(To be sung to the tune of 'How do you Solve a Problem Like Maria')
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Miss Stander?
How do you take a bone and mend its break?
How do you find a word that means Miss Stander?
An invalid girl,
Oh, how do you find a way fix Miss Staaaaaander?
Use titanium nails to screw her fractured humerus to a 4 inch mental plaaaaaaate!