Dear Miss Snark:
When you take time off, well-deserved as it is, I seem to go into SNS (Snark withdrawal syndrome) and I begin to wonder who, what, where, when and why. I respect the fact that you must remain anonymous, but that doesn't stop us from wondering more about you. I thought it might be nice for you to complete Bernard Pivot's famous 10 questions in order that we might know you better. Knowing how busy you are, I have attempted to answer for you. Please substitute any answers you deem inappropriate.
1. What is your favorite word? Yanno (tm,pp)
correct answer: sold
2. What is your least favorite word? Dog-catcher
correct answer: whatever
3. What turns you on? Single-page queries.
correct answer: extraordinary talent
4. What turns you off? Nitwits.
5. What is your favorite curse word? WTF
6. What sound or noise do you love? Gin sloshing over ice.
well poured gin does not slosh.
correct: ice clinking in glass before pouring
7. What sound or noise do you hate? Busy signal on George Clooney's private line.
Mr. Clooney has call waiting
correct answer: "Hi this is Mr Clooney, please leave a message at the sound of Lucy Liu squealing like a pig".
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Fortune teller.
correct: queen of the known universe
9. What profession would you not like to do? Anything outside of 212.
correct answer: Complaint department phone person for the NYC subway
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? It's a good thing you finally found my manuscript in your damn slush pile.
correct: "we meant Miss Shark, not Miss Snark, go back till we're ready for you"