6.23.2006

Son of "just say no"

Sucked up from the comments column is this gem: Cancel My Account

It's an audio download file.
It's hilarious.
It meshs EXACTLY with what I know of AOL.

18 comments:

The Rentable Writer said...

OMG, that's great.

I know how "Vince" feels. I went through similar stuff with AOL years back.

ME said...

What the... OMG. I had a conversation like the the other day - but it wasn't with AOL. Sigh. What is wrong with people?

Sonarbabe said...

Sounds an awful lot like Sprint when you try to cancel your cell phone service with them as well. Hahaha.

Anonymous said...

I signed up with AOL a few years ago just to try its music download service, which I promptly learned wasn't compatible with my Mac.

I'm usually pretty mild-mannered when it comes to customer service reps. I know they have a script of some sort and have to do/say certain things. It's annoying as hell, but not really their fault.

But when I called to cancel my AOL account, the endless questions and badgering from the customer service rep nearly moved me to a tirade of four-letter words and obscene epithets.

I will never again, under any circumstances, even consider trying an AOL product.

Sheila said...

I couldn't listen to the whole thing - it sounds too much like my conversation with them. And the manager. And then their manager. And then the Better Business Bureau. I emailed as well - I think it scared them that I had everything in writing.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

I was on AOL from clear back in the days of 2.0. Anyone remember the Brit. version with the sexy "You've got post" and "File's finished" voice?

Anyway, we cancelled last summer. The service was awful, and AOL is obnoxious. We had harassment issues. A woman who's a regular in one of the family oriented chat rooms stole children's photos, pretended they were hers, and posed as the teen daughter of another regular. She'd go in "mature" chat-rooms and arrange meetings for this girl at her school. Nice, huh?

AOL would do NOTHING. We made it up to an AOL vice president. I'd name them, but I don't want to cause you trouble on your blog. They refused to do anything.

So, they still have this woman online. I know. Last month when we were at my grand aunt's I got on her AOL to visit the old chat. Yup, the pervert's still there, still being obnoxious. And she's still protected by AOL's policies.

We went through a similar conversation when we cancelled too. They don't want to let you go. We had to cancel three times. They'd pretend to cancel, then we'd get this letter in the mail saying, "You agreed to stay. If this isn't right, contact us."

AOL is nasty. Don't ever go there. Don't pay them your good money. And if you're on AOL, find something else. There's high speed internet out there for bunches less than AOL's non-functioning dial-up.

They lie to you. Period. Nasty bunch!

theinadvertentauthor said...

Sounds like a scene out of "Cable Guy". Will the real Jim Carrey please stand up?

Brigitta M. said...

Vincent is a heck of a lot nicer than I was when I tried to cancel my AOL account. It got to the point where I was repeating the phrase: "Have you cancelled my account yet? No? Then shut the hell up." and banging my phone on the desk. Asking for a supervisor was even worse because, of course, "he's currently unavailable" and his boss, "sorry, not here." and then, "So, you're the incompetent idiot in charge of the whole system? And if so, why the hell isn't my account cancelled?" more banging the phone on the desk, etc. etc.

In the end I just ended up saying, "Y'know what? My credit's already screwed up. Have fun charging me for something I will never use and telling everyone how crappy your service is."

AOL should take a hint from Sprint, et al. I've cancelled service from Sprint and it was as easy as saying "This isn't working for me currently." and I've gone back to them several times. AOL, on the other hand, I will NEVER go back to and I'd advise anyone who is even remotely desperate for internet service and their only option is those free discs? To just break those discs in half and cut themselves with them instead. It'll be a lot less painful than trying to cancel your account.

Sherri said...

That was also my experience. I didn't cuss, though, pretty proud of myself. I said, "Look, I know this is just your job and you probably hate it as much as I do, so can we just get on with it?" And we did. They keep sending me junk-mail, though.

Anonymous said...

"I'd advise anyone who is even remotely desperate for internet service and their only option is those free discs? To just break those discs in half and cut themselves with them instead. It'll be a lot less painful than trying to cancel your account."

This cracked me up!

The Rentable Writer said...

Here's a run-down of my service numbers in politeness from best to worst:

1. Dell - extremely helpful, even with the outsourcing.

2. Comcast - nice.

3. Ticketmaster - helpful, but I had trouble understanding the girl's strong Texan accent. She got the job done quickly and efficiently, though.

3. Gateway - I got bitched at once because I didn't know how to install my Internet box. And that was the reason I was calling. I ended up hanging up on the guy, but otherwise I found their service OK.

4. AOL. *pukes*

Ken Boy said...

I used AOL for about six years. I cancelled about five years ago (for the second time, actually) and this is exactly how it was, only this guy probably was employee of the month, because my guy gave up after only a couple of minutes.

Brenda Bradshaw said...

AOL won't even call my house anymore. The last time they did (about six years ago), my husband said, "You realize you called Brenda Fontenot?" They said to have a nice day and hang up (Fontenot being my first married name.)

My account was hooked to my debit/credit card, so the money came out automatically each month and effected my checking account. EACH month, I had to go to the bank, fill out a dispute form, have the money refunded. Then AOL decided to sign me up for this $100/year hotel discount thing. After EIGHT MONTHS, my BANK suggested changing account numbers, which I did. I went off and after four hours on the phone and working my way up their food chain, I told them if I heard a whisper at all on my account or phone, I'd sue them to high heaven and back, and knowing a slew of others with the exact problems, we'd make it a class-action suit.

I haven't heard from them since with the exception of the phone call listed above.

AOL is a nightmare, pure and simple. And yet I notice a LOT of agents have aol listed as their email - which makes me blink and wonder about that agent. Run fast, run hard, find a bomb shelter. But whatever you do, do NOT sign with them!

Chucky should be their mascot. Absolute horror mated with stupidity, and truth in advertising all at once.

Umbrella Girl said...

You can lump satellite radio in with these infuriating jerks. A friend bought a used truck with the radio already in it. She wanted to subscribe to the service. Sirius told her she would have to have some identification number attached to that particular radio - a number they store in their records - that they won't let her have. They insisted she locate the man who previously owned the truck and get it from him. After a good half hour of being stonewalled for wanting to purchase the service, she ended up screaming at the csr, "You're so fucking stupid, I can't even talk to you!" and hung up. While witnessing the whole thing, I couldn't blame her.

just Joan said...

Oh, been THERE, cancelled THAT! I found the humor of this audio file though it dredged-up the dregs of my own AOL cancellation experience.

What part of "NO" do they not understand? Are AOL employees brainwashed to remove that particular word and its meaning from their minds?

JerseyGirl said...

Chucky should be their mascot. Absolute horror mated with stupidity, and truth in advertising all at once.

I agree. :-)

And it's actually nice to know I'm not the only one who had to deal with AO*Hell's customer service.

I'm usually pretty easy going, but one evening, before hubby finished cooking supper, I got on the phone to call AO*Hell and cancel (this was about 5 years ago). After a couple of minutes, the c/s guy went thru his script, if I do this, will you not cancel, blah, blah, blah.

I said no. He went into another script, and then another. I finally had it and yelled at him something like, "Just cancel my damn account! I'm not interested in anything!" I kept telling him to cancel, and he finally told me at the end, before I hung up on him, that the account was cancelled.

Hubby wondered what the hell the problem was; we both laughed about it afterwards, because he knows it takes a lot to get me to that point.

AO*Hell indeed.

~Nancy
(verification word: agnfb)

Anonymous said...

"Sirius told her she would have to have some identification number attached to that particular radio - a number they store in their records - that they won't let her have."

That number is how the radio is identified - how on earth would you expect them to give it to her if she can't give it to them? And any satellite radio unit can be made to display its id number on its screen.

Nicolette said...

I know this is an old topic, but I consider it my duty to add that this is exactly what happened to me. I swear it could even be the same guy.

The guy even tossed in a whole, "Wow, you've been a member here longer than I've worked here." He acted hurt when I finally, after several mintutes of being polite, got snarky.

"I'm sorry, I have to ask...did I offend you? I was just trying to help you out."

He actually made me feel guilty for getting insisting he cancel it.

I'm actually gratified that someone got it on tape, and that I can really see that this is scripted S.O.P.