Dear Miss Snark,
I am looking for representation for my fantasy novel, and I would like to invite you to review my manuscript and consider representing me.
THE GIRL IN THE GLOBE, a fantasy novel, complete at 110,000 words.
TRISTAN is a mage with almost no power, drifting through life. Traveling along back roads, he stumbles on clansmen attacking a girl, LISSA, who is trapped in a globe of water. He ambushes the clansmen, rescues the unconscious Lissa, and brings her to the local manor.
Lissa's mother, Lady KATERIN, is angered and terrified when she learns of the attack: Lissa is her last connection to her dead husband. Thinking Tristan responsible, she furiously confronts him, but they are both astonished to find they are old school friends. Before they can cautiously renew their acquaintance, someone poisons Lissa. Katerin gambles on Tristan, who barely succeeds in saving Lissa's life using his meager magical talent.
Someone wants Lissa dead, and there seems to be no reason behind the attacks and few clues to follow. Katerin vows to unravel the mystery and Tristan joins her, drawn by her personality, their earlier friendship, and his own sense of responsibility. The trail leads across the kingdom, and they give chase, desperate to stop their unknown adversary before he can strike again.
The Girl in the Globe is a story with accessible characters, mixing fantasy with romance, mystery, and adventure. The book explores how relationships change over time, how the past influences the present, and the corrupting influence of power and class. It would attract sophisticated readers who enjoy books by L. E. Modesitt, Charles Stross, and Martha Wells. This project is a stand-alone novel, but could be the first book in a series.
My previous writing credits have been in academic non-fiction.
Per your Crapometer instructions, I have pasted the first page below. I look forward to hearing from you.
I like the format you chose for sending this in an email. I like how you described your credits. It's succinct. I don't think you need to tell me the themes, but it's not going to stop me from reading. What will is that there's not much new here. I don't read much fantasy beyond what ya'll send to the crapometer and this looks pretty usual to even me. If there IS something new, you might want to tell me what it is in the cover letter.
Tristan dropped into a crouch and pushed forward through the grass toward the top of the hill. No trees or rocks to use as cover; a pity. He'd have to be careful not to create a silhouette against the late afternoon sun.
He hadn't expected to meet anyone along the disused trail he'd been following. In fact, he'd chosen this route specifically because the trail promised to skirt the local manor house at some distance, as indeed it had. But an unexpected cry of terror had warned Tristan there was trouble ahead--trouble he couldn't afford. He needed to know what the cry signified before the trouble found him.
Tristan's bow caught in the grass as he inched forward. He gently pulled it loose, wary of any sudden motion, and continued onward.
At the crest of the rise, Tristan slowly lifted his head. In the meadow beyond, the trail he'd been following forked. The left branch marched through the meadow into the distance, presumably toward the manor. A dead horse lay in a heap by the side of the trail, saddle askew and legs splayed.
The other branch veered right to cross the stream, a full hundred paces from where Tristan crouched. In the center of the ford, five Kaelmen splashed in the shallow water, surrounding a girl in a shimmering globe.
Tristan's pulse quickened. Great Lord, a Fist of Kael raiders! And this far east of the Border. The Fists specialized in slash-and-burn raids, fading back across the Border quickly, not extended forays into the Kingdom. So what brought them here, and who was the girl?
This doesn't suck but it doesn't do anything to entice me either.
I'd pass with a form rejection letter and pray you don't ask me for suggestions cause "entice me" just isn't something you want to reply to anyone but Mr. Clooney.