September 1, 2006
Miss Snark, Literary Agent
Dear Miss Snark:
I read on your web site that you are interested in romantic suspense. I thought that you might be interested in my novel, The Drakkan Stone, a romantic suspense/time travel of 100,000 words, which is a stand-alone but is intended to be the first in a series.
Seahenge, an ancient water megalith was a career-making story for Lorin Gallagher, a freelance writer with psychic ability to know the truth by touch. A weekend retreat to the Scottish Highland Games in the mountains of North Carolina, and she meets a Highlander, Kohner Cormac, who rescues her from an attack. (is there a connection between these two things-if there is, it's not clear to me) Her research takes her to Scotland and while visiting the ruins of Kohner’s castle, she travels back in time to Medieval Scotland.
In her zeal to locate the next big story and return home, she uncovers a long buried secret and realizes her breaking story isn't the Seahenge discovery but the facts surrounding the ancient civilization that built the henge. However, revealing that secret could change the way scientists view this ancient civilization. Her ambition blinds her to the far-reaching affects of this revelation on people’s beliefs.
Her life is in danger as someone tries to stop her return home and gain possession of the ancient finger-ring, which she learns has certain powers. As she gets closer to the truth, her own daring puts others in danger as she and a young girl are kidnapped.
Kohner Cormac, Clan Guardian of the Misty Island, has the responsibility for the clans: MacLean and MacKinnon. However, his powers as Royal Sentinel from an ancient, thought to be lost, civilization have lessoned with the loss of the drakkan-stone ring. A dark secret that he guards threatens to be exposed by the same woman he has rescued.
Engaged in a battle of wits and wills between a scare-ravaged clan leader who is determined to prove to her that there is more to success than revealing beliefs better left unwritten and a career-oriented modern woman determined to forge her own success, brings about a decision that each must sacrifice their own desires.
Karen Marie Moning’s Highlander novels were a great inspiration to my own writing, and although The Drakkan Stone is my first novel, I have been writing for five years and have two other manuscripts in this series ready for revision.
gadzooks, pare this down. I don't need a synopsis, I just need a glimmer of hope that there is a plot in the book.
Thank you very sincerely for taking the time to consider my novel. I would be happy to send you a synopsis and three chapters for your review, or the complete manuscript. I look forward to hearing from you.
THE DRAKKAN STONE
Medieval 18th Century, Scotland (err..isn't the 18th century called something like Restoration, Regency or the Age of Reason or something. Medieval is centuries before this)
The darkened room was small by the castle standards of chambers, but its purpose- a secret workroom, lined with overflowing shelves filled with books on magic, spells and dragon lore. All of which disinterested him. He had what he came for. In his hand, he held an obsidian scrying glass that he could see into clearly, despite the confines of the darkness. The glass crystal proved clear tonight, and with little effort, he summoned the dragon-hunter. At this moment, they could not call his powers inept. To scry this effortlessly was a boon to his ego. There would be plenty of entertainment for this eve.
He gave a low chuckle (really? to whom?) and reached for the soft velvet pouch to enclose the scrying glass. He was now ready to join the group headed for the Games. He paused as he noticed the scene in the crystal begin to change. No longer the familiar coastline, but an unknown cairn. Fog interfered with the scene, but something lay covered in the cairn. Would this be a benefit to him or a hidden complication? As long as his identity remained unknown, he was safe. He would have to examine this further. A knock sounded. He put the cloth wrapped crystal back in its resting spot, gathered his cape about him and moved silently into the wall. (well, that sounds promising)
Startled, he awoke by a thump. The candle on the adjacent nightstand beckoned the shadows, and brought them to life. (ok, this is where I stop reading) Kohner’s hand slid swiftly beneath the pillow and grasped a dagger as he tried to slow his breathing. His heartbeat hammered, not from the awakening sound, but from the affects of the disturbing dream that had plagued his slumber. There it was again- a knock on the wooden door. He bolted off the bed as he heard a voice call to him from the other side.
“Milord, there was a . . .”
You're absolutely awash in more words than you need. Pare! Pare! Take that dagger and cut off about half of what you have here. Get the action moving. Quit telling us how all fired moody and Heathcliffian all these "he's" are. Kill someone! Now!
You tell us the heroine of the novel is someone named Lorin. Where the hell is she?