6.11.2006

No, Miss Snark isn't taking queries, not here, not there, not ever

Hello Miss Snark -

First, let me thank you for both the excellent practical advice you dole out on your blog and the
daily laughter your responses usually bring to me. And give my best to KY.

At the risk of being your nitwit of the day, I saw the tantalizing cryptic note on the sidebar of your blog: "Thinking of querying Miss Snark? Send an SASE to uranitwit@wtf.com for complete instructions." First, is it a joke? The listed e-mail address at wtf.com
bounced the message, so if it is a joke, then good one! (Knee slap here) If not, are you talking blog-question query or the BIG Next-Big-Thing QUERY? And finally, how does one send an SASE to an e-mail address?

While I don't know you, I like your style and take-no-prisoners approach. I'll be pitching my first mainstream novel (yes, it's complete) to anyone who will listen at the PNWA conference in about a month, and I would love to send a query to you as well, if only I knew who you were (but then you'd have to kill me, I know. . . .). I'm a finalist in the PNWA's literary contest this year in the essay/short memoir category, and I took second place in Ohio Writer's Best of Ohio Writers competition several years ago.


So if in fact you are providing instructions on how to query you, REALLY (which I have trouble believing, somehow), just reply to this email with the aforementioned "complete instructions." In any case, thanks for taking the time to read this request.


All the best,



I have to admire your tenacity and willingness to look like an idiot. Not enough to break my ironclad rule of no queries of course, but enough to not think you're a nitwit.

The reason you're not a nitwit is cause you asked. Nitwits are the one who say "hey, that email bounced, I want to query you, send me your address". You at least realized that maybe it was a joke (yes it is) but you weren't quite sure, so you asked pretty nicely.

Plus I have a fondness for Twin Peaks.
And PNWA.
And the NYT Puzzle was easy today so I'm not my usual snarly self.

Bottom line: no querying Miss Snark. the @wtf.com URL is a joke. And yes, you can't "send an SASE" to an email address.

And before anyone starts whining about the lack of snarky reply, don't worry. There's snark enough for all.

20 comments:

Aarin said...

Christ, was he serious? I never even thought it was a joke--more of an obvious 'don't even try.'

Nick said...

Maybe @foad.com would be a more appropriate domain?

Elektra said...

Nick, if starting off with 'uranitwit' isn't deterrent enough, nothing is

Raiyah said...

Haha, this is a classic Miss Snark post!

delilah said...

Whoever wrote this has a wonderfully innocent voice. I would imagine this would be a delightful person to work with. I hope they find an agent quickly; it would be a shame if they were to become jaded by the process.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I'll fill this person in. WTF is short for "what the f*ck."

Loudlush said...

>And before anyone starts whining about the lack of snarky reply, don't worry. There's snark enough for all.

And there I was wondering if a kindler, gentler Miss Snark had emerged, and a dumb(brave?) question free-for-all was in the offering. I was thrilled at the though that at last I had something to contribute.

Anonymous said...

Nick, if starting off with 'uranitwit' isn't deterrent enough, nothing is

Perhaps if Miss Snark took some spelling rules to heart and spelled 'youareanitwit' correctly, it would be a better deterrent.

Simon Haynes said...

And just in case the first part of the email address went zipping overhead, here it is spaced out (a bit like the original):

U R A Nitwit

Bibliophile Bitch said...

This one is a brave soul and was spared the stilettos.
I feel as if I just saw a Christian slave spared the lions.
Grrrrrrrowl.

Bill, the Wildcat said...

Handled with class, M.S.

Termagant 2 said...

What?! Miss S goes mellow? Say it ain't so, Joe!

And lay offa those lions. I hear they get Christians stuck in the teeth and nobody makes dental floss that big.

T2

Anonymous said...

Would it be churlish to point out that wtf.com and foad.com both already exist? Sending mail there results in annoyance to someone unconnected with Miss Snark. Arguably, telling nitwits to do that is in itself nitwit-ish. How about, "Thinking of querying Miss Snark? Don't."

Anonymous said...

I don't know how you send a SASE in an email, but I've come close to claiming I've done it, when I've used the same basic Word document for both snail mail and email queries.

Eileen said...

I think my favorite part about this is how darn pluky we writers are. Ever hopeful. I hope the poster finds an agent too.

Chumplet said...

It's just another part of everyone's dream to be a client of our dear Miss Snark. I mean, you can almost - almost see inside her head. Those of us who understand her intelligence and her twisted sense of humour dream of becoming part of her realm. If only, if only.....

tygacat said...

I had briefly considered scanning a stamped envelope (not with my actual address, though) and sending it to that address just to see the reaction. Ah, well.

Cynthia Bronco said...

"Anonymous said...
I don't know how you send a SASE in an email, but I've come close to claiming I've done it, when I've used the same basic Word document for both snail mail and email queries."

That's easy: I fold mine up and stick them in the "A" drive. Sometimes the glue on the stamps stick. The computer makes a low grinding noise when I do it, so I know it must be working.

Skylar said...

Are you sure the e-mail itself wasn't a joke? I'm having difficulty believing someone could see the e-mail address and the SASE thing and not notice the...I'd say the satire, but that's too subtle a word.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark,

Have you ever visited PNWA and met writers, or spoken at one of the meetings?