What the hell did I do with that cluegun?

Dear Miss Snark:
I'm fairly new to the site so don't consider me too much of a nitwit if you've already answered these questions:

Have you written and published your own fiction books? Or any other books for that matter? What qualifies anyone to be a literary agent, anyway? Seems there are more frauds out there than anything.

Have a great day,

Gee thanks honey, you too.

No I haven't written or published any of my own fiction books. Or any other book.
What qualifies me to be a literary agent? The fact that I know a little something about the publishing industry, how to advocate for an author and steer an author's writing career.

I'm sure you've queried a great many agents in your quest for representation. Here's a tiny little clue just for you: "no" is not a genetic marker for a bad agent.


nut said...

Miss Snark, I'm shocked... No bitemarks on the imbessiles bottom? Not even a bark from KY? Are you... going soft? C'mon, gently tap the nitwit's head with your shoe. Its the least you could do...

Marty said...

I wasn't meaning that YOU are a fraud! (I don't know you from Eve.) It's just that I've known people who have had these fraudulent agents give them hope. I personally haven't done many queries, truth be told.
And I did mean 'have a nice day.' But thanks for replying. And stay snarky. There's really no other way to be.

acd said...

marty: There are a couple of "How do I become a literary agent?" questions in the Snarkives that might answer your questions about qualifications quite quickly. (Okay I added those last two words just to get more q-words into that sentence.)

McKoala said...

nut, I think that Miss Snark spotted that the subtext to the question read 'newbie' not 'nitwit'. There's a difference.

Marty you took this very graciously! Snark on.

M. G. Tarquini said...

Hi Marty. Miss Snark has a wealth of information that can be easily accessed through the Snarkives (link in sidebar), thanks to the ceaseless efforts of Miss Adventure (may her name be praised forever).

Spend time there, read the blog awhile, get a feel for the lay of the land before sending somebody an email that implies she's not on the up and up. After some research, I'm sure you'll learn that Miss Snark is ceaseless in her efforts to expose publishing scams, she dispenses sound advice and is a nice person.
Except when she's smacking nitwits upside their heads.
And even that, she does with style.

Anonymous said...

"Have a great day" maybe didn't realize how sarcastic he sounded. I think he's just a bit clueless. He probably thought he was asking a legit question.

Anonymous said...


Maya said...

Marty: God love you. Not the most auspicious way to introduce yourself, was it?

Fortunately, most writers start out ignorant as an egg. A lot of us are empathizing with you right now.

You'll find plenty of information in the Snarkives about how to distinguish good agents from bad. There are great websites with lots of helpful data.

Good luck to you.

Marty said...

Actually, I was just curious as to whether Miss Snark had published anything, cause I'd buy it for sure! I think she's got to be one of the funniest people ever to live. And yeah, I'm pretty ignorant on the publishing world. So far, all I've run into are scam artists. I know Miss Snark isn't one of those, Thank God!
And Anonymous..Please don't call me 'he,' cause I sure as hell ain't no guy..

Nut said...

I guess I'm the one with the bite prints. A friendly koala bite prints. I just hope you don't have rabies.

Off to apply banana leaf bandages.

Quick said...

Delicious reply.

Talia Mana said...

I love Miss Snark's comments and her snarkisms. The clue gun is a favourite (yes I'm from NZ hence the spelling). I would definitely read a book based on the snarkives. It would also be a great gift to wannabe authors everywhere, yanno!