Dear Ms. Snark: (snarl)
I have a completed manuscript for your consideration.
"Multi-Purpose Wipes" is a dark-humored story about the end of the United States as we currently know it. A plot to overthrow the government takes on a life of its own and has the key players scrambling to figure out who is really pulling the strings. Conspiracies exist, they just never go as planned.
I have lived across the U.S. and in Central America. My most recent job was as a firefighter in Alaska. All of these experiences lend themselves to the story.
Look forward to hearing from you,
this one has my finger twitching at the SASE cause there's so little substance to the letter.
Like the name of the protaganist.
"Multi-Purpose Wipes" 1st page:
PART I – IMPETUS
Print The Legend
It started on a beach in Western Mexico when a young United States citizen was confronted by a World Police Officer. Some history books say that World War One was initiated by an assassin’s bullet. A single man committing a simple act, a world at war. America’s second civil war, Operation Fuck You, as some called it, was said to have been started by a confrontation between two United States citizens. One was Carl Sayer, a World Police Officer (WPO) assigned to monitoring U.S. citizens in Mexico; the other, a 29-year-old man with a couple of beers under his belt and a Cat Stevens song playing on his boom box. His name was George Lather.
Operation Fuck You (OFY) was what the “Leave Its” called the war. Actually, the “Leave Its” were what the “Love Its” called the rebellious fighters who had risen up against America’s government. The Love Its called themselves the Love Its, or, the Real Americans. What made it even more confusing is that the Leave Its (who never referred to themselves as that) called themselves The Americans. So there were the Real Americans fighting The Americans, or, the Love Its fighting the Leave Its. As the rest of the world became interested, in one way or the other, they began to refer to the war in the United States as America’s Second Civil War and the dueling sides as the Love Its and Leave Its, which over time became the Luvetts and Leevitts. The Real Americans always referred to the war as the War of Christian Endurance, or WOCE.
Humor is hard to write.
Sarcasm is harder.
Sardonic dark conspiracy theories that are funny are hardest.
This is all tell, no show.
I'm conspiring with KY to give you a complex by rejecting this with a rubber stamp that says "Love it or leave it; just do it"