Miss Snark Q&A

Dear Miss Snark:

When you take time off, well-deserved as it is, I seem to go into SNS (Snark withdrawal syndrome) and I begin to wonder who, what, where, when and why. I respect the fact that you must remain anonymous, but that doesn't stop us from wondering more about you. I thought it might be nice for you to complete Bernard Pivot's famous 10 questions in order that we might know you better. Knowing how busy you are, I have attempted to answer for you. Please substitute any answers you deem inappropriate.

1. What is your favorite word? Yanno (tm,pp)
correct answer: sold

2. What is your least favorite word? Dog-catcher
correct answer: whatever

3. What turns you on? Single-page queries.
correct answer: extraordinary talent

4. What turns you off? Nitwits.

5. What is your favorite curse word? WTF

6. What sound or noise do you love? Gin sloshing over ice.
well poured gin does not slosh.
correct: ice clinking in glass before pouring

7. What sound or noise do you hate? Busy signal on George Clooney's private line.
Mr. Clooney has call waiting
correct answer: "Hi this is Mr Clooney, please leave a message at the sound of Lucy Liu squealing like a pig".

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Fortune teller.
correct: queen of the known universe

9. What profession would you not like to do? Anything outside of 212.
correct answer: Complaint department phone person for the NYC subway

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? It's a good thing you finally found my manuscript in your damn slush pile.

correct: "we meant Miss Shark, not Miss Snark, go back till we're ready for you"


delilah said...

Dear MS - The only possible reason that I can think of for why you're an agent and not a writer is because you don't want to end up like us poor, suffering snarklings looking for an agent. Your humorous posts are second to none.

Anonymous said...

THe last answer beats all the rest. I think I'll use it (properly modified), should I ever arrive at the Pearly Gates (and of course, being a loyal reader of MS, there is no other otherworldly destination possible ... )

December Quinn said...

I love the sound of the ice cracking when the gin is poured over it. :-)

Kafaleni said...


Cheryl Mills said...

Were we all watching the Dustin Hoffman show last night? And thinking, "Oh my, this isn't for fans or actors...this is for writers."

Well, that's what I was thinking.

Thanks for posting.

Tori Scott said...

LOL. I like Miss Snark's answer's best. Still chuckling over "Go back and wait until we call you."

Anonymous said...

Hi I have a dumb Kiwi question... What's 212?

Chumplet said...

It took me a while, but I finally noticed that the short form of Miss Snark is the same as Manuscript.
I guess my brain was so full it didn't sink in until something unnecessary fell out.

lizzie26 said...

Wow, someone almost as funny as Miss Snark!

Anonymous said...

212 is the New York City area code.

Dave Kuzminski said...

Hey anonymous, it's the precinct in which Miss Snark has to pay protection money to the mob (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

Actually, I believe it's the telephone area code she's in.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Hi I have a dumb Kiwi question... What's 212?

New York City's phone code

Brenda Bradshaw said...

As the mother of four kids (two of them teen daughters), I have to agree that my least favorite word is "Whatever". If my kids say that to me, I reply with, "Obviously you lack argumentative or factual reply, and thus, are basically stating 'Yes, Mother, you're absolutely right'." They HATE when I do that. I simply grin.

Ray Goldensundrop said...

Conversation with a Snark:

1 - Fav word? What?
2 - Least fav word? A
3 - Turnon? Kiss
4 - Turnoff? Toothache
5 - Fav curse? Bloody
6 - Fav sound? Silence
7 - Hated sound? Babble
8 - Alter pro? None
9 - Yuck pro? Others
10 - God's greeting? What?

Carter said...


In re: Question 8 -- the question asks "other than your own". Since you are already the Queen of the Known Universe(though the nitwits do not as yet recognize this [them being nitwits and all, yanno {tm, pp}]), I humbly beg for a more enlightening response.

Anonymous said...

brenda, I told my wife when her only reply is "whatever" that means she lost another argument with me. I wish I wouldn't have been sitting within arms reach when I said it. Ouch! -JTC

Daphne Major said...

I've harbored a secret fantasy about answering the Pivot questionnaire for years. Some of my personal answers have changed over time - but two remain consistent:

Lease favorite word: mammogram
(don't like the way it looks, don't like the way it feels...)

What I'd like to heard God say as I enter the pearly gates:
"Welcome...your white robe is on a hook to the left...and your first spa appointment begins in 20 minutes..."

Anonymous said...

Sorry, toots. Job of "Queen of the Known Universe" has already been taken -- as has "Empress of All That Might Be." I am both.

Anonymous said...

OMG, my brain is going and I can't remember if I posted this before or not, but it seems to fit here--in response to the least favorite word "whatever."

I'm the boss of a very small office. I got a coffee cup (origins irrelevant) that says "That's Miss Bitch to you."

Next day, my secretary came in with a coffee cup that says, "Yeah, whatever."