RED is the latest update
How do I send crapometer entries?
Email your entry in the body of the email, no attachments, to Miss Snark at her gmail address.
When do I send my entry?
Starting Friday, September 1 at 1pm Eastern time up until 1am Saturday morning. It is a 12 hour window.
I'm going on vacation/busy/dead. Can I send it just a little early?
I'm just back from vacation/I can't tell time/my dog ate the clock. Can I be a little late?
Whose clock are you reading anyway?
How accurate is it?
Look, if you can't get an email to me in the middle of a 12 hour window, you have more problems than anything the crapometer can solve.
How do I know Miss Snark got my stuff?
you'll get an email back within 24 hours.
How do I know if Miss Snark will be posting my stuff?
You'll get an email saying so.
How are you picking which ones to post?
It seemed clear that we needed a random selection to best emulate the slush pile. A devoted Snarkling who (and why this is I do not know) can generate random numbers is sending me 105 random numbers based on the total number of entries. The plus five is to cover DQ's, and any other problemos.
Can I send something and have you critique it but not post it?
What do I send?
A query letter and a first page.
I write for tweens, middle grades, and other kinds of loinfruit. Can I send that?
yes, but you have to use the word "whatever" at least once.
I write romance. Can I send that?
I write SFF. Can I send that?
I write about gay cowboys from outerspace who are secretly plotting to take over the White House in the 2008 elections by converting everyone in Ohio to Scientology. Can I send that?
Can I send poems?
only if they involve Nantucket.
I write nonfiction, can I send that?
sure, but non fiction depends on much more than a query and the writing. The crapometer may not help you as much this time around. But, you're welcome to jump in the pool.
I write non-fiction fantasy, can I send that?
No. I will send you a cluegun instead.
Can I send a synopsis?
You can send whatever you want but you run the risk of being Snarked.
May I submit from a manuscript which is not finished?
Can I send more than one query?
How many words maximum?
Mine is 751.
Mine is 893
How many words minimum?
14: Dear Miss Snark, Here's my work, it's called 4:33, Love ya, let's do lunch
Is the 750 word limit inclusive of the query letter?
Yes. 750 total for query and first page/you can divide it as you see fit.
Who decides if over/under the limit is too much/too little?
Miss Snark's decision. Absolutely at her whim. If you complain, you're out.
I use italics, bold, underscores, foreign words and phrases, and the odd umlaut or ten. Is that ok?
Your word processinig program will send symbols instead of formatting. Try to strip out as much formatting as possible or your work will look dorky. You need to learn to do this anyway if you're emailing your queries.
Should I doublespace it like I do my snail mail queries?
I'm ok with being snarked but are you going to leave my name on it?
No. If you send it with your name, or actual title, those are redacted for the sake of world peace.
What can I expect to get from the Crapometer?
Miss Snark will read the entries like she reads her slush pile. You'll see how your query letter and first page stand up to her avaricious and cold, cruel claws were you to send it to her.
What can I win?
Nothing. There is no offer of representation attached to this. Not even prizes. Just the chance to be read and eviscerated by Miss Snark AND the bonus of column tail eviscerations.
Do I at least get a crapometer score; like This Query is 100% Craptacular?
No. Just comments. Despite all appearances to the contrary, this is supposed to be ..um...what's that word???...oh right: helpful.
Does this cost any money?
Is Miss Snark her own nitwit?
Is Killer Yapp reading any of the entries?
no. Killer Yapp has more sense than that.
Is Grandmother Snark reading any of the entries?
no. Grandmother Snark is busy modeling at the Dada show at MoMA through early September.
Are we having fun yet?