Dear Miss Snark,
Macaroni and Cheese are girls desperate for adventure, but their small Michigan town isn't terribly forthcoming. That is until they meet a mysterious old woman in the woods near the lake. Rumors about Miss Elizabeth abound in town, but Macaroni and Cheese must discover for themselves whether she is a crazy axe-wielding maniac or just an eccentric old spinster.
I am seeking representation for my 52,000 word young adult novel, "The Adventures of Macaroni and Cheese", and I am appreciative of your consideration. Below is the first page of the text, per your submission guidelines.
I am an editor at Idy-bidy Publishing, and have had three short stories published in "Short Stories R Us" and "Random Stories" magazines in the past two years.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Eternally Hopeful Writer
Great query. I'm ready to read.
The Adventures of Macaroni and Cheese
"Macaroni. That's a weird name."
"Oh yeah, like Cheese is any more normal? Besides, you gave it to me."
"So, you didn't start calling me Cheese until I started calling you Macaroni. And anyhow, I think Macaroni sounds lots better than 'Mac'. Mac sounds like a truck driver."
(as you know Bob)
"Whatever. Here we are, Macaroni and Cheese, with the whole summer before us. . ." Macaroni said sweeping her arms dramatically.
"And we're bored to death," said Cheese.
Macaroni plunked back down on the step and sighed. "You're right. Greenbrier is such a boring place."
The mid-June sun warmed the morning, promising another not-too-hot Michigan day. Greenbriar, the home of both Suzanne Margaret MacIver, also known as "Macaroni" and Anne B. Brewer, also known as "Cheese". Anne—er—Cheese refused to reveal to anyone, including her very best friend Macaroni, just what the "B" stood for.
School had been out just a week, and already Macaroni and Cheese were feeling like they'd depleted their store of creative summer activity. Of course when you're eleven and have just finished the fifth grade, kids' stuff just isn't what it used to be. But what with the way
Macaroni and Cheese looked sitting on the back steps of Cheese's house, you'd think they lived in the most boring place on the planet.
In fact, Greenbriar was not at all boring. Located on a small lake, bearing the same name as the town, Greenbriar was teeming with summer activities, for kids of all ages. There were the big "kids" with their speedboats and water skis. Younger kids with their bicycles and
roller blades. And the oldest group of "kids," who derived their enjoyment from watching all of the others play from lawn chair vantage points.
Tell tell tell.
Stay on Mac and Chee and give me THEIR POV. Don't step back and start sounding like Grandmother Snark pointing out the advantages of a small town. Gimme junior high ennui.
I'll help you paint your toes silver, and you can dye my hair magenta while we discuss B-O-Y-S.
This is the classic disconnect of a good query and a disappointing first page. Y'all drive me to gin I swear.