Barbara Bauer, it's your red letter day!

This is one of those things so off-plumb you need magnets in your shoes to find true north again when you're done listening.

In this podcast Barbara Bauer makes some pretty hilarious statements and mentions Miss Snark by name. The title of the podcast is "The Crisis in Publishing". Now with a title like that, you'd think there'd be mention of business models (returns and such); the challenges of protecting intellectual property in a field that lives on influences, and canon; perhaps even the 'crisis' of three week sales windows at big box stores.

But no. No no. The crisis is little ol' me...and my "cabal" of friends. Yes, Miss Snark is her own crisis. She's Out To Get that Pure of Heart and Oh So Put Upon Barbara Bauer.

There's a crisis in Barbara Bauer's world all right. It's spelled "transparency".

It used to be that if you saw an ad for a literary agency in the back of a writing magazine, and you didn't know much about publishing, you might think that was the way business is done. You might think agents charge reading fees, or retainers. They don't. But you wouldn't know that.

It used to be that if an agent called you up all atwitter about your wonderful manuscript, you'd believe all agents worked that way, and perhaps were even grateful she "only" wanted $450 for what was sure to be a best seller.

It used to be that if you typed "Barbara Bauer" into a search engine, you'd find her website at the top of a list of several hundred hits.

Now, there's a crisis. Yes indeed, roll the menacing music, call Fox News, there's a crisis in publishing.

The clearest sign of impending doom is when you type "Barbara Bauer" in a search engine now, you get 40,000 hits, the first two are warnings, then her own site pops up, and then the next several are warnings again.

It IS a sign of impending doom when people are calling your bluff. It's a real crisis when people can share information about your business practices. It's a real crisis when other people in the industry say "whoa, wait a second, that's now how this business works".

But fear not Barbara Bauer!
No no, fear not.
We can put all that nonsense to rest quite easily.

We'll make those meanies over at Absolute Write, and those Kingpins Crispin and Straus, not to mention that Preditor Dave, yes, we'll make them ALL regret having chewed on poor defenseless you:

Here's what we do Barbara:

1. Email me the name of any editor in NYC you've spoken with directly during the month of October. If you were sick, or busy, or in crisis counseling, heck, send me a name from September. Include the editor's direct number. I'll post it in



2. Email the name of any royalty paying publisher in the WORLD to whom you have sold a book in the past six months-a publisher that does not require any form of author fee, payment or contribution. Do it and I'll post it in



3. Email me the page number from the Book Expo 2006 Directory that lists Nomad Press. The directory is a list most agents hang on to from year to year. You have your copy, right? You don't want to look at the page for the pubisher of Street Smart Writer? Ok, how about Harper Collins. Oh wait, they publish that vixen Victoria Strauss. Ok, how about.. Backbeat Books? You're a cabaret singer in your spare time...Backbeat is right up your alley. Oh wait, you're proud of that Ph.D...how about the pages that list University presses? Any or all Babs.
Send me the info and I can post it in


4. Email the places you've served on industry panels you didn't organize yourself; I'll post it in



5. Email me a list of writing conferences you've been invited to and I'll post it in



6. Email me a list of professional organizations you belong to. Even the ones without membership requirements. I'll post the list in


7. Send me the link to your listing at Publishers Marketplace and I'll post it in


I'm here for you Barbara Bauer!
I'm here to resolve the Crisis In Publishing!

I know most agents can do all seven of these things in about 22 seconds; but really Babs, just one, any one, ANY one, and we can lay this all to rest. It's time to move on Babs. It's time to get back to business.

And speaking of business....this whole crisis in publishing thing sounds like a very interesting book idea! You know..those things with proposals, contracts, deal points and announcements on Publishers Marketplace. (And as a special favor just for you Babs, I'll reduce my normal retainer fee to what I charge everyone else represented by Dragoon, Blowgun and Snark: $0--how's THAT for a good deal!!)

I'll tell ya Barb, there's an opportunity here. Don't let this slide by!

In fact, if you email me before midnight tonight, I'll throw in a lava lamp and a Ronco pocket Fisherman.

Time's awastin' Babs! Call me! Call now!


Anonymous said...

Har! Brilliant.

Thanks for the giggles.


Mark said...

What's the deal with Nomad? They published Glatzer's books. Does Bauer claim to have sold to them?

Lisa McMann said...

ooh, snap.

LadyBronco said...

I tried to click on the link, and it crashed my laptop. I guess that says it all.
(Poor, poor Babs)

Anonymous said...

Oh, my! You forgot to post a beverage alert.

Somehow, I don't think BB is going to take you up on your generous offer.

Miss Snark said...

Mark, nope, I just picked them out as the example. She can tell me the page Random House is on, or even Mystery Writers or America. I just picked Nomad cause they're nice. I could have picked Bleak House but you'd have to know they are part of Big Earth and I didn't want to make it too hard for her.

Bonnie Shimko said...

Mine crashed too!

Sam said...

And then I got to the part where she calls Miss Snark a dragoon.


Now, it's bad enough being called a dragon, but a dragoon? Now I may be wrong, but I don't think a dragoon is a synonym for group - I believe it's a cavalry soldier. Miss Snark - were you in the cavalry?
What else are you hiding from us?

M. G. Tarquini said...

*dies laughing*

Anonymous said...

Ah, I see. #3 was confusing. I thought you were saying here that Nomad was a publisher she'd "sold" to, but it wasn't a real publisher, and so would not be listed in BEA's book.

But you're actually just trying to see if she has the book.

Anonymous said...

I'll say one thing for Babs...she's got a pair of brass ones. Most scammers head for the hills, but Babs makes a point of creating her own mountain from whence she can shriek.

Miss Snark said...

the only way to get it is to go to BEA.

I'm sure she must, right?

Even guys with toilet seats on their heads go to BEA.


River Falls said...

I tried to click on the link, and it crashed my laptop.

The link is a little wacky. Try this one.

Diana Peterfreund said...

I have the book.

My favorite part of the podcast is the one where she says, "Some people are saying that this google bombing must have been organized by experts who were paid to program it." Oh man!

thanks for the Sunday morning laugh!

bleak house ben said...

I listened to the podcast yesterday and waited for your response. I knew it would get to you.

Is it me, or does Babs sound like she's got one foot in the grave? She's not exactly a skilled orator, a fact that helped her fit in with her posse of dumbsh*ts.

I only wish it would have been a call-in show.

Anonymous said...

Poor Barb, Babs, Boob, Balmy. She's not even smart enough to see that it's all over, even when she's in the grave looking up at Miss Snark with the shovel.

December Quinn said...

Yes, we evil technical experts arranged that Google-bombing. I only had to learn the html to post a link, which took about fifteen seconds.

I still remember that html code, btw...*whistles and looks innocently at the sky*.

Anonymous said...

In case you're keeping count: I too read #3 as implying something unsavory about Nomad Press. I understand your explanation in the comments, but that interpretation didn't occur to me when I was reading.

Miss Snark said...

good point.
I amended the post.

Clarity is a bitch on wheels ain't it!

overdog said...

This is great fun, but I'm still thinking about the beginners and wannabes who will fall for this stuff. Bauer's podcast and the like, I mean.

After reading all of the (so far) 74 comments in the "Why Should You Care...you're not an idiot right?" post from 10/27, I woke up this morning dreaming of the letter I'll send to Writer's Digest to ask them (not accuse, just ask), what's their responsibility to their readers vis a vis their advertisers?

People like BB are fun fodder for some of us, but they're a real danger to others. Miss Snark has taken them on and...oh, I don't know. I just don't think she should have to do it alone.

Of course she doesn't. There's Dave Kuzminski at P&E, Anne and Victoria at Writer Beware, and Jenna and all the great moderators at AW. Some of those people have written for Writer's Digest.

Is Writer's Digest a culprit? Do they have any responsibility? They're just selling ads. All magazines sell ads. They're not responsible for the quality of the products advertised.

"Publish Your Book!" is just like "Famous Artists School!" and all those "draw the cowboy" ads from years ago. Even as a kid I knew those were for the gullible. I knew because someone warned me.

I'm rambling, but maybe this brings me to a thank you to all the warners out there, and a realization of my own responsibility. I'm putting up a website of my own. There will be warnings there, and links to the proof that these people are dangerous. I hope everyone else who has a website or a blog will take it upon themselves to do the same. As a community of writers, maybe we can make more noise than they do.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Wouldn't a good agent care enough about how her author comes across via podcast to recommend a media coach before undertaking something like this?

What works for the author works for the pod-casting agent.

BuffySquirrel said...

Nice to know that those who are out to warn writers about Bauer are having so much effect. The phrase "running scared" springs to mind.

Kimber An said...

Is it any comfort to know there are those of us who don't know who the heck B.B. is and don't care to know?

Anonymous said...

Huh? I'm an absolute NOBODY but I've sat on panels and been invited to conferences (well, one conference).

Sam, a dragoon was a soldier who rode a horse to battle but then got off to fight on foot. The current version woould be a paratrooper or a mechanized infantryman riding to a battlezone and then fighting for each foot of ground the hard way.

librisfb said...

HEY, I've got the page number from the 2005 book, does that count Miss Snark? Maybe that could qualify me for one of the two prizes, maybe the lava lamp, since I don't fish. But then I don't need to fish. I can just re-listen to the BB podcast and smell all the fishy stuff I could possibly want.

LadyBronco said...

river falls...thanks for the link. I listened to the first half, but I started laughing so loud my husband came running and asked if I was okay.
Wow Miss Snark, you dragoon, you!
I have to say, tho...I didn't know google was paying me to have a blog. I am not doing the adsense thing, so did I miss something else? (lmao!)

Ken Boy said...

Rule #1: Never admit to nothing, baby!

Christine said...

Wonder how many books a year she could sell to Publish Everybody, I mean America?

Wow, if those two teamed up, that freak show would be worth the price of admission.

Victor Schwartzman said...


It is so unfortunate that there are predators out there, preying on writers. It doesn't matter whether the writers are good or bad, at least they are trying to do something. although I'm not so sure about the writers who publish calendars of their cats.

Victor Schwartzman said...

Makes me glad I don't own an ipod.

Anonymous said...

Was she drunk when she did this? Honestly...

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark -- Had I know that you were the malicious, dragooninan profiteers that you *all* are, I NEVER would have come to read your blog...

delilah said...

I think my computer ran out of ink 'cause I can't find any Red Letter replies from BB.


Miss Snark said...

Dragoonian profiteers!


Laura(southernxyl) said...

"you need magnets in your shoes to find true north again"

Does this work? I constantly suspect that I need to be reoriented.

Anonymous said...

Bring on the Congressional hearings! Miss Snark, get your gavel ready.

fleetgeek said...


Ms. Snark is a dragoon? That's just another reason to heart Ms. Snark. Let's skip all the picky stuff and just run away and get married.

Seriously, great postage. A friend of mine had a run in with Babs Boobsly and well, Ms. Boobsly came out the loser on that one.

Writerious said...

"Some people are saying that this google bombing must have been organized by experts who were paid to program it."

I wonder of Babs has been watching too much Faux... er, I mean FOX news? She's using their favorite, most trusted authority: "People are saying..."

lizzie26 said...

Too funny. I had to pause the podcast 'cause my ears were hurting from her grating, scratchy, voice. And I swear, she had.to.think.about.every.word.she.
said. A true agent would never have had a podcast like that!

Anonymous said...

But, Miss Snark, in answer to #6, dearest Babs is a member of the pretigious International Independent Literary Agents Association!

Anonymous said...

Suddenly, I hear the dueling bano song.

I heart Killer Yapp

S. W. Vaughn said...

I really, really needed this laugh today! Thank you, Miss Snark.

(I suffered through listening to the zombie podcast last night after finding a link on AW. I... well, I don't have words. I just don't. Sorry.)

Okay, maybe just this one word: Dragoon. :-)

Miss Snark said...

Ah yes, the IILAA, that paragon of associations.

I'm sure the requirements for membership must be listed somewhere on their site; along with dues structure; professional development seminars; a code of conduct; and perhaps, dare we hope, what distinguishes this august group from say..AAR?

NitWitness said...

Will there be a 'Miss Snark - Dragoon Action Figure' available for Christmas? How about an ensemble set; with Killer Yap, George Clooney and the Evil IILAA Empire as an accessory package?

BB could receive some honest royalty money, for a change....and you'd get to get close to George for the marketing blitz. ;)

Dave Kuzminski said...

Miss Snark, you know what would be even funnier? Change your last line to, "Time's awastin' Babs! Call me! Call now! Real literary agent standing by!" or something like that. ;)

sundae best said...

Wow, you are one wicked streetfighter, missy. How lucky we are to have you in our corner. *sob, sniff*

Thanks again for all you do. Rock on!

Kim said...

I only know about Babs because of this blog - thank dog for that! And because of this blog, I now know Writer Beware and P&E. Thank dog for that as well! And because of this blog I can pass that knowledge on.

This would be funny, if it weren't for the fact that so many people are obviously either naive enough or desperate enough to be published that they'll believe anything if there's a book in the end for them.

I haven't watched the podcast because I don't want the she-devil to crash my laptop, and because I think I'd probably want to reach in and choke the sh*t out of dearest Babs.

I'm far more interested in what the dragoons are doing anyway! :)

aardvark.novelista@gmail.com said...

Miss Snark, I wish I'd known you were really a whole dragoon of agents.


Are you hiring more Snarks to perpetrate this horrible scam?

mkcbunny said...

Congerssional hearings? Bloody sites? Oh my. And that bit about "being an American person" and having faith in this country, implying that anyone who disagrees with or "attacks" them is unpatriotic.

Miss Snark, the unpatriotic bloodsportstress. LOL.

What was she referring to when she said that Miss Snark is more than one person? Did I miss something, or is she just tripping?

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, I missed a good part of that podcast, because when she touted the David Hyatt Literary agency in Enterprise, Oregon, I couldn't stop laughing. I LIVE in Oregon. Enterprise, dog-love-them, is a one-horse town in Eastern Oregon. You have more jackrabbits and sagebrush living out there than people. The population listed in the 2000 census was a grand total of 1,895. Obviously the David Hyatt Literary Agency is in the thick of things. The question is, what things are thick in their little isolated corner of rural America?

Miss Snark said...

when you look on David Hiatt's website, he says he's not agenting any more.

I think he just got snookered in by Babs.

Enterprise has a great indie bookstore and I think it's the nearest town to Fishtrap, the writing retreat.

mkcbunny said...

From the BB home page:
AWOL: "a premiere podcast of the greatest living literary talent on Earth."

I'd comment, but I've got to go scrape my jaw off the floor.

Bernita said...

My. Word.

D.T. Kelly said...

Brilliant Post! But that's to be expected from a dragoon of writers. ;)

Anonymous said...

Poor Ms Bauer sounds like she is the illegitimate offspring of Jerry Lewis and Barbara Walters, but raised by Laverne, who recently confessed to having dropped baby Babs on her head in a tragic tussle with Shirley over a scooter pie.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Diploma mills have banded together and founded their own accreditation agencies. It makes them happy. They aren't worth a copper-coated lead penny. (Warning: obscure historical reference!). But it makes them happy.

I'm sure her new literary agency organization makes Miss Barbara happy too. Fake professional organizations provide the semblance of professionalism, but membership doesn't make one professional.

Oh, and I've been to Enterprise, Oregon. If you blink, you don't see it.

I was unimpressed with the podcast. It lacked good sense. Bad. Very bad.

I think Barbara needs her hot bed changed. It's gotten smelly. (Warning: obscure goat-herd reference.)

The Rejected Writer said...

So Miss Snark, what is your "profit motive"? You're secretly plotting to overthrow publishing and name yourself Queen Snark, aren't you?

Love the fact that the idiot from Chicago she "interviewed" was offering up legal advice regarding Google's exposure to liability. You're not liable if it's true!!!!!


Wanted to laugh, but it's really frightening to me that she (and her interviewees) were just so damn earnest.

Chumplet said...

It says in Wikipedia that Babs is also a cabaret singer. With that voice? Holy Jeez.

Miss Snark, if she's still performing, you should show up at her next gig. Incognito, of course.

Miriam said...

Is there some way I can pay the plural Miss Snark dragoon mistresses protection money?

I wouldn't want you to GoogleBomb me. It could hurt!

I'm dying to know which post BB interpreted as Miss Snark being more than one person... mayhaps she thinks Mr. Clooney is a contributor? Killer Yapp is one of your henchmen?

Termagant 2 said...

Hey, DragoonHeart Lady--if I can't query you, can I query one of the Evil Cabal?


Rashenbo said...

Oh My God!!! There is an entire GOOGLE conspiracy!!! Google is trying to run the world!!! We've got to get the federal government in here and start policing all this "stuff" that "all these people" are saying!! Miss Snark how much is google paying you and your hoard of miscreants??? OH MY GOD, we must do something - call your congressman!

Good lord, first her voice is painful. Second, people that can't pronounce Oregon really irritate me. I have to hold myself back and try not to ridicule them. And, people who ask for the government to police the internet kick my temper into high gear. *grumble*

dink said...


goes off singing, "Snark the magic dragoon lived by the sea ..."

Maya said...

I had checked Barbara's Google ranking on Friday. At that time, she was the first listing, but followed by a bunch of warnings.

Just checked her again (Sunday afternoon). She's slipped to #3 on the rankings for her own name. The first two are warnings from SFWA and Making Light. The remaining six are four warnings, her Wikipedia entry and one unrelated entry.

Nice job, writers.

overdog said...

I listened to the whole podcast. It's quite amazing. These people are serious. They seem to want to end up in court. They sound like they honestly don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Miss Snark, you're too generous. David Hiatt is, or at least was, an upfront fee-charging "agent."

Complaints about Hiatt, Josh Dinnerman and Tom Wahl are easy to find on the web. Of course, the complainers could be lying. Or they could be part of the "conspiracy" Josh mentioned. You know, the one to make money. (I believe Dave mentioned a green stamp he and Jenna shared with the other AW mods.) There's a lot of money in blogging. Look at all the ads on Miss Snark's blog!

Wahl was the most mystifying. The others are just defensive and full of idle threats. But Wahl was quite sure that Google is responsible for the "crisis in publishing," that the federal government should put a stop to it, and that somehow Google could tell people like Miss Snark what to say.


I look forward to Barbara Bauer's response to Miss Snark's challenge in the Red Letter Day post. But I'm not holding my breath.

Kim said...

I have to ask (especially since I didn't listen to the podcast)

how do you mispronounce Oregon?

And I just wanted to know if we can get in on the google kickbacks?

M. G. Tarquini said...

Gotta tell ya. I kinda want that pocket fisherman.

Lorra said...

The accent's a joke -- right?

The female speaker is some kind of character actress trying to break into comedy -- right?

Barbara Bauer CANNOT be for real. It's beyond the realm of all that is sane -- Right?!!

Sadly, some poor writers somewhere are probably going to buy her spiel. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

Ha! I'd rather be a dragoon than a maroon. ;)

You go, awesome Miss Snark!

Kandy said...

Poor Babs...guess she took one too many swigs from the gin pail. Hmm. Well, in her case, maybe it was one too many shugs from the vodka tub. Could that be where she went wrong in the first place?

Anonymous said...

I listened to the podcast and that's the last thing I did before my 13 year old IBM Aptiva monitor with integrated speakers ... died. Now, it may be a coincidence, but I'm thinking it's a conspiracy with secret codes written by BB's experts aimed at destroying the world. The Feds should really investigate. I wish Colber' could get an interview with BB on his show, Colbert Report. He could get to the bottom of this.
(Thanks Miss Snark.)

Alley Splat said...

It was really funny (though way short of being as funny as Miss Snark's (the Misses Snark's (?!) post). Thanks loads for that, I so needed the laugh. BB's got a lot to learn about leading witnesses - she just couldn't get them to say what she wanted them to say.

I'm longing for the congressionl hearing, if only because you'd get the congressional medal you deserve for services to writing, Miss Snark (Colonel-in-Chief of the Dragoon Guards!)

word verification ivnhj - Ivanhoe maybe?

Janet Black said...

I tried to listen, I really did, but her voice is so awful I gave up after two minutes. She sounds like a cross between Barbara Walters and Marge Simpson, with apologizies to Marge Simpson.

Dave Kuzminski said...

I think it's time the world had a Miss Snark literary agent action figure. Comes with stiletto heels that she can use to impale nitwits, gin pail in one hand, sidekick Killer Yap in his pink tam, and a photo of The George in her other hand that she clutches to her heart.

If you agree with me, write the Accoutrements Company that made the Librarian Action Figure of Nancy Pearl. Ask them to please contact Miss Snark for permission.

And no, it doesn't have to look exactly like her so that it gives away her identity.

Meg said...

Miss Snark, apparently you're a "dragoon." Man, if there IS a conspiracy going on, why aren't I a part of it? Why aren't I getting paid to hack into google and slander innocent fraudulent agencies everywhere?

I always miss out on all the fun.

Elektra said...

Perhaps 'crisis' is an acronym?


Anonymous said...

hey snarkolicious--what's up in not posting my comment about the Ph.D.? nothing sladerous was said--just questioned--this is not ok?

Lisa McMann said...

Dragoon? Is that like crab meat dragoon? I LOVE Chinese food.

What a compliment.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

I have a serious proposal. Barbara, I know you're reading this. So how about this? Let's talk Miss Snark into meeting you in a special AOL chatroom. Open chat. I'll moderate; and I'll keep the moderation to "no name swearing."

You defend yourself and your pals in a public forum, and you open yourself up to questions.

So, you and Miss Snark need to let me know. ....

I await your reply.

PS: I'm thinking of calling the chat room, High Noon at the I'm Ok You're Not Okay Chatroom.

Sherrill Quinn said...

I've been reading all the posts about this subject, and when I went back over to the IILAA website (at around 6:45 p.m. MST), found an extremely unprofessional response about revamping the website and "kiss my ass".

Yeah. Like I'd want them (her) to represent me now...

Anonymous said...

Ok. Oye. I just listened to half of it.

That woman is a crackpot trying to intimidate the wrong person. She just looks like a desperate looney.

I wonder if the men on the recording knew what she was up to or if they were just unsuspecting numbnuts? The first fellow sounds like he needs a few cups of coffee or a few pinpricks to wake up.

Damn. Just hilarious. Maybe Baaahhhhbraaawwww Bow-wow needs to realize it just taint working and she sounds like an old geezer.

Holy Canoli Smoky Josephine, lunatic city here she comes. Wonder how she looks in white?

I heart Killer Yapp

Anonymous said...

On second thought, maybe we should all get together and send her a lot of mail. Sort of a set up like a group did to Publish America???

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

ummmm, I meant, "no name calling or swearing."

Maya said...

After I read Sherrill's post, I went over and looked. The IILAA website has been taken down for repairs.

Guess Babs really was paying attention.

Dave Kuzminski said...

Too back we can't send each one of the IILAA members an email with the return address of another IILAA member. There are sites on the Internet that make that possible. After a bunch of those arrive, they might no longer be on speaking terms with each other. However, that would be wrong, but tactfully expressing your opinion isn't.

Likewise, if you have a personal web site, it won't take but a moment to add the Top 20 Worst Literary Agents list to it.

Jean Marie said...

I thought she sounded like a very sad Elmer Fudd.

Couldn't make it past the first minute. I'll try again, tomorrow. Honest.

overdog said...

The (what is it?) ILAAAAArgh site now says this:

"Hello there! I am currently working on the site....... Thanks for visiting!"

And that's it.

I can't wait.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

I use Live Search instead of Google and the eight entry down on the page is our own Miss Snark with the header, "Miss Snark, the literary agent: Hey Barbara Bauer! Put up or shut up!"

Miss Snark, you're the greatest!

Hmm..googlebombing...I'll avoid that subject all together!

wonderer said...

BB's own website is now #5 on Google. Well done, fellow Snarklings!

Corn Dog said...

Best Quotes:
Barbara: Who's policing the internet?

Barbara (refering to her own Google bomb): Who benefited from the Google bomb?
Guest: Google

Guest: The internet and Google are going to just wreck everybody except the certain few

Yes, yes and of course Miss Snark is a Dragoooooooooon.

All I can say, Babs, is detox, Sweetie. Check in. Soon.

fleetgeek said...

I changed my mind! I've spent the day doing laundry and working in the great Irish/Canadian/Beagle novel and I've decided I don't wanna be a writer when I grow up anymore!

No friends, I wanna be a Dragoon! A dragoon for Queen Snark! Where do I sign up? Is there Guiness?

writtenwyrdd said...

What really cracked me up in looking at her web site was the page (for editors) headed: "To assist you in finding authors who match your requirements, we offer a specialized service which many busy editors prefer."

WTF? Editors who prowl about the 'net seeking new books to publish? Wow, if I'd only known it was that easy...


Anonymous said...

...and it was when the man (Dinnerman? Wahl?) thanked her for having him on her "show" that the milk exited the nostrils...

Heatheness said...

Great post, MS.

Now, have you ever thought of getting into government oversight?

Elayna said...

Lol. Even if it were libel, google didn't write the stuff. I can find it on Yahoo too or MSN search. Sue them too! Sue everyone!

Nevermind, this is just too stupid.

I want to say something, but Barbara's making it all so apparent, no comment is necessary.

But I can't help it. OMG it's all a huge conspiracy by google. Cause if it weren't for libelling Barb they wouldn't get any traffic at all... Sorry, I'm typing as I listen to this.


I think I'll inform Barbara that msn and yahoo are providing these "disparaging" links as well.

What editors and publishers think? lol. If they're so legit the editors and publishers would already know them and what they're about and wouldn't have to rely on google for info.

Bad for the economy? If you suck you go down! that's business, it's how the economy works.

Karma? good luck with that, guy.

"If you don't have anything nice to say"... You just bashed google and my writing community! The two entities that I actually have respect for on the internet. If you make this war, you will lose.

Heatheness said...

Oregon is pronounced OR-i-GUN, with a short "i" and said quickly, almost like it only has two syllables.

It is not OR-A-GAWN.

(says I, anyway, just a NY transplant who lived there for a few years.)

Anonymous said...

As far as policing the internet, I think Ms. Bauer should be asking Al Gore that question. I'm sure when he invented it, he must have had some mechanism installed to "police" it. Geesh.

Southern Writer said...

That woman is just sad. Really, Miss Snark, is it fair to challenge her to a battle of wits when it's obvious she's unarmed?

Ver: airwic

Proof that Miss Snark does indeed sell advertising on her blog. Their stock just rose ten points after that smelly podcast.

Anonymous said...

At this festive time of year all I can hear is the line from George Romero's Night of the Living Dead.
"They're coming to get you Barbara."

Anonymous said...

Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.

Barbjn said...

Well, that was interesting.

Oh, you sly devils--the whole lot of you --the various and sundry Miss Snarks. Your secret is out. Thanks for the link.

But, I came upon a more important discovery: now I know why I have spent the last thirty years trying to lessen my New York accent. Not quite there, and never will be, but after listening to BB, I thank dog that I am no longer THERE. Geesh.


~Nancy said...

I couldn't listen to it after the first minute or so...and I'm from Jersey!

For those who disbelieve it, all I have to do is look at my accented past:

Me: I was born in Nawk.

Husband: What?

Me: Nawk.

Husband: What? Where?

Me (flapping arms): Nawk! Nawk!

Husband (calmly): Oh, you mean Newark.

That was about 20 years ago. We moved to New Hampshire about a year after we got married...and let me tell you, we had people giggling at our accents (but esp. mine!). Both of us worked on a less nasal sound to our speaking voices, you can bet that!

Also, my husband's brother's wife still has that Joisey accent, as does another brother-in-law (who now lives in Maryland).

Eek! She must be tone deaf. Or something.


Kim said...

I am happy to say, this Jersey girl doesn't sound *joisey* - altho I do have that hard bite around the edges. My people hail from Newark, too, only we called it Nork. Anyone says New-Ark and we're like *where???*

I spent some time in New Mexico (which I LOVED, BTW), which is how I realized just how Jersey I sound. And how fast us guys up here talk!

Bugwit Homilies said...

SO they want to sue google because they what? Allowed poeple to look up a website that criticized them?

These poeple are so clueless they think that every site liked by google is HOSTED by google.

Bugwit Homilies said...

Man, Miss Snark, you must be getting FILTHY rich from all these ananymous attacks on poor Babs, et al.

Well done on your coordinated conspiracy.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Miss Snark! I really did want to hear what she said about you so I could be properly outraged....but I couldn't stand to listen that long. Her accent is terrible, but I didn't understand what exactly she and her flunkies were yammering on about. I had to shut it off when I got dry heaves....

Barbjn said...

"Nancy said...
I couldn't listen to it after the first minute or so...and I'm from Jersey!

For those who disbelieve it, all I have to do is look at my accented past:

Me: I was born in Nawk."

HA! Same place I was born! But, when I was little we said "Noork. I was born in Noork. Like Norton Noork. "(and who on earth will know who that was?) It was moving to Rockland Cty NY that embedded the Bronx in me.

Of course, up here in New England, I still sound like BB to many locals....Dog help me.....

katiek said...

This is my first time commenting, although I've spent the last month reading and delighting in the way certain internet blogs are improving the business savvy of writers. I spent time in late 1990s honing craft on BBS boards, etc. Lately, I've been living in a 3rd world Spanish speaking country. Not a Barnes & Noble or St Mark's in sight.

I rubbed shoulders with Victoria on other sites before she was published... sweet and dedicated woman. For anyone to make her the bad guy... WOW, they give new meannng to 'chutzpah'.

That nonsense aside, it was insufferable to listen to the blah blah, wherein nothing of substance was said. International panel, indeed! B. Bauer must believe everyone else is a nitwit :). I guess that explains the ease with which she uses her scamming & shamming business model.

The internet has its good and bad; this open communication is what makes it a thing of beauty at moments like this.

One last comment: I left the publishing research before the internet came of age. The honesty in a select few publishing related blogs I'm reading now-- yours is at the top of the heap Ms Snark--is dispelling all that crazy writer paranoia about the industry being out to blindside writers. You dispel the myths in style, with that edgy coffee-spewing humor. Thank-you.

For the first time, I feel ready to engage the process with confidence borne of real understanding of the other side, previously known as the dark side.

Thank-you for that. Katie

magz said...

Awesum. They've named a teensy town after you Miss Snark,
about 6 miles as the crow flies from my house lies Dragoon AZ.
No bars, no restaraunts and very few folks.. it's actually a pretty nifty place. Nice scenery, nice attitude.
From now on forever I'll always think of you n grin as I zip on by it.

Anonymous said...


I couldn't stand listening to more than 30 seconds of that. Hideous voice, perfect for Halloween.

Maybe she's really a zombie.

fleetgeek said...

There's no bars in Dragoon! Oh horrors! There is a ready supply of gin, though, isn't there.

Georgiana said...

I didn't realise that an office in Honolulu is international. For some reason I thought Hawaii was a state. And here I thought I couldn't learn anything from Babs.

Jane Smith said...

The wonderful Miss Snark has just proved herself to be hotter than The George. Wonderful, wonderful post. All Hail Queen Snark, Commander of the Dragoons.

Steve Prosapio said...

Wouldn't ya think that Babs would have sold a book by now, even if by accident??? Then again, I suppose she'd actually have to be TRYING...

Anonymous said...

what the hell is a google bomb? Every time she says it I giggle and I don't know why...could be from my lunch with a real literary agent and too much wine. My next rejection letter is going to read..."I'm sorry this just google bombs too much for my audience."

Anonymous said...

I stopped listening after she referred to Google as an Internet Service Provider.

Kate Thornton said...

Lol! Thanks for the Halloween Treat, Miss Snark!

Ghostly voices full of gravel and spit, eerie mis-pronouncements, wailing, whining and gnashing of teeth...spooky dragoons and creepy conspiracies.

What a great Halloween special! Even a witch - or its it a Pumpkinhead?

an Oregonian said...

I got all the way to the dreaded "Or-uh-gohn" and then had to spew coffee all over the keyboard. Dear gods and little fishes.

It's "Orygun" in fact, just as it's spelled on the ever-popular University of Oregon Ducks bumper stickers that I see all over. ORYGUN. Just like that.

Thank you so much, Miss Snark, and your little dog too, for all you do for us. You make the world a better place by teaching us how not to be hapless nitwits. A big gin for you and a squeaky toy for Killer Yapp.

Kim said...

Ah ha! So you really CAN mispronounce it!? I always thought it was pretty simple - silly me.

Happy Halloween to all the dragoons out there! May your google bombs be razor blade free. Razor wit is always welcomed!

word ver - yeahe = yeah, proper english-like!

Kim said...

actually - that was supposed to be "old-english" like. I hit the wrong key **grins sheepishly** :)

Bill E. Goat said...

I've thought this all out, and I want to say something nice about Barbara Bauer.

I'm sure she would represent me. She understands fully what goat noir, and other goat genres are. Unlike those people at the Reject All Goats Agency, she's kind to everyone. I think she even wears a straw hat.

I know of no other Agent, even among those who can actually pronounce Oregon, who would work so hard to sign up a cute goat like me.

So one of you should tell my mistress to let me send my fee and dream my dreams. I wonder if Miss Bauer would take me on as a partner. I know all about barnyard fantasy writing.

My last fantasy novel was Goat Maidens of Mars and the Adventure of the Golden Leaf. I posted it on my blog, and I got two hits. Both readers stayed at least two minutes. I think it would be a best seller. I wonder if she would represent me? I wanted to submit it to TOR, but apparently Anna Genoese has learned to look for hoof prints on envelopes and won't open my mail anymore.

An author such as I am needs the Barbara Bauers of the world! So, you all just be nice to her. Okay?

J. J. said...

After listening to the podcast, I decided to see what was up with other search engines concerning Barbara Bauer. This is what I found by just doing a simple search on her name:

As we all know Google has:
1st: sfwa.
2nd: Making Light.
3rd: her website.
4th: Wikipedia.
5th: Miss Snark.

1st & 2nd hit: Wikipedia.
3rd: her site.
4th: Absolute Write.
5th: Miss Snark.
6th: Writer Beware.

1st: her website
2nd: Writer Beware.
3rd & 4th: Making Light.
5th: Find Barbara Bauer.
6th: Absolute Write.
7th: Miss Snark.

1 - 3: Locate or find Barbara Bauer
4th: Wikipedia.
5th: her website.
6th: Wikipedia.
7th: Miss Snark.
8th: Writer Beware.

1st: sfwa.
2nd: Find Barbara Bauer.
3rd: her website.
4th: Making Light (dumbest again!)
5th: Absolute Writer.
(Miss Snark comes in 8th)

1st: Wikipedia.
2nd: her website.
3rd: Wikipedia.
4th: Miss Snark.
5th: Writer Beware.
6th: Absolute Write.

I would take a guess that if I checked lycos, hotbot and a host of others, it would come up with similar results.

Poor Google for taking the hot seat on this as far as responsibility for not policing themselves as they stated in the podcast. Looks like everyone else is just as guilty. With lawsuits pending, can they sue the world for doing what search engines do? Indexing the web and its contents shouldn't be a subject of congressional conversation (perhaps the digital indexing of books should be, but search engines indexing the web really shouldn't be, I don't think).

Pish-Posh, I say.

Shesawriter said...

Miss Snark,

You've outdone yourself with this post. Thanks to you I ruined my keyboard. This was absolutely brilliant! :-D


ryan said...

I think people are misunderstanding the Google tirade. Google owns blogger, or blogspot or whatever you want to call it. So BB thinks that google is responsible for Miss Snark's blog because they host it.

Aside from the Google bombing bit her complaints have nothing to do with search results.

If Miss Snark was on Live Journal we would probably hear about how evil they are.

Ski said...

Thanks Miss Snark...see, this is why you da best!!!