8.29.2006

Read the Damn Directions

50 comments:

delilah said...

Is that his royal self?

How adorable is that face!!

kissy, kissy, kissy

Anonymous said...

Sic em, KY.

Anonymous said...

The evil eye from a poodle. I'm sufficiently terrified.

LJCohen said...

Dear Miss Snark,

I think you need to have all potential participants in your snarkometer take this test.

Now have a gin and put your feet up!

Anonymous said...

Snarkdown!!!

Ric said...

That is one mean ass looking pup.

S. W. Vaughn said...

Thanks, KY :-)

Anonymous said...

Why don't you simply ignore those that don't follow the directions. Makes your job a lot easier...

Kris said...

Are people really that stupid???

Or do they think that they are good enough where they don't need to follow directions.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above. If a few crazy folks don't read/follow your clearly listed directions (umm, not difficult to find), don't post their texts. You've given submission instructions and formatting feedback, defined the twelve-hour window according to your clock, framed the word count and query and first page, and some people are still in a tizzy. I'd bet you'll get 2,000 words from them. It's kind of scary.

Even though you've posted the instrux and answered dozens of questions on this already, the questions will keep on coming. I shudder to think about submissions to agents and publishers for real. If these crazies can't find/adhere to the directions on this blog for this craptastic exercize today, how can we hold out hope that they'll follow the guidelines for real publication later on?
-SK

The Rejected Writer said...

ljcohen, I had a middle school teacher who gave us that exact test. She made us take it with pens. Amazing.

HawkOwl said...

Holy shit. That's the meanest-looking poodle I've ever seen. If you're up this way, let's see what he can do against my Sissi. :)

Anonymous said...

It's always going to be a good day when a small dog reminds you that there are those in the world much more stupid than you.

Anonymous said...

GASP!!

It 'twas love at first sight!

What a handsome Killer Yapp you have there!

Love to KY,
Anon

Anonymous said...

is that a picture of a poodle or a bichon frise? either way, it doesn't look happy.

Scottie McBruiser said...

Och!

Th' wee lit'ul toilet scrubbah' s'got wee beady lit'ul eyes!

Bah! I hope yew lose out on'a Sophie's choice b'tween yew and Clooney's pig, lit'ul frawg dog.

Dwight The Troubled Teen said...

"Nice doggie... You wanna milk bone 'er sumpthin?"

Yommy Kippur said...

I'm only an eighteen pound poodle, but if that's a poodle in the photo they gave him a bichon haircut. Oy Vey...the groomer would be missing finger!

Anonymous said...

Mommy!

BradyDale said...

I have to echo delilah... is that really HIM!!! KY??? I love him!
(((I love him even if it's not KY, but I'd love it if that were the one and only Yapp)))

Maya said...

Where's the pink tam?

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of my mother's dog, whom she treated better than she treated anyone else. It was a sweet dog, however, and some of us were not.

sfldkov said...

Directions are for squares.

Real artists think outside the box.

Chumplet said...

I printed all directions, highlighted the crucial parts, assembled my query and first page(s) which added up to the proper number of words in MS Word, emailed it to myself at work and now I'm sitting at my desk with my hands folded neatly in front of me, waiting patiently for teacher to give the word.

Anonymous said...

Looks more like a Bichon than a poodle to me.

Anonymous said...

Just disqualify anyone who tries to send it before the subscribed time. Or just make that threat. It should shut them up for a while and make them actually sit down and do the calculations.

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Yikes.

Eat Dwight first!

Pepper Smith said...

Well, if there's one constant in the world, it's that most people don't read directions.

It's amazing how stern a dog can look, isn't it?

writtenwyrdd said...

We ought to start a website with KY as the poster child: My Dog Hates You. (There's one out there for cats already.)

That is one pissed off looking pooch. I used to work with military attack dogs, and that face scares me worse.

Bernita said...

Lord Kitchener redux moment...
Perfect!

Genjii said...

awww... he's got a white 'fro... gotta love it!

BertGrrrl said...

Ohmygawd! I currently live with a mixed terrier named The Pooka who is a biter. Recently, sadly, I lost a sweet old Bichon named Max--who bit people.

Before that, I lost my dear diabetic Cody, the gentlest old guy in the world--unless you pissed him of, then he'd bite you.

Before *that*. there was my tragic loss of the mysterious Fuzzhead--a 12lb. "Miniature American Eskimo Dog" (I thought he was really an arctic fox in the Witless Protection Program, but that's another story . . ) who was the world's sneakiest biter. He'd nail you *in the armpit*.

Think about it. Teeth like razor blades.

Anyway, looking into KY's deadly serious eyes is a remarkably familiar experience for me. For a short, wonderful moment in time, I had all *4* of the above eulogised Canine-Americans--all shelter dogs--living with me.

So . . . when I see *that look* on a dog's face . . . well, it reminds me who the real Leader of the Pack is, that's all I'll say.

KY--you go, guy! Damn, baby! Gotta love a badass poodle . . .

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

What a cute pie!

*sends KY a box of chocolate-dipped Godiva strawberries*

writerdog said...

He's a killa.

Kendall said...

Hahaha, I took a version of that test, ljcohen, in 8th Grade, I think. Ours was a little different (no standing and talking), but part of it involved moving your desk around the room. I still remember one of the pretty blonde (!) girls moving her desk and being confused, "you finished your test already?!" she asked someone else. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Ah, Miss Snark, I do adore you. It's been a few days since I checked in. When I saw this post, my eyebrows rose. When I scrolled down to the ongoing directions, I snorted my coke and sprayed my keyboard. When I dried out my keyboard, I thought I'd share this quote by Steven Wright:

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

Thanks for laughter,
JS

Hildieblog said...

heed the killer yap, nitwits!

December Quinn said...

I just fell further in love with KY. What a fantastic little face.

Kanani said...

He's poofy and intense.

Reminds me of a man I once knew.

Kim said...

Eeek... Dana, you'd better give those strawberries to MS - chocolate can KILL dogs (or so I've been told). Somehow, I don' think you want to be the one to off KY, do you? The karma alone would make you a goner!

Swap the chocolate strawberries for some nice, gourmet doggie treats and you'll be good to go :)

Jim Oglethorpe said...

"Ladies and Gentlemen...The Bichon Frise!"

Will never forget when the announcer at the 2001 Westminister Dog Show declared J.P. , the Bichon, Best in Show. The dog went nuts. Nuts. Very cute.

Or, maybe this is a poodle.

Sonarbabe said...

Whether that's KY or not, I sure wouldn't want to cross him. Nice doggie... I'll follow the directions... Here's a Beggin' Strip... Ah hell.

McKoala said...

omg what a clean dog. On the outside at least...what lies beneath is far scarier.

Dave Kuzminski said...

He compares favorably to Fluffy

overdog said...

I'm changing my name to underdog.

Lincoln Crisler said...

That dog ain't no bitch.

CuteWithTeeth said...

Oh my Dog. I laughed out loud when I saw the photo. It's perfect.

spy scribbler said...

Funny! That's the cutest evil eye I've ever seen.

ljcohen, I remember that test! We took it in fifth grade. Only TWO people passed. (I wasn't one of them.) But I read all the crapometer rules, every single one!

They seem pretty straightforward.

Termagant 2 said...

My worst nightmare -- Poodle with Attitude.

He reminds me of my own (departed) Gigot. He looked stupid in a classic poodle cut so we always had him puppy trimmed. He came out looking something like a scalped Bichon, but comfy.

T2

P.N. Elrod said...

You (or KY) owe me another &*^%ing keyboard!!!