmy--that would be George Cloony-uiwmy sweetie pie!

Anonymous said...

Darlings, there's really no reason to fight. From what I've heard of the much-desired Mr. Clooney, all you need to do is form an orderly line to the left.

mytwocents said...

I'll back off temporarily....I have realized that my poodle cross' voracious appetite for bacon might cause 'issues' between myself and George - however, once this pig bites the dust...anybody know the life expectancy of a pot-bellied pig?

diane s said...

Read my comment, mytwocents! I tell you, the pig is dead! (ding, dong!) x

mytwocents said...

Uh oh...well, it wasn't me, I swear - I never met the pig. However, most dogs do favor bacon...perhaps somebody else wanted the pig out of the way? I'm not naming names but...a dog lover would qualify as a potential suspect.

Anonymous said...

Where is Miss Snark?